A Major Fear Of Mine…Conquered For Good!

Well, my friends, I pushed myself too far, so I had to take a break from hammering away at tile.  When I overdo it on repetitive motions, like hammering away at tile for days on end, I develop a painful condition in my arms.  I’ve never gone to the doctor for it, because I don’t really do the whole medical doctor/allopathic medicine/pharmaceutical thing.  Plus, the cause seems blatantly obvious, and therefore the treatment (rest) seems pretty obvious as well.

But from what I’ve read, it’s called ulnar neuropathy or ulnar entrapment.  It’s something I’ve dealt with for at least the last 15 years anytime I really overdo the strenuous, repetitive work (i.e., over days, not just hours) with my arms.  The pain starts in my armpits and travels down into my elbows, which have a constant dull throbbing pain, and then into my wrists.  But the most frustrating part of it is that my arms fall asleep very easily, especially from my elbow, into my wrist, and into my small fingers and ring fingers.  It especially affects me at night when I’m trying to sleep, because I’m a side sleeper.  But any pressure on my arms causes them to fall asleep, and it’s that dull, throbbing, painful kind of falling asleep.  So while my arms are asleep, I’m wide awake.  It always goes away with rest, but I’m generally not so good at resting.

So in the meantime, my brother-in-law Bill came over and helped me put new wiring in the bathroom.  He’s the one who helped me update all of the wiring in my kitchen, and I love having his help because (1) he really knows his stuff, and I feel completely confident with him doing the wiring, and (2)  he doesn’t  just push me aside and do the work for me (which I’m sure would be much faster and less frustrating for him), but he actually teaches me along the way.  He always draws these awesome diagrams that he leaves with me so that I can really learn the process and have something to refer to later.

This bathroom was in desperate need of new wiring (as is the whole house, other than the kitchen, and we’re updating them one room at a time as I work on them).  The bathroom had one light switch that controlled the ceiling light.  And that’s it.  The vanity light was always hot (i.e., no light switch to control it), and could only be controlled by the pull chain.

Hallway bath -before remodel

And there wasn’t one single outlet in this room.  So I’ve been blow drying my hair in the hallway.  Yeah…that’s convenient.  😀

Now that I have new wiring, things will be much more convenient.  Everything is controlled by a switch, and I have a new GFCI outlet in here.

But this post really isn’t about new electrical stuff as much as it is about me conquering a major fear of mine — my fear of my attic.  If you’ve been around here a while, you might remember me sharing about my fear of my attic a while back while I was working on my kitchen.  There was one point during the kitchen remodel when I had to go up there while my brother was over here helping me, and I felt like I was in a complete panic the whole time.  When I climbed out of that attic, I vowed never to go up there again.

I really can’t explain my fear or why it was there.  I guess I’d call it a phobia, because while I realized that it was a completely irrational fear, I couldn’t rid myself of it.  The thought of going into my attic made me want to cry, so I just avoided it.

So when Bill and I got started on this electrical work, and he said, “Okay, the first thing we’ll need to do is track the current wires and see where they’re coming from and where they’re going, so I’ll stay in here and guide you, and I’ll need you to go in the attic….,” I PANICKED!!  I didn’t really hear a single word he said after that.  I could feel my heart beating harder and everything kind of went blurry.

He could obviously see the fear on my face, because he said, “Or, I could go up there with you.”

I wanted so badly to just beg him to do it all himself, but I knew I had to deal with this head on.  And I’m a tiny bit less fearful when someone else is here with me (like my brother Rod, or my brother-in-law Bill — someone other than Matt, who wouldn’t be able to come to my rescue if I needed help.)

So I strapped the head lamp to my head, and climbed the ladder up into the pitch black darkness that was my attic.  I could feel my legs wanting to turn to Jello beneath me.  They were shaky and unsure, which is a bad thing when you’re having to be careful of where you step lest you step in the wrong spot and come falling through the drywall to the floor eight feet below.  I just moved very slowly, and deliberately, taking way longer than I should have to get from point A to point B.  But I never once felt like he was getting impatient with me, so that helped to keep me calm.

Long story short, I did it.  We got the job done, and I made it out alive.

But that’s not where this story ends.

