Why Can’t We All Just Be Nice?

Happy Friday, y’all! Today, I just need to get something off my chest. It’s something that has consumed my thoughts for the last four weeks or so.

I want to talk about the lost art of being nice.

if you cant be kind be quiet printable from west willow designs etsy store

Be Kind printable, $8 from West Willow Designs

I don’t know if people in general really are becoming meaner and ruder and more obnoxious, or if I’m just becoming more aware of it recently, but I’m so incredibly bothered with how absolutely, downright rude and mean so many people are when they get behind their computer screen.

Sure, I’ve always known that those people were out there. All you have to do is spend 5 minutes reading comments on random YouTube videos to see that those people are everywhere. But somehow, this decorating/design/diy niche that I’m in has always felt safer, like we’re in our own little bubble, separated from all of the rude, obnoxious people out there. And in our bubble, sweet, encouraging comments flow freely. Generosity is abundant. Constructive criticism is given with kindness and grace. At least that’s how it has always felt for me.

But sadly, those people have found us. And frankly, I’m not enjoying their company in the least.

Here are some examples of what I’m talking about…

At the end of January, Becca from Adventures In Decorating shared a picture of her living room on Hometalk.

Blue and white living room from Adventures In Decorating blog

Hometalk then shared the picture of Becca’s living room on their Facebook page. Here’s a sampling of the comments:

Ugly rug and those chair coverings!! ugh…look like tied on hospital gowns!! Needs color!

really??? cozy? nothing does it here. I want a different decorator

What’s with the butt-ugly covers on the chairs?

Love those sheets on the chairs. The whole space has ghostly feel. Cool and colder. The marshmallow is so cute. That dead animal on the floor is smashing. Great look if you are dead and need a place to hang out until you cross over. Thanks again for remembering even the dead.

I could go on and on. For the record, that last comment was made by a woman named Matilda. And yes, I’m calling her out by name, because almost every single comment that she makes on Hometalk posts is negative. Here’s a comment she left on someone else’s project…

What a mess but them the rest of the place looks to be a mess too. Shame on you.

She doesn’t have anything nice to say about anything! She must be one of the most absolutely miserable people on earth. You know what they say. “Hurting people hurt people.” And Matilda does her very best at slinging insults at every chance she gets.

But sadly, Matilda isn’t alone. She’s joined by hoards of other people just like her.

Even KariAnne from Thistlewood Farms isn’t immune to the rude comments from those people, and we all know how impeccable KariAnne’s taste is, right? I saw her kitchen posted on Hometalk’s Facebook page, with the question asked, “What do you love most about this farmhouse kitchen?”

beautiful white farmhouse kitchen from thistlewood farms blog

Some of the comments that followed:

The bench doesnt match too dark, something with the table l don’t care for and the chandeliers dont belong and look tacky. Sorry l wouldn’t want it.

Thank goodness someone else has to clean this stark, cold, uninviting kitchen. Windows are good, Floor is nice, but other than that, they can keep it. It reminds me of a sterile hospital.

Nothing…hate it. too bland. Couldn’t you have put in a high end stove…maybe red. The white appliances are just plain ugly.

NOTHING. Too much white, Not grante, hate the so called ” Island”, and hate the dining table and benches.. I like support around my table, NOT benches like your out on a farm picnic..the ONLY thing I DO like is the floors..

Do you see what I’m talking about here? Why are these comments necessary? They’re just downright rude!

And I’ve definitely not been shielded from such comments. I can’t remember what project I posted a few months back, but one of the very first comments was simply…

EEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

I mean, really?! What the heck?

And it’s not just happening on these huge Facebook pages or the massive sites. These things seem to be becoming more common on the regular blogs and Facebook pages. Just the other day, someone commented on one of my bathroom update posts saying, “I really dislike the wood countertop and color of the vanity…”

And I just wanted to say, “And?! Am I supposed to redo my entire bathroom for you?!”

I mean, really…what in the world is the point of leaving a comment like that? Obviously, I like my bathroom! I like my vanity color! And it’s my bathroom!! I just don’t understand what people hope to accomplish with comments like that. If you don’t like wood countertops or the color of my vanity, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t use them in your own house!!

And I know that someone is probably thinking, “Well, Kristi, don’t you critique the HGTV Dream Home each January? And you don’t always have kind things to say about it. Isn’t that the same thing?”

I guess to me, it’s not the same. There’s a day and night difference between a large corporation spending millions of dollars every year to build and decorate a home, which they advertise as a “Dream Home”, and regular homeowner pouring her heart and hard work into decorating her own home on a reasonable budget.

I see things all the time on other blogs that I’m not particularly fond of, whether it’s a room design, a crafty project, or something in between. But I could never imagine leaving a hurtful, mean-spirited comment about it. If I can’t find something nice or encouraging to say, I simply move on.

I guess I’m just wondering…

What the heck has happened to us as a society? Where did we go so wrong?

And honestly, my concern really isn’t for myself or the other bloggers who receive these comments. I feel like I have to say that because there will always be those who say, “Well, if you can’t take it, then don’t post your pictures online!”

That’s not really the point I’m trying to make. We bloggers are tough. We have thick skins. And, best of all, we have a pretty close-knit community with tons of support and encouragement for each other. So my concern isn’t for us.

My concern really is for society as a whole, and I just see this rampant rude behavior as evidence of our steep decline. Every time I see one of those people leaving their slimy trail of yuck behind them everywhere they go, I wonder to myself, “What kind of kids are those jerks raising?” And then when I think to myself that the kids of those jerks are our future…well…it frightens me.

Anyway, this has just been eating at me for weeks now, and I needed to get it off my chest.

The funny thing is that the people who really need to read this probably never will. Those of you who comment on my blog regularly belong in the bubble. I do enjoy your company. I just wish we could find the leak in the bubble and seal it up with us inside, and those people on the outside. :)

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Comments

  1. Sara says

    I completely agree Kristi! I don’t understand why people think it’s okay to say “Everything” that enters their pessimistic minds. I agree it’s best to be honest, but there has to be a filter. I agree, if I see something that’s not me or that I don’t really like, I keep those comments to myself, because like you said, this is someone’s home and their time and money.

  2. Cheryl says

    Sorry for the bad comments… I don’t understand why people can’t take the things they like and the things that don’t fit into their taste.. just leave it.. We are not all the same, thank goodness! We can find something nice in everything, so if someone likes the floor, say so… don’t go on and be mean. Like the paint color… say so, don’t then say it looks like a hospital. What is that all about?

  3. says

    I get it! I know how it feels! I pour my heart and soul into my business and most of the response is great. Every once in a while I will get a sniping comment from someone and I can just feel their anger. I have to remind myself that THEY have the problem, not me. I love your blog. Keep doing what you do!

    xoxo

  4. says

    Oh my goodness, I could have written this post word for WORD.

    It makes me so sad sometimes, but I will say that it seems to be contained to facebook/ hometalk/ apartment therapy where the picture is just as “generic” to them as the dream home is to us. Those people don’t know any of us personally or read about how much effort it took to create our homes. They don’t care, obviously. Some people probably think they are being funny or just enjoy the snark. I do wonder how different they would be face to face, in person? Would they be just as ugly or would they change their tune? Or maybe they would be nice to our faces and then turn around and slander us behind our backs.

    I wish everyone could get along, too, but in the mean time I try to keep my skin as thick as possible. When I saw Apartment Therapy was featuring my lampshade I actually cringed at the thought of the comments I would get, but thankfully they were ok!

  5. says

    what a great post. Fortunately I have not experienced many people who have no tact and what I like to call ” home training”. Perhaps this post will educate them to be kinder people and maybe they can do like my mama always taught us- if you have nothing nice to say , then don’t say it!

  6. Pamieg says

    People so easily hide behind their screens. The latter comments except the “ewwww” was not all that bad and when asking for thoughts should be taken with a grain of salt: However, the first ones I believe were unhappy mean spirited trouble seeking trolls. Unfortunately public humiliation only makes your wall/blog look sour without any intentions on your part. People don’t always read the whole conversation. My advise is to ignore and continue with your fabulous blog! Happy day friend! Xoxo

  7. Cim Allen says

    I applaud you for saying that .. it’s amazing how brave people get when sitting behind a computer screen. I may not like everything I see on a blog, but I don’t rudely comment on it I’m like you I move on. Manner or someones feelings are just a thing of the past .. which is very sad. I love reading your blog and admire how brave you are to take on all these DIY tasks. Please continue to share your experiences and knowledge with us in blog land, there are those of us out here in blogland that appreciate it and look forward to reading about your next adventure in DIY :) Happy Friday !!

  8. says

    THANK YOU! I feel exactly the same way. My projects were featured on a larger blog’s facebook page and got the same snide, snarky commentary. My benches were “butt ugly”, I “had no pride”, “butchered the wood” etc. Some just said, “Not my taste” or “No thank you”. Why comment then? If I’m browsing a website for project ideas, I file away the ones I like and skip over the ones that aren’t my style. No need for negativity just because my taste is different.

