I’m really surprised that it’s not listed in the DSM-V, and that there aren’t some really strong, make-you-happy medications available specifically for it, and that there aren’t support groups for it, because I’m here to tell you that remodeling depression is a real thing.
And it struck me hard yesterday.
Honestly, I didn’t even realize why I was feeling the way I was feeling at first. I just knew that I was in a complete funk and wanted to crawl underneath the covers of my bed and sleep the day away, right after a really long cry.
My mood was like a dark and dreary storm cloud hanging over my house. And it wasn’t just affecting me. It got to the point that Matt finally said, “Kristi, you just need to leave. Get out of the house. Just get in the car and get away. Go anywhere. Just make sure that you stay gone for several hours so you can clear your head.”
That sounded nice, but I thought to myself, “I can’t go away for several hours! There’s so much to do around here!” So at about 3:30pm, I walked into the breakfast room to get some work done, and realized the source of my depression. The source of my funk. The source of my storm cloud mood.
It was the mess. It was the seemingly endless list of projects on my “to do” list that have to be accomplished before I can even get to the fun decorating steps. It was the idea that I may be washing dishes in my bathtub from now to eternity, with my kitchen sink sitting on a furniture dolly in my living room. It was the fact that this big huge ball got started rolling simply because I wanted to install my new kitchen light, which still sits in its big ‘ole box on my sofa.
It was the fact that what I really want to do is work on a pretty project — something that I can actually begin and finish in the same day and end up with something that actually looks nice and complete when I’m done. (Removing the wall and putting up the header was a real victory, but let’s face it. There’s still nothing pretty about it at this point.)
What I really wanted to do was paint my kitchen floor…
But I can’t do that until I figure out how to fill the holes in the old floor boards. And there’s really no need in painting the kitchen floor until I get the floor installed in the breakfast room, since it will all be the same.
But I can’t install the subfloor and flooring until I get the floors leveled in the breakfast room.
But I can’t level the floor and install the flooring until I clean up all of this mess — the stuff that came out of cabinets that should have been boxed up from the beginning, but instead was just dumped in the floor of the breakfast room.
And then there’s this unending mess that I keep creating from pulling old stuff off of the walls, and this is what remains after already making two trips to the landfill with the bed of the truck completely filled (and a third truck bed-full loaded up and ready to go).
And even more overwhelming was the fact that I couldn’t do the floor until I got these huge cabinets moved out of the breakfast room and into the garage, which sits about 18 inches lower than the breakfast room and requires walking down three steps.
Yes, these needed to go into the garage that was filled to overflowing with furniture and boxes that I still need to go through, so there was absolutely room for these cabinets at all.
So I seemed to have reached an impasse.
And that was just depressing.
Cue the tears, the dark storm cloud mood, and the overwhelming desire to crawl into bed and sleep indefinitely.
But of course, that’s not a reasonable response. So instead, I turned on some music, went out into my garage, opened up both garage doors to let in the fresh air and sunlight, and I got busy. Reorganizing, rearranging, getting rid of junk, not only in my garage but also in the breakfast room.
It’s amazing how progress, as well as sunlight and fresh air, can lift the storm clouds of the mind. It’s also amazing how physical activity and the sense of real accomplishment can push back the feelings of depression.
And after about three hours, my garage and breakfast room looked a heck of a lot better, and there was plenty of room in the garage for those cabinets. I called up my brother to see if he would swing by to help me, and of course he was glad to help. He got to my house at about 7:30, and by 7:41 we had those big huge base cabinets moved out of the breakfast room and into the garage.
That big huge hurdle has been removed.
And while that doesn’t mean I’ll be able to work on anything pretty today, it does mean I’m a few big huge giant steps closer. It means that I can now remove the rest of the plywood from the walls, as well as the baseboards and shoe moulding. And then I can level the floors of the breakfast room. And then I can put down the subfloor and the flooring. And then I can patch the holes in the kitchen floor boards.
And then I can paint the floor.
I’m getting closer. And the storm clouds have parted. It’s going to be a great day!