While Bill was here, I asked him about the possibility of adding lights to my attic.  Of course, I was hoping he’s day, “Oh, sure!  Let me do that for you right now,” but I knew he didn’t have time.  He assured me that it was a very simple wiring process, and drew two very detailed diagrams showing me exactly how to wire them.

So when Bill and Cathy (my sister) left my house, I didn’t even give myself time to think about it, because I knew I would talk myself out of it.  I got in my car, and headed to Home Depot to get all of the supplies I needed to wire up some lights in my attic.

When I got home, I saw that Cathy and Bill had returned to my house while I was gone, and had left me a present.  They bought me an entire tool kit filled with electrical tools!  I was blown away, and knew that I had to put them to good use.  So after taking about 30 minutes to organize my new tools and tool bag, I put the headlamp back on, grabbed the diagrams that Bill had drawn for me, and climbed into the attic with all of my supplies and new tools.

I can’t express to you how big of a step this was for me.  This was my first time ever venturing up into my dark attic without someone else (besides Matt) here with me.  I knew I was on my own completely on this one, and I just tried to put it out of my mind and keep my mind on the task at hand.  It took me forever to get all of my tools and supplies over to the starting point, because my legs were so shaky, and those tools and supplies felt like they weighed about 200 pounds.  (Obviously they didn’t, but fear does strange things to the body.)  But I finally made it with all of my supplies to where I needed to go.

I was up there for about 2.5 hours, with nothing but a small head lamp lighting my way.  I won’t say that I ever started feeling completely comfortable up there, but the fear did subside over time.  And most importantly…

I did it!! 

attic lighting 1

I put up a a total of six light, and I did the whole thing, from the breaker box, to the light switch, and everything in between.  By myself.  In my dark atticAlone.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of myself.  I know some of you are probably thinking how ridiculous I was for even being scared of my attic in the first place, but I’m sure we can all relate to the irrational fear/phobia issue on some level.  And let me tell you, there is such a feeling of freedom that comes from facing a fear head on and conquering it.  And I did it!  And because I did it, I won’t really ever have to face that dark attic again, because now I have plenty of light.

Of course, now that I can actually see the state of things up there, I will have to now deal with that shocking lack of insulation.  🙂

Just kidding.  That wasn’t a surprise.  We’ve known about that since we had the house inspected before we bought it.  That’s on my “to do” list.  But before I put in new insulation, I need new drywall on the ceilings.  Then an HVAC system.  And then new insulation.  Hopefully all of that can happen before the summer heat gets here.

 

 

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77 Comments

  1. Oh my gosh. Good for you. It’s so brightly lit now. looks like a great place for extra storage now that you can venture up there. Honestly, I would be more afraid of doing the electrical work, sure that I would electrocute myself and then burn my house down. You are truly one of those people who can do ANYTHING!

    1. Electrical work used to be another major fear of mine as well. But since Bill has been helping me and teaching me, I’ve become more comfortable with it. On something like that, I think knowledge chases away fear. Before, I just didn’t understand how all of it worked, so I had a huge fear of being electrocuted. Now that I understand more about how it works, I have way more confidence while I’m working on it. All of that old wiring still scares me, though. I can’t wait to rid my house of it completely! But the new wiring doesn’t scare me now.

      1. You’re right, getting rid of the old wiring will make your home a safer place to live. I actually shudder to think about what could be going on behind the walls in my house since the wiring is all knob and tube from the 1920’s with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom, which were remodeled last year due to extensive water damage. (Thanks to the previous owner, who used SWIMMING POOL PARTS according to my plumber, when they did over the upstairs bathroom in the 1980’s. I had dreamed of a new kitchen and got one – the hard way!). You are so fortunate to have Bill in your life to guide you through tricky electrical work. I think I am just going to pretend that everything behind the plaster is just fine and will it to be so. 🙂
        Hope your arms feel better soon, Kristi. Try to enjoy your down time.

  2. Yay! Good for you putting lights in your attic! We only have a few lights in our attic, but it sure makes it easy when we have to do anything up there. It’s one of the first projects we did after moving in.
    I get the same kind of thing with my hands whenever I do anything for long over my head. I didn’t know the name for it. I get relief by pulling my head down to my shoulder, away from whichever side is affected. Seems like a pinched nerve in my case. It is frustrating, though, when you’re on a roll and have to slow down!