    My question is, whatever happened to *constructive* criticism? It was one of our first concepts to learn in art school. You can’t subjectively say your classmate’s drawing is “ugly”. We would say, “Oh, it seems the proportion is off on those trees, perhaps you could beef up the left side and add some contrasting color.” Is that negative? No way! Constructive criticism is POSITIVE, even if you are saying you don’t like it. You are being helpful and contributing. I’m just so sick of people trying to pass rude off as “honest”. You’re not being honest. You are being hurtful and cruel and you need to learn a little compassion!

  9. says

    One last thought, I really wish these larger entities would enforce a “courtesy policy” like Young House Love. They don’t allow any snark or attacks on commenters and are open about deleting anything disrespectful. Some get huffy like that’s not “keeping it real”, but I’d rather have a courteous, safe place where people can discuss ideas and thoughts without geting offensive.

      • says

        I agree with you both completely, a courtesy policy is a great idea. The thing about these snarky, snotty comments and that not allowing them means the blog is not “keeping it real” falls in line with what Kristi is saying about constructive criticism. People can post comments that are certainly more constructive than what they are leaving, but they enjoy being mean because it brings other people down to their level — the gutter.

  10. Helen says

    I just found your page this week and I was so impressed by what you post, your projects and design, that I added you and I don’t do that often. I do not understand people who have to say something bad verses just not saying anything! My advice, be a duck, quack, quack, quack, water off your back. :)

  11. Hera says

    I SO agree, Kristi. I can’t believe the nastiness in so many people’s comments. It’s very discouraging and one of the reasons I’ve hesitated about starting my own blog. I like that printable.

  12. says

    A-men! It is so sad that people feel since they are “anonymous” behind a computer they can spew venom everywhere. My bedroom was featured on Benjamin Moore’s fb page and the comments were ugly and rude. I was amazed that people had nothing better to do than tear someone else down. How would they feel if that was their work or their child’s work that everyone was ripping on? All of a sudden they would have a change of heart or at least I like to think they would. Out of the wellspring of the heart the mouth speaks and unfortunately too often these days, the hearts are not full of nice things. :( Makes me sad to raise my children in this society.

  13. Becky says

    I can’t tell you how many times I see a decorating picture of something and it’s just not my thing. Well, so what? That’s what makes us individuals; to each his own. Just because they wouldn’t have chosen that bench or wall color, etc., I agree, keep your comments to yourself and move on. There is absolutely no need to hurt someone else’s feelings. I’m glad you got that off your chest, four weeks was long time to carry that. Ahhh, now that you’ve released that, onward and upward to positive thoughts, light and love!!! Have a great weekend!!

  14. says

    Ah Kate…this is why I love you and your blog! I know I haven’t been by in a while but I do follow you and when I saw this title come up on my blog roll I just had to read your post immediately! OMGosh I cannot believe what you wrote! People leaving such aweful and shocking comments. I was not aware of this on Home Talk since I honestly haven’t been following it, but geeeeeesh those comments are mean spirited! I have had one heckler on my Facebook page and she is actually someone I went to high school with and were at one time good friends. I finally had to tell her that if my projects and posts bother her so much that she felt the need to leave such rude and cruel comments, maybe she ought to do us both a favor and not bother with my blog anymore. I applaud you for speaking up and getting this off your chest and out into the open. At this point suffice to say, I don’t think I will be bothering with Home Talk. We in this niche typically are our own worse critics, so I know I really don’t need any outside help in ripping my work apart, especially when it is done in such a hurtful way!
    You are right…what a sad comment on our society as a whole. Thank goodness for the kidness and love shown between the bloggers in our niche.

    Thank you for sharing Kate, and have a great weekend!!
    XO Barbara

  15. Sil Adkins says

    I read these all the time at so many sites, whether it be under a news article (where they get downright vicious!) or the blogs, etc. It’s getting worse. It’s really something how so many appear so brave behind the computer. I would certainly hope “these people” would not act like this in person! I, too, am guilty, I am sad to admit. I replied to a picture of something that stated “it was not my cup of tea”. Even though that might seem pretty innocent compared to the examples you showed, I will never do that again. I was taught, and I taught my kids the rule: ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. I know what it’s like to renovate a home and all the decisions and hard work, let alone all the money, that’s involved. Of course you are doing this for yourself, but it is so heartwarming when you receive compliments, the “well done, you” and the pat on the back! In closing, there is a lot of turmoil, uncertainty and unhappiness in the world right now, also quite possibly in “these peoples” backyard, so to speak. I hope “these people” can someday find some happiness, for they must be very miserable indeed. BTW, I am new to your blog just this week and am very much enjoying it! Keep up the wonderful work!

  16. Susannah says

    Thank for for posting this. I have noticed an increase in the snarky comments on some of the decorating blogs I visit and it is heartbreaking. Bloggers put yourselves out there, for the world to see and maybe learn from ,and then someone has to make themselves feel better by rude comments.
    A lovely blog I follow had someone even criticize her grammar!!
    Seriously
    It needed said and thanks for saying it!
    suz

  17. Cheryl says

    I have never understood why some people have such a need to be mean and hurtful to people they don’t know. It isn’t difficult to be kind, and if you think unkind things, it isn’t necessary to say them or type them. What sad little lives they must be living. Using their keyboard courage to lash out at others is pathetic and rude. I love decorating and DIY blogs, and I cannot imagine criticizing someone who is brave enough to invite the entire world in to their home.

    I just recently discovered your blog, and I love all your projects. Your condo is adorable!

  18. Angela says

    Coming out of lurking to 100% agree. I want to say it’s trolling (when people go around on the internet being nasty just to get a reaction) but it’s not always, people have just gotten rude and disrespectful on the internet. My advice: if it’s not constructive criticism, ignore it. Reading and reacting to negativity will only bring you down.

  19. says

    I could not agree with you more or said it better. So many times I have read comments and all I can think of is: “Why can’t we all just get along?!”

    I’ve only been blogging a year and have a separate Facebook page. I will be 57 years old and love what I do, however, I am disabled so I don’t get things done in many ways I used to… and I try to keep it real. I make no excuses. I do not stage my pictures because any one can do what I do and it is all a process, just as life is… I would love for someone to find some encouragement. I used to be hurt by some of the rude comments but have learned that these people are jealous! It is much easier to sit back in your ivory tower and knock and criticize someone else that to get up and try doing it yourself… I just try to keep plugging away… don’t let the bastards get you down!! Have a great weekend ~pat

  20. says

    Amen, Sista! Unfortunately, we live in a time in society where the Mathilda’s of the world can spew their vile and feel safe about doing it. It’s a very sad place to be. I think some sites, like Apartment Therapy, seem to have a mentality that you should ONLY comment if you have something mean to say. I definitely do not get excited when they feature something I did. I have to brace myself for the negative comments.

  21. Sue says

    I agree. I’ve read some pretty negative comments that people put on different decorating/crafty blogs and it doesn’t set well with me. You don’t have to agree with everything that is presented but you (the reader) have two choices: A. Keep your negative comment to yourself and move on to another blog or B. If you feel you have to comment, try to put a positive twist on it. I don’t always like the room or craft that I see but that is probably because my taste is a little different than the designer/crafter. It doesn’t mean it’s bad for others. In a world where we hear a LOT of negativity these days, it would be nice if we could count on our creative blogs/Facebook pages to bring positive things. Thank you Kristi, for making your blog such a fun place to be.

  22. SueR says

    I am a retired librarian, and one of the reasons I retired when I did was noticing how much more unpleasant people in general were becoming. I always believed that something really negative was happening in their lives to make them take it out on me, but I just got tired of being someone’s whipping boy. I am a lurker and NEVER comment, but I do read and enjoy your blog–I have it on RSS feed. keep sending your achievements into the world and know that pleasant thoughts are coming back to you.

  23. says

    I agree!! And it takes a whole lot more energy to be so negative!! I am happy I don’t have to sit in such an unhappy body!! Thank you for speaking the truth, even when it’s not fun and not popular!! You are woman of high character and it shows!!

  24. Carrie Ann vickers says

    I, myself, don’t have a blog. I check them out to get inspiration for my own home. You have know idea how that has helped me come out of my decorative shell. If there is something that doesn’t appeal to me, I move on. There is absolutely no point in leaving mean and nasty comments. Serves no purpose. They must really be miserable in their own lives and have nothing better to do.
    As for the plight of mankind? Totally agree in spades!! Technology, while it has been a benefit, is to blame. We’ve gone off the deep end with no possibility of coming out.
    Thanks for the topic. It needed to be addressed.

  25. says

    Thanks for the post. I don’t understand what’s wrong with people…. some of those people are close to us too so watch out. I had this discussion not too long ago with friends and someone’s reaction was, you put it out on the internet and that’s what you get. ??? Really?

