It Feels Like The End Of A Very Long Fast

Many, many years ago, I did a long fast. A juice fast. A 40-day juice fast.

I didn’t eat solid food for 40 days, and I only drank fruit juice, veggie juice, and water.

You know what’s interesting?  The first 35 days or so of that fast were easy.  Really easy.  I just settled in my mind that I was on a long fast, and that I just needed to drink my juice and get on with my day to day business.  And I did.  And it was easy.

Until I reached the last five days.

Those last five days were excruciating.  I could see the end in sight, and I was fixated on it.  I was counting down the days.  The hours.  The minutes.

My mind was consumed with thoughts of food.  Even food that I had never liked before sounded incredibly delicious to me.  The smell of food seemed torturous.  I was mesmerized with commercials for local restaurants.  I poured over recipe books, planning every meal for the foreseeable future.

Those last five days of that 40-day juice fast were one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

And I feel like I’m there again.

For seven years, we’ve lived in this tiny condo with no outdoor space to call our own, and so little storage space that my tools and DIY supplies have spilled out into virtually every room, and even out the front door now.

For seven years, this condo seemed just fine to me.  I really was perfectly happy with it.  In fact, at one point, I think I even told Matt that I would be happy staying here forever.

Forever.

Now the thought of forever in this condo makes me feel all panicky inside.  The rooms in this condo that used to feel just fine to me…spacious even…now feel like they’re closing in on me.

I find myself being more irritable with Matt, and the cats, and the dog.  While we’ve all lived here just fine for seven years, it now feels like they’re always under foot.  Always in my way.

Every time Matt tries to navigate through the narrow hallway or tiny bathroom in his wheelchair and puts another scrape on the wall or the door, I find myself clinching my teeth and mentally shaking my fist at the small hallway and ridiculously tiny bathroom.

And I no longer want to focus on the condo.  I’d rather piddle my days away by planning and dreaming about the house.  I find myself obsessed with looking at pictures of gardens, landscaping, exterior house colors, and all of those things I had absolutely no control over during my seven years of living in a condo, where all outside areas are considered “common areas” that belong to everyone…and yet, at the same time, belong to no one.

The end is in sight.  And the last portion of this long, seven-year fast is excruciating.

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Comments

  1. says

    I’m so excited for this new adventure for you and Matt. Your recent projects have been amazing and I can’t wait to see what comes next. :)
    Haha! I found that just looking at pictures of food makes me hungry. :) I wonder if the same is true with looking at dreamy spaces? Maybe you two need a little getaway before the flurry of craziness begins.

  2. says

    Kristi, I have been following your blog for a while now and am quite frankly blown away by your low budget home makeovers. I am even more excited about your newest adventure and cant wait to see what you will do with the new place. :-)

  3. Sue says

    You have done an amazing job getting your condo ready to sell. Every room is unique but all are tied together as a unit. I’m sure you’re getting tired of all the improvements but you’re ALMOST THERE! Hang in there and take everything one day at a time. You can do it! (repeat with me) YOU CAN DO IT! Gooooooooooooooooooooo Kristi!

  4. says

    I also lived in a beautiful co-op at one time, went through a frantic, stressful sale. You do want to move on, but you’ll look back with good memories at some point….just not now. Hang in there!!!

  5. Sue says

    Love, absolutely love, the expression “belong to everyone and yet belong to no one” as that exactly describes the association conundrum.

  6. beth says

    I think you are so amazing and talented. To see what you have accomplished with where you are now is so inspiring to everyone who reads your blog. You should be so proud and filled with much self-confidence. You have a great gift and vision.

  7. Michele says

    Congrats on the new house! You’ve done such amazing work with your condo and I can’t wait for your new projects. I’ve read your blog for a while now and have always wanted to say: You are a true DIY diva among many others who claim to be DIY only hire the hard stuff out (with money made on their “DIY” blog!). Thanks for keeping it real and being our inspiration to try new things on a REAL budget. Sending you blessings (and patience) for your new endeavors.. : )

  8. Joanne says

    So exciting watching the creative progress that you have made in every room. That is the fun stuff. Getting to make something old into a treasure. Your condo is a a treasure trove of creativity. And you were just warming up! Once you get in the house you’ll be “Kristi, the Unstoppable!” (cue superhero music here) and then your readers will be staring with awe at each new wonderful project. I can’t wait to see pictures! Way to go Kristi!

  9. says

    I am so glad for you both that the end to the condo for you is about over…and the house is within vision…enjoy the thoughts of what you will be doing soon….because soon you will be in the midst of all that wonderful creativity or actually doing…and while it will be fully enjoyable….you little body will long for the days of thinking about it and not actually doing it…but then who cares….you can go outside in sit in God’s wonderful nature and just rest it….thank you so much for not sharing your projects…but also what goes on within your mind…

  10. says

    Soon soon soon…You will be there and tackling all of the projects in your dreams! Can’t wait to see this next phase of your brilliant DIY talent unfold. Hang in there.

  11. says

    You’re in the home stretch! I’m looking forward to seeing all the amazing and inspiring projects you come up with in your new home. Hang in there just a little bit longer :)

  12. Gilmer Gal says

    Sounds like a classic case of anxiety. It happens when great changes and stress get all mixed in together. Make a list for all the things you need to do to finish the condo and get that done. You can also make a list for all the things you want to do to the house right after you move in, but put that list behind the condo stuff. Take deep breaths, slowly in through your nose, filling your lungs up. Slowly exhale through your mouth – all the way, empty your lungs. Do it several times, with your eyes closed. That should help a little, and if it doesn’t, try chocolate and a really big bottle of wine..

  13. Karen says

    I know exaclty what you mean, as I’ve been in a similar spot last year. I recommend chocolate, too!!! and you seem to have already found yourself the other kind of distraction I’d recommend as it helps getting over the waiting hours: planning ahead! If that consists mainly of dreaming for now (and browsing the net in search for inspiration) that is exactly what you need now anyway, because when you finally have the keys and the house, you won’t want to do much research but just relish the fact of being there and planning for real! and then getting started…
    I’m really looking forward to sharing this with you via your blog, because to me it means learning so many techniques and getting so many new ideas from you – which has been incredible ever since I discovered your blog! Many thanks again for that!! and for now I wish you a lot of energy to be patient and see this period through!

  14. says

    I remember our apartment days at the beginning of our marriage, and how awed we were when we finally moved into a house where we didn’t share any outside lawn (not to mention walls) with neighbors. Hang in there. It’ll be so much fun settling in and starting over!

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