  3. Krisit, thank you so much for sharing this post! It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time – I actually just published a post this morning on how I am not a fearless DIYer and how I get hung up on anxieties about starting a project. I mentioned you as one of the talented DIYers I look up to, so hearing about how you dealt with your own fears was just perfect today! I’m always so inspired by everything you tackle!

  4. I feel the same way about doctors as you do. My husband bought this stuff called Perform. It is from the makers of biofreeze. I have terrible arthritis in my hands and when I do too much they cramp up like you can’t believe. I roll this stuff on my hands and I can move them and the pain is gone. I’m retired so I don’t work for these people in fact I have nothing to do with them. I do like their product and it works for me and I don’t have to take pain medication. Hope it works for you. Congratulations on overcoming your fear. Now if you could do something for me with snakes – we can talk.

    1. Peggy, any idea where I can get Perform? I have used Biofreeze and just about every other thing out there. I will try anything on my hands. My arthritis is so bad it is everywhere. My mom was the same way. Right now I am dealing with a pinched nerve in the C 4-5 range. It goes up the neck over the shoulder down the arm. I know where it is because I had an MRI done a few years ago for the same thing and then I got an injection. Now I get injections in my Lumbar spine on both sides every three months, it helps to keep me upright, but the Cervical spine injection hurt like the dickens. It will be a cold day in hell before I do it again, and I am no chicken when it comes to pain. All I wanted to do was get out of there so I could get in my car and start to cry! So if you have any idea where to get it I would appreciate a heads up.

    2. Ladies, try avoiding dairy; it causes inflammation. When I read that, I shared it with my elderly friend. She stayed away from it for three weeks as a test and couldn’t believe how much better she felt. It’s worth a try and it’s free! 🙂

  5. Yay! That is so inspirational! While I don’t share your fear of attics, I won’t go in the crawl space even if you paid me. Can you write a tutorial on how you installed the lights and wired them? I know I have empty space in my breaker box and I think it would make working in the attic much nicer to have lights up there.

  6. Kristi, you never cease to amaze me! Overcoming a paralyzing phobia AND illuminating your dark attic in one fell swoop? You’re a hero and an inspiration. Well done!

  7. When it’s time to tackle your HVAC and attic insulation, make sure to take advantage of any rebates or incentives that are available through state or local authorities or utility companies. Here is a link to all energy efficiency rebate programs in Texas.

    http://www.dsireusa.org/incentives/index.cfm?re=0&ee=0&spv=0&st=0&srp=1&state=TX

    Some of them might require you to use a certified contractor from their approved list – just something to consider.

    1. When we have had wiring replaced, or a heat pump replaced, there was a discount on our homeowners insurance. Might be worth mentioning it to them once it’s finished. But it might not be for DIY projects. I need to check now that we’ve had all new plumbing installed.

  8. I am so delighted that I’ve found your posts. You are an inspiration to me and many others I’m sure. I love what you wrote in an earlier response – knowledge chases away fear – so true, so universal. I wish I was close enough to dive in and help with the labor and learn alongside. I recently spent 5 days putting paper and finish on my floors and had a similar issue with my arms. You go girl, you rock!

  9. What an inspiring story! Conquering your fear was a real growth point for you. Not many of us have the courage to face our fears head on but you DID it!
    Well done! I am so proud of you.

  10. Great job Kristi! You probably have the best lit Attic in history! May I suggest that even before you add the insulation, why don’t you add some plywood (cut it to fit through your attic opening, or slip it in while you work on one of the ceilings. Then you can lay it on the joists to give you a safe place to move around. I wouldn’t fasten it down until after you add the insulation. When my husband and I built an addition to my sewing shop (yes, I have a separate building for my sewing) we located a ton of insulation for free on craigslist. We got enough to insulate the 16 x 20 addition including a double layer of insulation in the attic. It doesn’t hurt to look around.