  26. says

    Thanks for calling these people out! I want this reblogged on Apartment Therapy and other large design blogs!
    I got a comment the other day that simply said “that’s just ugly, sorry.” And I was like… are you REALLY sorry? If you were you wouldn’t have commented, or at least done it in a more tactful way.
    Thanks again for voicing what we all feel!

  27. Amy says

    People should follow the old “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. I am soooo envious of the gorgeous projects the bloggers do but if I see one that’s not my taste/style I won’t post a response. What would be the point? Obviously the blogger loves it, why hurt someone’s feelings? Our society has the “who cares” attitude without thinking how cruel they are. This is why so many teens hurt themselves/suicide due to so much online cyberbullying. Great post..thanks for taking the time to write about this!

  28. says

    Great post, you really hit a tune there. The mean comments on blogs are almost “nice” compared to what some people comment on You Tube. Even inspiring, heart felt stories get an (un)fair share of comments and thumbs down. I pointed that out to my youngest (17) recently, he said “haters will be haters”. I don’t get, what people hope to achieve by being mean.

  29. says

    First, I have been a lurker for a little over a year. That is when I discovered decorating blogs. I never knew such blogs existed. Up until that point I had bought magazines and checked out decorating books from the library. My eyes were indeed open when I discovered your blog. :)

    Second, I have been thinking the same thing lately in regards to mean spirited people. I really did not want to leave the house this week because I was so disgusted with the nastiness I was seeing and how many people are unhappy. I have zero tolerance for people such as this. Those that are nasty behind their computer screen are true cowards and have no honor. It is sickening. More and more people seem to be diseased within the core of their being. It is as if all they know what to do is to lash out. To me that is a reflection of an inner war they are battling.

    Anyway, thank you for all your inspiration and sincerity. It truly is a breath of fresh air. :)

  30. says

    Perfect, timely post. Sad to read those comments, but glad you featured them so we could get a feel for what is going on out there. In my opinion its jealousy. It seems to happen when a blog or a post gets well known, and people start to view the blogger as someone different than themselves, therefore without feelings. Thanks for bringing this to light!

  31. says

    Kindness does indeed count. It all goes back to if you can say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. Just because I might not want to recreate any of the looks you featured I can easily find something I like in each and every one of the pictures you posted.

    Let’s accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.

  32. Ellen says

    Perhaps you do the same thing, but I think the Young House Love approach neutralizes the trolls and the ugly critics. Unfortunately, they have to read those posts, but the trolls and the insecure critics are deprived of the attention they are after, and I suspect their numbers decline. It’s probably a pain that they have to okay every single comment, but it’s their party, and they can invite and un-invite whomever they choose.

  33. Jessica Sala says

    I haven’t had hope in the human race for a long time. I agree…If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all. Oh a different note, both these are great rooms! I love the drapes and the hutch in the living room photo and the island and cozy feel of the kitchen :)

  34. says

    Kristi, I don’t comment often, but I read your blog every day and I *had* to comment onthis post! I just got my first nasty comment and I was really surprised. (I’ve selected the blog post in your widget there, if you want to see it — apparently someone didn’t think learning how to drill a hole was blog worthy. Anyway.) I wasn’t upset — I worked too long in the dot com and advertising industries to be offended by other people’s opinions — but I *did* wonder what the world was coming to if people felt so comfortable being so mean. Not just having a differing opinion, but being nasty about expressing it! Why is that necessary? It just makes me sad. Thanks for standing up and saying something! ~Angela~

  35. Kimberly says

    Meh. They don’t represent the masses, thankfully. Ignore, carry on, decorate on. Life’t FAR too short to take notice of this – to be honest, I wish you’d glossed over it. As annoying as it is, take the high road and focus on what you’re doing. You really do get what you give. And you’re a good person. The most I’d ever do is call the person out, politely inquire as to their mental health and their own blog (odds are excellent they possess neither) and move along to the next interesting thing going on – thankfully we live in a wonderful world with SO much to learn and enjoy. You’re an amazing blogger and decorator, keep up the fabulous work!

    • says

      I so agree with this comment, Kristi. Giving them an entire post will probably just encourage them. Many of these folks are just looking for attention and making nasty comments hidden behind a computer identity is their way of doing it.

      Criticism is not a bad thing, if done kindly. Even saying you don’t like something is ok, IF you aren’t nasty about it. Unfortunately, there are many folks out there that seem to not understand this.

      We really do live in a wonderful world and most folks are nice and kind. It is human nature to sometimes dwell on the bad stuff. Try to shake off those comments and keep on doing what you do. You are truly inspiring. Thanks for taking the time to share your skills with others.

  36. Guerrina says

    I’ve noticed these types of comments on many blogs I read. I always try to leave a comment that is truthful, but not hurtful, if someone asks what I think. I may say it’s not my style, but does look beautiful. Or I may have questions or concerns that I ask about. In general, I love 90% of what I see and for the rest most often choose not to leave a comment. That said, if I have offended you by any of my comments, I sincerely apologize.

  37. says

    Well said. Even those with thick skin can feel defeated at times when they have poured their heart and soul into a project and are gracious enough to share with everyone. Bloggers aren’t naive. They know their project will not be liked by all. That is impossible. But most bloggers hope that maybe one little piece or idea that they share will inspire someone to do something for themselves no matter the result, and all deserve kindness.

  38. says

    I think your post was spot on, and I don’t understand what is wrong with people. I can only think that (a) they are miserable and (b) are hiding behind their screens. The good news is that there are more of “us” than “them”, so hold your head high and ignore the negativity. I personally love your blog and enjoy watching and reading about your projects! Have a great weekend! Anna

  39. says

    I agree wholeheartedly with your post! As a new blogger, this kind of negativity was partly what held me back from starting my blog for soooooo long. But I finally decided that my skin is thick enough and I’m confident enough that I love my own space that I don’t care if other people love it too.

    I also think there is a certain amount of limited thinking and ignorance, really – just because something isn’t your cup of tea doesn’t mean that you can’t appreciate it for its beauty, creativity, function, or for the blood, sweat, and tears that went into it!

    As a Kindergarten teacher I work hard every day to teach my kids about kindness and respect and to teach them not to bully others. That is really what these people are- online bullies. I think a courtesy policy is a great idea! Take away the bullies power.

  40. Mary Stewart says

    Well said! If you don’t like it, move on. I would not have painted my vanity yellow because its not my taste. But I loved the way it works for you and I learned so much from that post. I’m going to be redoing a similar sized bathroom. I will be using the wall and vanity tutorial in a different color scheme and I am thrilled to say I will be saving a ton of money thanks to you. Love your blog. if you wear out your soap box- I’ve got one I can send you! YOU GO MAMA!

  41. Geneva says

    Couldn’t agree with you more but where would we be if that stopped you awesome bloggers from constantly inspiring me? Stay strong. Jealousy is a green huge monster that lives in their souls.

  42. Monica Benson says

    What I’ve noticed is that those people who have accomplished very little, are envious of those that take risks. It takes intelligence, courage, and talent to create your blog. The swamp dwellers that are consistently negative are weak in character and have nothing in their life to be proud of,… So they have to criticize others to feel better about themselves. I know they don’t deserve it, but I pity them.

  43. Deborah Newton-Hair says

    I guess I am in the minority, here. I think these types og blogs are exactly like any show on HGTV. We all sit and critique those, and not always with our filters on. These types of blogs are “one of the big boys” as far as us regular people ( I mean me.) I look forward to perusing each and every update. I guess I just do not feel compelled to write down any criticisms that I may have. But I also believe no one should ask a question if they are not prepared to hear the answer; if you ask “whatcha think of this room?” be prepared for some not to feel all warm and fuzzy AND to have to tell you about it.

  44. says

    I hear what you are saying. One time I made an innocent remark aimed at absolutely no one in particular that I didn’t much care for the burlap style that is so popular. I just think burlap is itchy and have never cared for it. Anyway, someone took my comment as a personal insult. I had no intentions of hurting anyone or being mean, but that is how they interpreted it. I have felt bad ever since that happened, so I only post positive things and keep the “I don’t like this, and I don’t like that” to myself. I am entitled to my opninion, but I do regret posting the remark. People can do whatever they want to do, and if it makes them happy, it really doesn’t matter if I like it or not. I have learned to keep my mouth shut because I sure don’t want to come across as mean or rude. As you know, I admire the heck out of your decorating ambition. You have encouraged me to step out and try reupolstering a lovely backyard chair that I have. I followed your advice on how to do piping and it does make a big difference in the way the chair looks.Anyway, enough talk about my guilty feelings. I learned my lesson that sometimes what is posted on the internet can come out sounding harsh:)

  45. My Cherie Amour says

    I love it that you called these people out. What ever happened to “if you can’t say something nice”? Not everyone has the same taste, no need to announce that your taste is different from someone else’s. I see it every where I go. People are so rude.