    1. Glad I read this far down before I commented. Definitely put some sort of flooring (plywood) down over your insulation. It would be safer for you, and you could even store items up there (Xmas stuff!). I’ve never installed electrical outlets. I only learned how to wire a lamp about a year ago! So simple I was ashamed of myself for making my husband do it

  11. Congrats on conquering your attic fear!!! It’s not a silly fear at all! I am super proud of you! (Oh and congrats on being one step closer to fully updating your hall bathroom! =D)

  12. Good for you! I don’t like the crawl space under our house and avoid it like the plague! BTW- I get the same radiating pain, numbness thing in my arms too. My fingers fall asleep almost every night…because I sleep on my side or stomach. Ha! 🙂 Seems to be a theme…

  13. Congrats! That’s awesome! I just wanted to ask you to check with your utility company to see if they offer a check and insulation for your home. My mom had moved into her home a few years ago and they came out to check the ac system and all. Then they gave her free insulation. It got hotter there especially in the back rooms so she had them back out and they put in an extra air supply to one room for her, again for free. Certainly would be cost effective and free labor too. Everyone should check it out and see if where they live they offer something like it.

  14. Oh man! You are so brave! I’m always impressed by what you can do.
    One day I had to get a new Direct TV box wired in our attic but with all the black widows and mice and who knows what in our attic I just couldn’t do more than stick my head up there. So I called the cable guy out to do the dirty work. I’ve never heard a grown man scream like that……

  15. Kristi, Way to go on conquering your fear! You totally amaze me every time I stop by. You might want to consult with a chiropractor about your arms. Mine really helps me when my arms start to fall asleep.

  16. Congrats on the lighting adventure! It is illuminating! 🙂
    I have the same arm pain. I had it 20 years ago in left arm and had surgery (spinal lamanectomy due to a ruptured and pinched nerve in my neck) And I’ve been fighting a recurring problem in my right hand for the last ten years. The surgery went well and I have had zero problems on that side ever since but I just don’t think surgery is something to jump into like I did before (if you do a neurosurgeon is the way to go not an orthopaeod). But, when I have a flare up-acupuncture always works, and sometimes chiropracting but you would need to go for several visits. Also, sleeping on your side I always sleep with 2 extra pillows and if you lay on the opposite side and kind of prop the pillow into your arm pit gently not cramming and rest your arm on the rest of the pillow it helps me anyway. Good luck but remember that continually over doing it will eventually cause it to be a chronic condition that rest will not cure alone. Also, a good natural muscle relaxant is valerian or your chiropractor may have something for muscle relaxing that is natural also.

  17. WOW!!!…Kristi You just keep amazing me!…That is really big! and yes you should be proud of your self!…I am proud for you!…We all have some kind of fear or phobia. I fear being closed up and heights, kind of fits the attic to…LOL!…Love all your lights in the attic!

  18. I have an irrational fear of attics as well. I make my boys get the Christmas decorations down every year. This year I did get up there briefly, so baby steps. Way to go on putting lights in! I’m sure that will go a long way toward feeling less scared.

  19. OMGOSH!!!! Having a home @the same year, I understand the attic! We take a lamp up. I might need to follow your lead. My earthly hero. So proud of you Kristi.

  20. Way to go, Kristi! I’m impressed – very impressed! And, not that it matters any but you did have an outlet in your old bathroom – it’s in the base of the light over the medicine cabinet; so convenient – NOT! LOL! I learned about that location when I once lived in a house that had been built in the late 40s. Keep up the good work; I love reading about all of your projects.

  21. You are so lucky to have someone like Bill to help you. I’ve done minor electrical stuff, but would totally love to learn how to do what you just did! Congrats on a job well done.

  22. WOW! Conquering a fear is amazing and freeing! Very good for you! Give yourself a break with the arms and body.
    I bet you were already tired with the arms, and then facing the attic, made you just crash. 🙂 Do a bit of online window shopping and let those arms rest.

  23. You are the best! I love that you conquered your fear of the attic AND you went back and wired it for light. It looks like you can have a bit of extra storage up there, once you get everything rewired and insulated.

    1. I get that sinking feeling of fear anytime I do anything electrical. I know it’s not rational because I have turned the circuit breaker off (sometimes to the whole house) but it just makes me light headed almost. I am proud of you for doing your own electrical and getting in the attic. You should have a tool belt or apron, it will make you feel like the bad ass you are. Plus they are just practical for pencils, tape measure, speed square, knife, and a 5 in 1 tool.

  24. What an awesome inspiring story! So proud of you…and now that you can see up there…you really are challenged to keep on keeping on!

  25. You should finish it out a little, put a subfloor or slatted floor down so it’s even less dangerous. Before it’s all said and done, you’ll have a woman cave up there.

  26. Hi Kristi
    Good for your on conquering your fear!!
    You are my hero!
    With your arm, might want to check on what they call (I think) nerve bundling, under your shoulder blade. Or something might be going on with your neck/upper back
    I only say that because I have similar problems.

  27. I sent this to your fb page as well…
    I read your latest post, and thought I would share with you. I to suffer from Ulnar Neuropathy in both arms. As well as carpal tunnel. I have had surgery for both on my left arm, but not my right. I have found that Bromelian helps tremendously with the pain, and is all natural.
    http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/natural/895.html

    I take one pill when the pain starts, and it takes less than 5 to 10 mins for it to go away.

    I hope this helps…

    Amy N. Withers
    Junque Chic 5

  28. Way to go! And aren’t brother-in-laws and brothers the best!? I have a tremendous fear of snakes and it definitely limits where I live and my outdoor activities. Little by little, as I grow older, I am getting better, but it is a slow process. Thankfully, I am not afraid of anything in my house!

  29. I felt the same way when I had to go into my crawl space under my kitchen! I had vision of rats crawling everywhere (nary a one!) and it was so cold. My pipe was frozen as it is on the outside wall, so I was using a
    hair dryer and then wrapped heat tape over the pipes to keep them flowing. I walked towards the space–had to eventually climb up and in–about a dozen times before I actually made it in.
    It really is cool to overcome those fears, irrational or otherwise.

  30. Yaaayy for you!!! Always be sure to carry a phone in your pocket….you can call for help no matter the situation!!
    I love my attic…it is a home décor shop that is all mine, mine, mine!!! I can go up there a peruse every box and bag with no reminders that I “can’t afford” what I want :^)
    There is a mini-fabric shop up there too ;-0
    Blessings,
    J

  31. you are inspiring as always. I too have a horrible fear of the attic. It is because I am claustrophobic. The darkness and small crawl space make me feel like I am suffocating. I really don’t know if I could, but I am lucky that my husband can do electrical and networking updates so I don’t have to. But you never know when you have to do these things yourself so keep being awesome. You really encourage those like myself to try more and do more myself in my house.

  32. You are sooooooo not alone in your fear of attics!!! Mine terrifies me! It is waaaay more claustrophobic than even yours…and there are squirrels up there!!!! I can’t even open the door! (I’m so glad I’m not alone in this fear)! And no, it’s not an irrational fear; did I mention the squirrels!!!??? Argh!

  33. BRAVO!!!!
    Good for you!! I CAN relate (not necessarily exactly to THAT fear, although it being dark, and my imagination imagining all sorts of snakes, rats, etc., I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be thrilled to do that either. AAMOF, I’ve never been IN my current attic)
    Also, LOTS OF BIG HUMONGOUS KUDOS for doing all that hard work in your bathroom. You (obviously) DO love your hubby. And BTW, I always miss your posts when you take a break (this past Christmas break I was very impatient waiting for you to get back) but I much prefer you take as much time as you need, so that you don’t create a bigger problem.
    Once again, Congrats on doing what you do!

  34. Wow, I actually teared up when I read your post. It is sooooo inspiring to hear of your overcoming your fear. My admiration for you has taken an even bigger leap forward. When I grow up, I want to be like you, Kristi! 😉

    Yes, do please put a floor in your attic now that you have the lights. You’ll have so much storage up there, and won’t have to worry about “falling through the ceiling sheetrock to the floor eight feet below”.

    Onward and Upward, SuperKristi!

  35. Hum…tre interesting! So first please do not take insult, but that is one butt ugly bathroom,lol! Very proud of you conquering your fear of what lies above, but what about the quirrels? are they gone???? Does that mean we can stop the bathroom and go back to the ceiling in the music room????? Just kidding, although, knowing the way you work all things are possible. A few suggestions the next time you foray into the attic….take water, a snack, and a phone! You never know what you may encounter and your phone can take a picture for your memory book! I really applaud your courage, I do not do the cellar. Do not ask me why, I have no idea, maybe something tramatic happened to me in a cellar when I was little, I never go there alone. I was down there before Christmas with some big guy helpers, for the first time in about 4 years. We have an exterminator company who comes out quarterly or whenever I call. He sprays the foundation of the house and the garage and basement and sets traps to catch the cellar dwellers. I look at like this, my kids are all out of the house so I have all these extra closets and rooms, so I do not need to put anything in the basement that is of importance to me. I claim the first and second floor and porches, and the cellar dwellers can have the cellar and the woods. We have live very harmoniously like this for 25 years. God bless the little critters, and Blessings to you.