  46. says

    The mean comments are never, ever acceptable. However, it seems commonplace. It is sadly also commonplace for bloggers to make veiled comments about other bloggers projects, gallery pictures, etc. When you read enough of them, you start seeing it. It is not only a spirit of meanness but I think a spirit of superiority that is ruling.

  47. says

    I totally agree. I think one of the most ridiculous negative things I’ve seen in months was on a crock pot recipe page when people started ganging up on others who they thought were posting too many recipes with ingredients like Cream of Mushroom soup. Although I would agree it might not be the healthiest of ingredients, there are times it comes in mighty handy when I’ve been in a hurry and need a simple recipe. Through the years I’ve watched a heck of a lot of HGTV and I think a LOT of people are living their lives with the expectation that everything is supposed to be perfect.

  48. Sandy Schwartz says

    I don’t usually leave response’s but I had to with your comments. You are so correct on people and there negative feedbacks. I believe these types of people are unhappy with life in general and feel better putting other people down to make themselves feel better. I would like to to thank you for your blog as it is things I like and enjoy. Your bathroom has turned out fantastic and you should be very proud of it. Please continue the great job. It is a shame that some people have not got the grace God blessed them with. Thanks and keep up the great work! Sandy

  49. says

    Try not to let the unkind comments make you feel badly. A lack of tact and the anonymity that a computer provides make it so easy for people to lose all manners and civility. Just remember that lots of people love reading your blog and are inspired by it. I read it all the time, but rarely post:)
    Maude

  50. Becky says

    How odd, I just posted on FB about something that disgusted me today, someone made a video of tiny children cussing and a ton of people were saying how adorable/cute/funny it was. I was disturbed because you know they learned all the very filthy language they were using from their parents saying it over and over in front of them. It has to be stopped somehow. I have at times confronted people over it, we went to a hockey game with my young son and two men were loudly talking about F*** this and that, and this person. I said, I am here with my young son, would you please not talk like that in front of us? I am a lady. They got so embarrassed they got up and left…they were also loud and it was hard to even concentrate on the game, so I didn’t feel badly about them going. Good for you Kristi. People feel like they can be bullies, but being on the internet is NOT a license to be mean.

  51. Kathy Strader says

    Sometimes, I am downright shocked by the things people say in their comments on blogs. The anonymity afforded us by social media has made us mean. Everyone is so shocked by children that bully but the truth is they learn it from their parents. From where I sit, you rock!

  52. Paige says

    It seems as if most of the comments posted are by people who would be better served improving upon their spelling and grammar skills, as opposed to their decorating talent.

  53. Kerry says

    Well said Kristi – I admire you for writing this blog. My heart goes out to these “nay-sayers”….what type of life they must lead to be so negative. We only go around once, so why not enjoy and laugh and appreciate the difference we all are.

    p.s. I LOVE your blog and have learned so much from you – thank you!

  54. says

    Isn’t it just terrible!??? I actually just posted about this same issue a few weeks ago because I just don’t understand how people can be SO mean?!? My only answer is that those people are miserable and don’t have anything better to do with their time. They put others down to make themselves feel better. I put a recent post of mine on HomeTalk and got some very hurtful comments in return. After debating whether or not I should delete the post, I remembered that so many people loved my post and it was helpful to them – and thats what really matters:) Your work is amazing and I always love reading your posts! Who needs those negative Nancy’s anyways;) And by the way, your bathroom makeover is looking great so far! Can’t wait to see the finished product.

  55. Terri Ball says

    OH NO please do not seal me out. I usually do NOT make many comments unless something is totally up my alley (if you know what I mean–I want IT) I am a recluse (some health requirements) and choose only to get my interaction through the web. Yes people are mean. I too, did not notice at first, but it is worse everyday. I Choose to think like you, they must be miserable! They give snide barbs because they can’t or won’t do things themself and hold it against others that can and do. PLEASE remember some of the good ones out here appreciate your doing and sharing. What goes around comes around for everyone. Keep up the good things you do everyday without even Knowing HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE IT!!!!

    • Terri Ball says

      I wonder some times if people are so short sighted that they can not look and see potential- Our society has pretty much gone the way of instant gratification. I see things all the time and think, that would be perfect for the little hall if it was ?(different color/pattern). Or give me an idea to use a little table thats been in the attic for 30 years. It is called inspiration…. I also like things for other peoples places that would not match my stuff…but it is still gorgeous. My family (Mom, Grandmother, daughter) and I all have different tastes but can see and appreciate (at times make/buy) things for one another. Alot of people will learn (old ways of making due) as they get older, life isn’t what you expected or want, but what you have. I think I need a soapbox. LOL

  56. Sharon H (TX) says

    Thanks for the post – I agree that the world seems to be getting meaner. I think that technology, while a wonderful thing, also allows us to “say” things that we would never imagine saying to someone face-to-face. I don’t necessarily like the way my friends’ decorate their homes, but I can’t imagine telling them “that rug is butt ugly!” I’m not sure why people feel it’s okay to do online.

    And, working in a school, I can tell you that this trend of being mean has already spread to our children. Not all, but any means, but there are enough kids out there that have absolutely no respect for teachers or each other.

  57. Cathy says

    If we all had the exact same taste there would be no need for blogs because everyone would decorate exactly the same!

    Every room I look at has things I like and things I don’t. I always see things I would do different, a darker or lighter shade of paint, a different backsplash, etc.

    I would ALWAYS accept the room, if it could be shipped to me!!….. (and then change a few things)…..LOL!I can’t understand why people need to point out, rudely, the parts that aren’t what they would choose!!

    Manners are a thing of the past….how sad!!

  58. Jeni says

    Kristi,
    It’s like fussing about a Sunday sermon! Ask yourself, could I have done a better job? At least the preacher is up there doing something while some are sitting there complaining!

    It really is so unnecessary to complain about a person’s hard work. They are opening themselves up & it is so rude to be so mean. Bloggers are people who are sharing out of kindness to allow others to learn from them. I am so grateful for all the free advice & experience given so graciously from DIY’ers.

    This topic just hit hard today because on facebook last evening a blogger posted a before & after of someone’s bath re-do & it was lovely & updated. There were probably 30 comments & all but a small handful were filled with meanness. I was livid that there was such criticism. It’s like they did not know it was done by a real person!

    Also, maybe on facebook or less intimate sites many are not your “in the know” type decorators & don’t take chances that are bolder, riskier, more creative & up-to-date than they are familiar with. When you seek bloggers, you may be a more open-minded person, looking for new ideas. We are in our happy, playground when visiting & seeking out blogs we love….like you & a bunch of other home blogging sites.

    I mean really, how many of us would have painted anything black, or how many of us would have accepted the Home Depot guy telling us it can’t be done! Oh & who paints a bathtub? ;) Well, yes it can & we do & we are thankful for the ones who go before us & make it easier for timid do-it-yourself(ers) like me.

    I vote DTME…delete the mean…every-time!

    Keep up the great work! Loving the bathroom re-do & thanks for sharing!

  59. says

    I’m a part time blogger who quit the whole blogging scene over one mean comment posted on my blog. As much as I told myself to “be like a duck” and let it roll off my back and pretend that it didn’t matter, it did. I applaud you for taking a stand and calling those people out. I sure wish I had the balls to do that! (Sorry for that term, btw.) I slowly returned to blogging as I realized that everyone has haters and some people are just plain rude. If we all just followed the golden rule can you imagine how more beautiful this life would be? That you for speaking up for all of us! Maybe the next time I see or hear a snarky comment I will be the one to stand up and say “Enough!” Jules

  60. says

    Hi Kristi … it’s Becca … you know, the girl with the *marshmallow* ottoman, looking at the *dead animal* on the floor while I wait for *the dead!* LOL! I loved reading your post (and, surprised and flattered that you included our poor, poor sitting room, lol … thank you). Sure, my feelings were hurt in the beginning of reading those *loving* comments … sure, I wanted to send Miss Matilda a *sweet* note, but, then, I clicked on her page … took a peek at her furniture (including a piece she was selling) … and, then, it all made sense. Unfortunately, I really believe that misery loves company … the unfortunate comments that certain folks leave are truly a reflection of how unhappy they are with themselves, their lives and lack of a social life. I mean, seriously, WHO could ever say one.negative.thing about yours or Kari’s home)?! Ironically, what first upset me then made me laugh. We’ll probably never be able to make those folks be nice … I guess all we can do is focus on supporting each other, especially when these ugly comments rear their yucky heads! Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I need to go wash my “butt ugly” slipcovers! Happy Weekend!

    • Jeni says

      “… took a peek at her furniture (including a piece she was selling) … and, then, it all made sense.

      Oh, funny Becca! I did the same thing when a poster posted something here that was just not positive. Checked her out on fb & she was just plain snarky to everyone, including her own friends.

      So, know when you read a negative remark, most of us are on your side & you just don’t know how many also thought, how wrong & boy is that person rude. Too bad we let one bother us so. Remember most are NOT like that. Thank goodness!