  36. Great job! I know how you feel. When my husband and I redone our kitchen, I had to get under the house and help him run new water lines. Not fun at all, I don’t like closed in areas and spiders. But I made it through it!

  37. Well done. I’m not surprised you’re proud of yourself.
    I refuse to go up into the roof area, but my fear is that I just know there are spiders up there lol.

    So now you have lights, are you going to put in some flooring when you do the insulation. You wouldn’t have to be so careful about where you walk then. It would make trips up there so much easier for you.

    I have very similar (sounding) shoulder problems as you, that has been diagnosed as Bursitis, Not caused from the very hard work like you do, but from the repetition of the style of drumming I do would you believe.

  38. I am so PROUD of you! I too have fear of tight, dark spaces and I am a fan of a fear grabber like yourself! Now give those arms a rest!

  39. I’m very proud of you for lighting your attic, but even more proud of you for conquering your fears. How much easier it will be to work in your attic from now on. However, working with your hands over you head may also aggravate your arms.

  40. You have every right and reason to be so proud of yourself! Kudos to you for overcoming your fear!! For me, it was heights, and I finally! overcame that issue in the last 5 years or so.

    Atta Gal! ~:)

  41. not only did you do this phobic task in the dark— it was ELECTRICAL WIRING!! So impressed and proud of you! I’m so glad you shared this with us. I’m glad you are proud of you too! Now rest up!

  42. You are seriously amazing! I will not be surprised if next you blog about having joined NASA and gone into space. I am petrified of electricity, and have never seen my attic in the home I have lived in for 15 years…no idea what is up there lol!

  43. Wow! My jaw literlly dropped at the “shocking lack of insulation”! What were the previous homeowners thinking??? Anyway, good for you getting lighting up there! It’s very inspiring how you’ve dealt with something that caused you so much fear and anxiety. And the lights make it so much nicer when working up there! 🙂

    P.S. What’s the latest squirrel update?? 🙂

  44. Kristi,
    Nicole Curtis and Chip & Joanna Gaines have absolutely nothing on you–and you’re virtually a one-woman show. I cannot express the level of my admiration for you and your talent. You are an amazing woman–never doubt it. Congrats on overcoming the Attic! I look forward to continuing to watch the reno on your home–It’s like watching the birth of a butterfly!

  45. Dear Kristi,
    You are beyond admirable. I do so enjoy your Blog over any other one I have read.
    Just a comment on your attic and maybe I missed it, but since you have all that heat from electrical wiring, do you need attic vents to release heat build up, or not. I mention it because I do not know, but if you need vents aka building code maybe you might look into them for safety reasons? Just really wondering.
    Please take care of your arms; repetitive motion can be so damaging.
    I do not have any cartilage in my thumb wrist joint; been that way for 30 years! So I have limited in what I can do with my hands. Most helpful to not push it too much and switch up hand activities over time.
    Also specific strength training might be a solution to minimizing the pain. One hour twice a week with a degreed trainer might make all the difference in the world. It has helped me alot! Just a suggestion.

  46. I know this is an older post (I just discovered your blog and have been devouring your entries!), but I was wondering if you could post an entry about what all was in your electrical kit from your BIL. My husband and I are buying our first home and most of the outlets are not grounded, but are 3-pronged, so at the very least we need to switch out the ungrounded outlets to 2-pronged. Unfortunately, we are relatively inexperienced at home repairs and remodeling.

  47. I’ve never gone in my attic. I’m not afraid to, but I don’t like ladders and we have to prop a ladder up to go in it. I also don’t want to because we have squirrels in our attic and my husband hasn’t dealt with getting them out of there enough, so I figure if he encounters them enough he may do something about them….maybe!