      • says

        You’re sweet, Jeni … thank you! And, LOL … I’m glad I’m not the only one who took a peek at someone being pretty rotten to see what their life is like! I almost feel sorry for those who can’t find anything nice to say … their loss! I’m just happy that the blogging community is such an amazing, supportive one! Happy weekend.

        • Gilmer Gal says

          Becca and Kristi, and all you other fantastic bloggers out there who inspire me to “take back my house,” thank you for your blogs. Yeah, there are some posts I wonder about, but I never leave a negative comment. Becca, your parlor is cute, Kristi your bathroom, kitchen, breakfast, laundry hallway, etc, etc – awesome. Very creative, all. There are some sad, lonely people out there who want you to feel as bad as they do. They are only hurting themselves and could probably use a little Jesus time. If they get an angry or hurt reaction out of you, then they have won the battle. Take the high road, babes! It’s the best route and usually shuts them up.

  61. says

    If someone left rude comments on my blog like that, I would probably start crying or even think about closing my blog as sensitive as I am.

    Shame on the people that feel they have to be so mean. And the thing is, I don’t see anything at all with any of those rooms!

    Thanks for posting!

    • says

      Sandy, I’m super sensitive, too, and do NOT have a thick skin – always wished I did, but mean comments like what Kristi is pointing out would probably make me cry for days! Thank goodness no one reads my blog (I’ve not updated it in over a year, anyhow, too side-tracked with work to do anything with my home, and am thinking I should probably just delete the blog). I agree, all those rooms are lovely, but of course they are not going to be to everyone’s taste. So one would think people that weren’t raised in the wild would at least think TO THEMSELVES “That’s not to my taste” and move on, but no, they feel like they need to bring the entire room down with them. *Sigh!*

  62. Sue says

    What a great post. Totally agree with you. For the last two years of reading decorating, design and DIY blogs, it’s been a pleasure to participate in comment. A little while ago HOUZZ added a “Discussion” section where readers can ask for advice with design dilemmas and readers – professional and amatuer – can offer ideas. Seemed to have started out well and it was fun to watch the posts build on each other’s ideas. The majority offer great inspiration, but along the way three disturbing trends have emerged. Let’s say someone asks for help with furniture layout and lighting but comments that a few pieces need to stay (new, heirlooms, etc.) Rather than giving constructive comments, some posters will attack aspects of the room or run down the whole room. Others will try to dictate a style based on their personal taste rather than what the owner is trying to achieve. And the worst is those that derail the entire discussion with unrelated comments dueling with others and celebrating the supposed greatness. There’s one woman (at least she represents herself as such but a look at the internet makes one wonder if its a false name/front) who if I see her on a series of posts, I will not comment anymore. It’s too hard to follow the good posters when she runs the conversation off the rails. At the end of the day, I like what Young House Love does. They have a warning that if you’re going to be snarky, they have the right to censor the comment before it is posted. Anyone who maintains a blog should have the right to censor rude and inappropriate like the ones you’ve noted above. If their mama didn’t raise them with manners, it’s alright to limit their access to the website you pay for and maintain.

  63. Sherrie says

    Kirstie,
    My Sister had a friend that went missing. She asked me to start a Facebook page because I have had experience with missing people. My husband also had went missing. I started the page. She has three sons and a husband. People dug into my life, posted the way my husband died and attacked me constantly. People that didn’t even know the family or the missing woman. They attacked her children, her husband and brought out every single ugly detail of her life into the public. The police had asked me not to give out any details or any history on her. I found that some people are mean and sick. They group together because they have found someone as sick as they are or as mean. They have a lot of time on their hands to do this. I even made the Chicago news over it, I live in Missouri. And some of these people threaten to come to my house and my Sister’s house. I could never say the right thing without being attacked. I learned a hard lesson. There are mean or very sick people. You have to roll with it and expect it is going to happen. Never ever bat a eye or make a remark back it gives them power to know how much it has bothered you. Let your fans take up for you or the other bloggers. Because they will. If it is getting totally out of control…the bloggers should complain to home-talk, and Facebook, and on Facebook each one of you need block them right away. If you see a profile that doesn’t look right on Facebook look at them before you add them. Some people you block make poser profiles. The ones that make bad comments are trollers. Everyone of you that blog should complain especially if it is the same person, mean business, since you are such a close group act as a group and everyone complain. It will make Hometalk listen. Make copies of the things they post. Putting out their name is a smart idea but since you are a group of women that support other women act as a group. People will hear and listen to you. I apologize in advance if I have over spoken. It isn’t meant to offend I hope. Sherrie

  64. Mary says

    I guess I belong to the “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything” crowd. Not everyone has the same taste, but it isn’t necessary to post nasty comments regarding someone else’s hard work. I love to read blogs and while I don’t like everything the bloggers do, I marvel at their ingenuity and vision. Me, I have no vision. :)

    It isn’t easy, but you just have to ignore the haters. They seem to be the most unhappy people on the planet and want to drag everyone down into their pit of misery.

    I enjoy reading about your projects and your inventive ways of working around “problems”, such as the wallpaper in your bathroom. This is your blog. You have the right to block the people that are attacking you.

  65. says

    Hi, Kristi:
    I just recently “found” you. I’ve loved drooling over your projects, and admiring how handy you are.

    Rather than lurking about, I decided to leave a quick note to let you know that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. And, I might add, you conveyed it a heck of a lot more tactfully than many of us would (okay, I really meant me…but I digress). Simply put, you rock, little lady — and I, for one, am more thrilled than ever to have found you.

    With warm regards,
    Traci

  66. Donnamae says

    I’m truly sorry you have had to experience mean spirited people. I don’t always feel as enthusiastic about a room or project as the blog author might when they post a picture…but I was taught…if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Those people who criticize are nothing more than your average everyday bully. If we, as a society, aren’t willing to tolerate bullies anymore, then I’m hoping we can change behavior! ;)

  67. says

    i totally agree with you kristi…i can’t imagine the ugliness some people spew. and i can’t imagine ANYONE not loving anything that becca and karianne do…their homes are spectacular!

    great post…hopefully the “mean girls” will go away, far, far, away!

  68. says

    There’s also a big difference between saying something on TV is ugly, in the privacy of your living room vs. stating it out in the cyberworld, for anyone to see (AND especially for the creator to see!).

    There’s an art to saying you don’t personally think something is attractive or not your style. It’s certainly not done in the way those people did. I think some of those people may even be trolls with a fake identity, who want the reaction. What a shame.

    Hopefully, you know your work is fabulous so this stuff can’t bother you. Don’t let them win.

  69. Lara says

    sad~ I honestly have sometimes thought (ok & maybe even said aloud;) the not-so-nice comments but post them?!? NO way! The really sad thing w/those comments is when the creator is reading them, it only takes one to knock out all the other compliments! Why is it that our minds tend to sometimes obsess over the one negative comment and somehow drown out the positive majority?
    Creators – be strong!
    Haters – go away!

  70. says

    You really hit upon something that I’ve noticed too and that has really bothered me. I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to say such things to others. Some people seem to feel that it’s ok because it’s on the computer and there’s no human contact. BUT there IS a person behind that screen who is reading your words and possibly having their feelings hurt. It’s that way outside of the web as well. Customer Service is a thing of the past, neighbors don’t chat any more, it just doesn’t make sense to me. One of the things I love about this community is how friendly and supportive everybody is! I have made some great friends here and learned so much. Not everything is to my liking but isn’t that what makes us unique? We all have our own tastes but I love to see something different, something new. I may not like it for myself or my home, but I can appreciate the time, effort and talent that went into it! If you don’t like it, don’t comment. If you feel you simply must comment, then say something like “thank you for sharing your ideas” or “thank you for taking the time to post this” would that be so hard to do? I read a lot of blogs and I usually leave a comment on every post I read, if for no other reason, to let the writer know that I read their work and that I appreciated their sharing. People just seem to think that they have to say something. Maybe it makes them feel bigger or better. If that’s what they need, I feel sorry for them. I have more important things in my life and I like being able to share those things with people who share interests with me. Anyway, I could go on and on but let me say that I do agree with you, that the people who received these horribly rude remarks didn’t deserve to be treated that way and that we should all just ignore and delete these comments and enjoy ourselves. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all is what these people need to pay attention to! Thank you for writing your post! Hugs, Leena

  71. Darlene Badgley says

    I believe there are a lot of people in our world who are very unhappy. If wish they could start by finding one thing positive in their life and feel the difference that makes. We don’t all have to like the same things… that’s what makes life interesting. But we can all find something positive from each idea that is presented and use it to make our life better. There are so many blogs with ideas that “make me feel good and have a better day.” Thank you, all, for what you do to make the world a better place to live. We need the positive!!

  72. says

    Way to go, and AMEN! People can just be mean – denegrating the whole POINT of creativity…a truly creative person can look at any space or idea, and even if it’s not their taste, can appreciate JUST the creativity involved – or adapt an idea to their own taste! Unfortunately, NON-creative types (like Matilda), are incapable of this, which probably makes their world a sad and uninspired place. Maybe we can’t ignore them, but we can feel sorry for them. xoT

  73. says

    Kristi, I enjoy reading your blog! It is sad but there are a lot of rude and miserable people in this world. You are a wealth of blogging and DIY information and have so much to share. Keep up the good work!!!

  74. says

    Well said and so many great comments. I think we are losing our compassion and spirituality here in the US and I’m not talking religion. People seem to have an us and them attitude and don’t have any kind of tolerance for others tastes and views. And they feel righteous while hurting and insulting because they are “throwing rocks” at someone with a different take on things. I don’t understand it, don’t partake in it and didn’t raise my sons to be this way. If you can’t help someone at least don’t hurt them!
    And frankly what makes this a wonderful world are all the different views, opinions and tastes :)

  75. says

    My grandmother always said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Your post is right on. I don’t mean being sicky sweet, just being tactful would certainly help.

  76. Robin says

    I rarely comment on blogs but I have followed yours for a while. While I may not like everything I see, I appreciate the tremendous effort you put into your work.
    The rude, baseless comments come from people that hide behind the anonymity of the Internet and would never have the courage to say mean things directly to anyone’s face. Just know that we all have more supporters than detractors and do not give them anymore attention than they deserve.

  77. Robin says

    While I may not like everything I see, I appreciate the tremendous effort you put into your work.The rude, baseless comments come from people that would never have the courage to say mean things directly to anyone’s face. We all have more supporters than detractors. Don’t give them anymore attention than they deserve.

  78. says

    Kristi, You are so right.
    What has happened to being polite? I was always taught that if you don’t find something to your taste keep it to yourself. Why comment? Just pass on it. There are so many talented bloggers creating beautiful personal homes (including you) and not everyone is going to like every single one. So comment on the ones you like and otherwise admire the creativity of the ones that are not your personal style. We really need an overhaul in the way people treat one another.
    I am sure personal unhappiness and jealousy play a part in the negativity. When they put their nastiness out there it is just bringing more bad karma back on these unhappy people. If they can’t be like you they want to tear you down.
    I say ignore them and move on with this neighborhood of support and kindness that makes up the majority of the DIY and Home Design blog world.
    You have a wonderfully creative place to visit. I get so inspired when I see your latest project.
    Thanks for sharing it all, Pam

  79. says

    I agree! I have not had anyone leave any hurtful comments… yet!… and I’m thankful for that, I don’t know if I’m as thick-skinned as some! LOL! I think there are just some people out there that don’t “get” the look that is so popular right now but really? Why leave a hurtful comment? I don’t see the point either.

    I have had someone (actually one of my friends) comment on a piece of art that I made once that hurt my feelings. It was an altered spoon Christmas ornament that I had sold and was getting ready to ship off to its new owner and my friend said “why would someone buy THAT?!” I was truly hurt although I never let her know that! It made me question our friendship, I wondered why would someone who claims to be my friend say something like that? I honestly don’t think she meant it how it came out or sounded, the ornament is totally not her style but still!!! Keep your mouth SHUT!!!

    Tania

  80. says

    I quit Facebook for this very reason. Too many people have no filter, and far too many seemingly think that hiding behind a computer monitor gives them some sort of “right” to say things that would never be said to your face. Keep up the good work! Don’t let the nasties drag you down.

  81. says

    I love your post. I think that as a society, we are going to hell in a handbasket as the saying goes. There are so many nice ways to say that you don’t like something – if you need to say anything at all. But, to deliberately hurt another human being’s feelings is just plain wrong. I write short stories on my blog and I am a book reviewer. We are also attacked. I had a couple of book reviews blasted on Amazon. It was MY opinion. They didn’t have to agree, but to blast someone for thinking differently? Don’t understand it. It only shows their lack of intelligence and their unhappiness. You hit the nail on the head with this wonderful post. Keep up the good work. I am also glad you called her out by name. By the same token that you are opening yourself up by placing pictures on a blog, they open themselves up to critique – by name – when they comment on a pubic forum.

    Great job! Donna
    http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

  82. Marilyn Lundberg says

    It’s interesting to me that most of those “haters” can’t spell and don’t know anything about punctuation.

  83. Melanie says

    I agree. I am so totally indebted to each and every blogger I read. How wonderful that you open yourselves and your homes to the rest of us, to learn, share and encourage us. If we are just browsing or trying to get ideas for our own DIY projects, it is appreciated! This world does have some ugly and I chose not to read the numerous posts above mine today; I’m hoping they are not the ugly ones, but the encouraging ones. Please keep up the good work and ignore the uglies :( Like my momma always told me ” If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”

  84. says

    Kristi,

    First, I want to say I LOVE your vanity and plan to do something very similair to my bathroom when I move. I haven’t gotten any negative comments yet which kind of surprises me because I have negative comments about my posts sometimes..lol. There are people out there that only feel better when they make others feel worse. I found all of your examples beautiful. I think design is like art, I think you can’t criticize the artist for their choices because it is their work. You either appreciate it or you don’t, but you have the right to give your opinion in a constructive and polite way or keep your mouth shut. I do not expect everyone to agree or like everything I do but I appreciate if people are honest in a respectful way. That is natural courtesy. I always appreciate your authentic voice and can be open about things that matter to you.

  85. Jen L. says

    That living room is gorgeous! I am personally not a fan of lots of white especially furniture, however, with all those warm colors, and that beautiful blue in the curtains and buffet piece, the white furniture is a perfect match for that space.it’s inviting and I would LOVE to have a space as beautiful as that.

    Hater are gonna hate, but I agree, If you’re a hater and can’t say anything nice – KEEP QUITE!!

  86. Vicki says

    Everyone has already said everything I would have said. You go girl. Love everything you do.
    The kitchen and living room you showed in my oppinion are beautiful. Maybe not my style but they are pretty.

  87. DM says

    I really enjoy your ideas. I subscribed to you because of your step by step instructions on sprucing up an old dresser. Some people are not happy. Pray for them and ignore them. They’re all over sadly. Seems common courtesy has gone out the window.

  88. Jeni says

    If I were a blogger/decorator I think I would say the following:

    “As a blogger decorating my own home, I do it this way because I like it. If you hire me as your decorator I will get to know your likes, dislikes & try to decorate according to your taste. If I decorated your home by only my taste I would not be a useful decorator to you.

    Then I should hang-up my hat but since you have not paid nor asked me to give you advise on your taste please do not feel obliged to take any of my ideas to heart. In the meantime, I hope your get something useful from the examples I share by making them your own or not.

    If you only comment according to your taste then that is not helpful. Maybe you can… respectfully, in your comments, tell me & others how you would make an idea your own & offer something positive that might open a discussion of different ways or takes on my example or just scroll on by & I will understand. Thank your for visiting.”

    Be ready & prepared now before the next rude comment (and unfortunately there will be) what you want to say before the hurt gets in the way & brings you down.

    If mean or disrespectful comments ensure….delete because like the lady in the latest viral video says,”Ain’t nobody got time for that!” ;)

  89. says

    I really enjoy your ideas. I subscribed to you because of your step by step instructions on sprucing up an old dresser. It stuff that i can actually do. Some people are not happy. Pray for them and ignore them. They’re all over sadly. Seems common courtesy has gone out the window.

  90. says

    Wow, it looks like everyone has wanted to get this off their chest!! I have pondered this same question myself since I first began noticing the nasties about three years ago, and they have so increased! I had the good fortune of one of my projects being featured on Apartment Therapy. Oh my goodness. Most of the comments were really lovely, but there were some just scathing, angry, downright mean comments. One in particular was just over the top. I looked up the commenter and saw that he had something negative to say about just about everyone. WHO ARE these people????? I think,(world according to Karen) is these people are unhappy, jealous of others ability to create, write, inspire and take it out in the form of negativity. I would love to know how much these naysayers have offered up of their own projects, rooms, ideas, etc. My guess would be zero. If you do get a nasty comment, and I would love for everyone to know there is a fun place to vent them, Viv from the Vpsot runs the blog, the negative Nancy is answered on the blog, and readers weigh in with their own answers. http://myfavoritehatemail.blogspot.com/

  91. says

    Kristi, I have been going through the same thing lately. I have a group of crotchety women on a forum that completely crossed the line. If you don’t like the rooms in my house that is one thing, but to get personal and make fun of me as a person isn’t acceptable. I am still a human being that has feelings. I agreed with your comment about the dream home. If I had an endless supply of money like HGTV to do a room, I should be able to take some criticism. But I have a budget to stick to in my own home and it is my home. If I am decorating someone else’s house then I will take criticism. It is my house. I should be allowed to do what I like in it. Thanks for saying this and putting it out there. Mean people suck!

  92. Althea says

    I’m 68 years young and find the lack of manners among the general population these days appalling. I always go out of my way to compliment a mother when I observe her children behaving well. However, as you pointed out the people who need to read this probably won’t . If you can’t say something constructive, keep your mouth shut and move on.

  93. Lisa says

    I’ve seen this done on other blogs, too. These people are crazy sad and it doesn’t just upset the blogger, but also their followers. I am totally for a 1oo% Courtesy Policy. As a blog follower, we enjoy coming to your blog and others for eye-candy and stress relief. We enjoy seeing the creativity that springs from screen. These snarky comments put a damper on things for us, too. They would lose their incentive, if their comments were never seen by the public AND they were blocked from the site(if possible).

  94. Lisa says

    You are so right about this. I have stopped reading comments on most sites, except decorating/craft blogs and websites. Its just so discouraging to see all that negativity. There seems to be alot of anger, jealousy and insensitivity that emerges from behind the keyboard. It’s sad, but a fact we must all face. I think it is good that you made a statement about it. Thanks for all your inspiring ideas and remember there are more of us who are here to learn and share. Don’t let their negativity hinder your creative spirit. :)

  95. Heather Robertson says

    I understand what you are saying, but by writing this post aren’t you just dishing out the same sauce as all those haters?

    • says

      I don’t believe that’s the case…some people need to be called to the carpet…why just ignore and enable someone to keep thinking what they are doing is right, even if they don’t care if it is or not.

      Even though having a blog is a public publication, it is still personal. People need to know what having healthy boundaries are, and why their bad behavior is negative for everyone.

    • says

      I hardly see how it’s the same thing. If you witnessed a group of bullies being cruel to others on a consistent basis, and then one day you said to them, “Enough! You’re acting like jerks, and this behavior needs to stop!”, would you be “dishing out the same sauce” as the bullies?

      Obviously not.

      Now if I started being a bully back to them, calling them names, insulting their intelligence, talking smack about their homes, their taste, their decorating decisions, etc., that would definitely be “dishing out the same sauce”, but that’s not what I’ve done. I’ve just pointed out their behavior and expressed my dismay at the fact that this behavior seems to be ramping up.

      • Heather Robertson says

        I agree it’s not the EXACT same thing, however, is it positive and inspiring to call someone out publicly so the whole blog world can ridicule them?
        The quote at the top said if you don’t have anything nice to say then just keep quiet. Enough said! I.M.H.O

        • Heather Robertson says

          I would just like to add that I love your work kristi. I do think you are an amazing designer! I just didn’t like that a personal name was used without them knowing to make an example of them. Other than that, I agree with everything you wrote!

        • says

          We’ll have to agree to disagree on this. :) To ridicule means to mock or make fun of someone, to subject someone to contemptuous laughter, to make them a laughing stock. I haven’t seen anyone here “ridiculing” her. Bringing a person’s behavior to light is not “ridiculing” them. And besides that, she posts her nasty comments under that name on a page with over 400,000 fans. She’s the one who has made a her behavior public.

          But like I said, we’ll have to agree to disagree. :)

        • says

          Yes….it’s a positive and inspiring act to stop the bullies from bullying.

          Having healthy boundaries is an essential part of having relationships…there are consequences to our behavior…we reap what we sow. There are most likely people in those bullies lives that would be saying, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

          I doubt if sending a private email to a bullying poster would curb their appetite for public validation…because that’s what their looking for.

  96. says

    I enjoy your blog also, so keep up the great work, and have fun doing so!

    I know it’s hard sometimes to not let all those crass minded/speaking people get stuck in ones craw (I used to work with someone for many years, and thought for sure someday she would be able to see just how toxic some of the things that rolled off her tongue were…but some people just refuse to see their facade for what it really is).

    I have a blog too… post poems, artwork, photography…just a beginning dabbler : ) Before I started blogging though, I had read comments on another’s blog that were down right nasty, so I opted to review the comments someone may post on my blog before the public can view them. I realize that could make it difficult for someone who receives numerous comments, taking the time to have to review them in a timely fashion, but for me it works. I may not be on line for periods of time, and I would rather not have some kook’s comments hanging out their dirty laundry on my line….pun intended : )
    God Bless!

  97. says

    Hi Kristi, I am new to fb/bt. I saw this post and clicked over. I love you blog!!! so many creative and VERY professional looking projects!! Some people just have too much time on their hands and live for that kind of negativity so that they can feel better about themselves… hence: you are providing them a service!! But, I agree, why can’t people just be nice? I’ll never figure it out.

  98. says

    Thank you for this post. I have just gone public with my blog. Negativity was one of my big concerns. I don’t expect everyone to love me, but since I invited everyone into my “home”, I expect everyone to use their best manners. I am at a loss why someone would take the time to stalk a website they find unappealing. I also want to know why hundreds of comments are positive, yet we fret over a few negative comments. I just have to keep reminding myself there has been more kindness that meanness.

  99. jen says

    I agree. But it’s not just behind the computer screen..I’ve had people make comments about whether or not I’m smiling and that I look crabby…and these are strangers. I hope that if enough of us complain that the message will finally get through that it’s not ok to trash other people

  100. says

    Amen! Seriously I always think to myself, would you walk into someone’s house and say this to their face about their home? No, of course not, it seems these people don’t realize there is a real person who worked hard behind these projects!

  101. Shia Simone says

    Ladies lets not forget why we share our fabulous ideas and projects in the first place. Because they are fabulous ideas.
    That said, lets not devote too much energy to those who are “socially challenged”.

  102. says

    I had my fair share of ugly back in the day of RMS {rate my space}. It hurt, I will admit..it stung real bad. That is why I started a blog hoping I would just get nice people that liked what I had to share. I have been lucky so far and grateful that it has been that way. We all have different taste and a flair for decorating that may not appeal to all. But people be kind…ugly is ugly and why on earth do would you want to leave that mark?!~

  103. Julie says

    I think you nailed it when you said “Hurting people hurt people.” Or, less eloquently, misery loves company. It’s so unnecessary!

    I think the anonymity of the internet emboldens people…especially those with personality disorders that allow them to think that they are SO wise that everyone deserves to hear and will benefit from their criticism. They need to get a real life so they can be reminded of the proper way to interact with other human beings.

    I’m NOT a DIY blogger, so I haven’t developed the tough skin associated with that. We recently painted our house. I was shooting for a taupe for the siding with white trim and black shutters. Well, I had one of those paint color failures that are really pretty common, and while I was trying to avoid having too much yellow in my siding color, I wound up with not enough gray and too much pink/orange. Once applied on a two-story house, it dried roughly the color of a mud-dauber’s nest. Not horrible, but definitely not the intended look. But it DID look fresh and sparkly clean. I posted a photo on my own FaceBook page, and someone I’d never even heard of posted a comment that he didn’t like the color. Really? Brazen and uncalled for on a stranger’s FaceBook page. I doubt common courtesy would ever have allowed him to do that in person. Or at least, I hope society hasn’t deteriorated to that point. :-(

  104. Stephanie says

    To me, the point of visiting your (or any decorating) blog is to get ideas and hopefully learn some new techniques. If I don’t care for a color you’re using, it doesn’t mean I can’t take something constructive from your post. Or if I don’t want a wood counter top in my bathroom, it doesn’t mean I can’t make and use one in another room. Perhaps these people don’t understand what blogs are for. At any rate, I do really like the colors you use in your home. The colors in my home are quite similar except I also have touches of raspberry.

    Blog on!
    steph

  105. mindy says

    Computer screens do not have emotions, but the people who read the words contained on a screen do. I wish that everyone, before typing anything, nasty or otherwise, would ask themselves, “Would I want to say these words to the other person’s face?”. If not, then remember what we learned as children…….”If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”… Everyone deserves a compliment.. Let’s not lose the art of human interaction and compassion.. Computers provide the luxury of thinking before speaking….let’s indulge in that luxury.

  106. says

    If we all liked the same things, it would sure make decorating easy and boring, wouldn’t it? Given we don’t all like the same thing, I will never understand why people who don’t like something feel the need to say so. Too much effort required and wasted to make a negative comment in my opinion. Move on and find something for which you have positive feedback!

    That said, I’ve seen this same behavior all over. It does feel as if people have simply lost the ability to be nice. Sigh…

  107. Lisa says

    This is a thoughtful post and I agree with the sentiment in general. My take on it, though, is that I don’t really see the example posts as rude or mean. In the example(s) provided, the blog post specifically *asks* for feedback, and then the comments give just that, honestly. So, are we to assume that the only type of feedback desired is that of agreement? A true conversation allows for others to express their own opinions, with neither party assuming a disagreement of aesthetic equates to a personal attack. (That said, I do think you’re right that we need to learn to disagree *better*, as a global community.)

    We all have slightly different experiences and aesthetics (thankfully!), and that means that we will all see some things we like and some we don’t. I feel it’s perfectly valid to leave a reply that expresses disagreement with a particular arrangement. Blogs are personal, yes, but not once they’re published with open comments. If one chooses to request feedback and then leave comments open (and unmoderated), then it should be understood that ALL feedback is valid and acceptable unless it is *personally* attacking in some way. If you don’t want feedback, don’t publish it to the World-Wide Web. If you want feedback, but only the positive, affirming type, then only share it with close friends and family who share your values/aesthetics. But expecting that the entire world will agree or otherwise not say anything is somewhat ego-centric, in my opinion.

    “I don’t like your style” or “I wouldn’t do it that way” is not a personal attack – even if it’s expressed as “EWWWWWW”. An assumption that an expression of an opposite viewpoint is a personal attack is an indication of a too-thin skin (and the same is true for *all* facets of life, not just decorating). It’s exactly that sort of assumption – that the mere existence of anything Other is a direct challenge to Our Own Way of life – that is the cause for all war and injustice in the world. And that’s where I disagree with this post, respectfully. :) I feel that comments of disagreement are equally as valid, and not at all rude. In fact, I think the variety of viewpoints makes life more interesting. :) I welcome your disagreement.

    • says

      Lisa, I agree with you! (I know that wasn’t what you asked for.) I was scrolling down to say something similar, but you said it better.

      I’ve only been reading blogs for a couple of years, and I’ve struggled with where I might fit into a community that seems to want only validation — and no other input.

      In the home/design blogging community, people are sharing their very personal choices in their private spaces, and putting the work of their hands on display. Of course they feel it personally when someone criticizes them. But if we shut down all criticism/dissent, then we have a bland community. Somewhere between “boring” and “rude” there has to be a space for meaningful conversation. Speaking personally, I don’t comment often, anywhere, because there’s no point in being the 40th person to say “How pretty!” — or even the 4th person. But I make a conscious effort to engage in discussion by answering questions or giving feedback if the blogger asks for it. I don’t give unsolicited feedback or opinions. I get the impression that an honest opinion is not welcome most places unless it’s a positive one. In many ways that mirrors real life, too.

      Of course I would prefer not to speak than to hurt someone’s feelings. But that leaves me not knowing whether I am part of the community Kristi wants inside the bubble, the “us”, or one of “those people” she wishes could shut off.

  108. Marie W says

    Kristi,

    I can tell you honestly that I don’t like your bathroom cabinet color – for myself – but I think it looks wonderful with the other colors you have going on and I absolutely adore your condo! I have shown it to many people and think you are doing a fantastic job!!! The point of your blog isn’t for me to match exactly what you do, it’s just to get ideas… so if I decide to paint my cabinet using the same techniques as you, I’ll pick my own color. People really can be rediculous making mean comments for no reason other than to make themselves feel better. Try not to let it bother you too much – it’s so not worth it!

  109. Gigi says

    It would never occur to me to leave a comment, nor do I usually read comments. I read your blog (and others’) for inspiration, unique ideas, creativity, and just plain curious to see others’ homes. I don’t know why I’m shocked about the rude comments, I guess because it would never occur to me to write something rude. Not everyone has the same taste, and while I may not want someone’s particular style in MY home, it doesn’t mean there’s no value in it. Thank you for your inspiring posts about your kitchen, your laundry area, your bathroom….I love to read your posts because you take a tiny space and make it look so inviting and awesome. Shake off the rude comments, those folks have no manners and try not to take any of it to heart. There are a world of readers like me, who seldom or never comment but admire your work nonetheless. Thanks for all you do!

  110. says

    How terrible…it’s so sad. I especially think women can be so mean sometimes to each other and that is a shame. You have the right attitude…face it, get it off your back and go on! What else can you do? If there was a way to get rid of mean people then that problem wouldn’t even exist. I participated in a “what do you like about my blog” thing a year or so ago and the rude FIRST comment I got almost made me stop blogging…seriously….I was delicate then being new and all! Thank goodness for Debbie Manno who (unknowingly) was inspired to feature my home soon after and when I told her why I was nervous (the person called me conceited and said all I ever did was show off) she told me that was ridiculous and that I needed to not worry and plow ahead! Am I ever glad I did!
    You’re a great blogger and it goes without saying that KariAnne is too…crazy people….

  111. says

    I see it every day! I work in a school. A parent was in recently because his son was suspended for punching a teacher in the stomach. The father called the principal a fat ass bitch! Are you kidding me??? I have told you my husband is a TV meteorologist. He predicts weather. It is not an exact science, but he is extremely dedicated. You would not BELIEVE that nasty comments and remarks he gets if people think he is wrong about the weather! They will walk right up to his face and tell him he was wrong. They will walk up to me and tell me to tell him he was wrong! Since when is it ok for these people to have the nerve to be saying these things to him??? One of these days I am gonna snap and tell one of them off. Kuddos to you for writing this, You are my new best friend, you just don’t it yet! lol

  112. lor says

    Good on you. I cannot comprehend the depth of insensitivity, ignorance, and thoughtlessness which is in evidence on so many websites every single day. How can people choose to treat each other in such a manner? What does that say about our society in general? Sad & disappointing. Who ARE these people?!?

  113. says

    This just makes me sad. I worry deeply for our society. What happened to “if you can’t say something nice…” Really??!! People are cowards- they would never have the guts to say any of this to someone’s face. They find their courage through the security of their computer screen. It’s so sad & pathetic that so many people feel so insecure about themselves that they have to try to make others feel bad so they can feel like a better person. Honestly- I almost feel bad for them that their lives are such that they have to find happiness in making others feel bad. This leaves a pit in my stomach thinking of where we are headed if we can’t just be kind & supportive of one another. Really- if they don’t like the things posted on these sites they are commenting on- why spend the time visiting. They need to find something that makes them happy- clearly viewing these beautiful homes is only making them jealous & bitter.

  114. Sheri says

    Well said! Even if a project doesn’t have the “look” I might choose, I very much appreciate the inspiration and DIY tips. I’ve learned sooo much from your blog as well as others-

    You keep on keepin’ on, girl! Thankyouthankyouthankyou

  115. Laura says

    You’re so right! If you can’t say something nice or give constructive criticism, then please keep it to yourself. I see pictures from time to time and think to myself “What in the world…?!” but I would never be rude enough to actually go out of my way to comment something like that! I just don’t understand people :(

  116. Pam Rodriguez says

    Amen Sista! I could not agree with you more, I dont know what happened to the Golden Rule, seems to have been forgotten!

  117. says

    Thanks for *venting* so articulately, Kristi. The darkness inside of some people spills out onto their keyboards. Thanks for shining your Lights so brilliantly.

  118. Treay C says

    Just discovered your site and I know I’m going to love visiting some more. Unbelievable!! I just don’t get it; what is the point of people leaving such horrid, mean spirited comments? I mean, really? I’m flabbergasted. I looked at that gorgeous, spotless kitchen and drooled
    and that parlour had obviously had so much care and thought lavished
    on it. Don’t for one minute think that those mean spirited folk are the
    norm. There are 10% devils, 10% angels and 80% good, decent folk
    in this world. Something a Psychiatrist once told me and I agree.
    I hope you are feeling much better now, with that off your chest!
    Treay.

  119. Karen says

    hi Kristi,
    I need to come back to this topic today. When I read it on the day you published it, I could totally relate and understand, but thought I don’t need to add my absolutely sympathetic comment to all the others, as you clearly have other things to do apart from reading your blog :)
    But today when I just read two really hateful and hurting comments concerning a book I’ve published (and which is all my pride), I just realized how it feels to be unfairly critizised without having the opportunity to respond and defend yourself! It makes you feel so helpless! I can even better understand now why you delete stupid comments on your blog – why should we feel bad about them over and over again?
    I really like your blog and your fantasy and can only again say: please do go on publishing, I love reading your stuff!
    xxx
    Karen

  120. says

    Just catching up on my blog reading…I know where you are coming from. Many times I think to myself, “Why did they say anything at all if they were only going to be negative?” I do feel that the majority of Craft, DIY, etc…followers are generally ‘nice’ people. I have one ‘Matilda’ on my facebook page that likes many of my posts, but EVERY comment she has ever left, is negative. I appreciate the efforts of people and if I don’t like it or agree, I let it be. I don’t feel the need to tell them so and only wish to encourage and lift up. These negative people generally have other ‘issues’ in their life and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Just smile and wave girls, smile and wave! :)

  121. says

    I came upon this post while looking through all the awesome things you’ve done. I really appreciate the series you have on tips and advice for bloggers!

    But in regards to this post, I had to share my story. My daughter came home from school upset one day because one of her classmates (5th grader!) told her that blogger are “depressed” people, with nothing to do. There was more, but that’s the gist of it. Obviously he had to have heard it from a parent or grown-up. My daughter was truly upset and felt like she had to defend me. So grownups/parents out there are teaching their children to be mean. I just couldn’t believe it. It’s a scary thought!

  122. says

    I am so glad you wrote about this matter. Boy, getting shared on the Hometalk Facebook page is a rude awakening. But then I look at the people’s profiles and photos, and I see all the mullets, big hair, and woodland tchotchkes, and I understand.

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