That Space Between Gratitude And Longing
Matt and I hosted my family for Thanksgiving again this year. It was wonderful, and we had such a good day. For the second year in a row, we opted to have a Thanksgiving brunch instead of the standard turkey and dressing dinner. Quite honestly, we all much prefer breakfast and brunch foods to turkey and dressing, so it works out perfectly. This tater tot casserole has become a favorite for us, and this year I made these canned cinnamon rolls with a twist that were absolutely amazing! But enough about food. This isn’t a food blog. 🙂
I’ve come to absolutely LOVE hosting people in our home. I’ve never been one who is naturally gifted in the area of hospitality. In fact, when we first started hosting our Wednesday night church group, I found myself in those first couple of weeks feeling a bit uptight and anxious as people actually sat on my new velvet sofa. 😀 Add several plates of food in our living room to that equation, and I was initially feeling like I had made a mistake in opening up our home to be used for those gatherings.
But it didn’t take long for me to get over that. I very quickly (after about two weeks) realized that the joy of our home actually being used and enjoyed by others far outweighed any potential negatives like food being dropped on the sofa. Sofas can be cleaned, but even if I had to live with a food stained sofa, relationships with other people are so much more important than things. And I love that our home is being used to build those relationships and create fun memories.
I really try to maintain that mindset of gratitude for what we have, and thankfulness that Matt and I can use it for purposes beyond just the two of us. I really hope to do more of that in many more ways in the future. While hospitality isn’t my natural gifting, I’ve come to really enjoy learning how to be more hospitable, and how to be a good hostess. I’ve got a long way to go, I’m sure. But I love that it gets me out of my comfort zone and stretches me in areas where I need to be challenged and grow.
But speaking of challenging me… 😀 . I have to admit that I’ve grown a bit tired of having to do this…
Since Matt and I don’t have a dining room at the moment, I pushed all of the furniture back in the living room and put a folding table (with a tablecloth) and chairs in the middle of the room so we could eat. Once we were finished eating, we moved the table to the side by the windows and used it to put out our finger foods that we snacked on for the rest of the day. (And then it got piled with boxes from deliveries on Friday.) Then I brought in the two recliners from the sitting room…
…and then I brought the TV from our home gym into the living room and set it up on the mantel.
So my pretty little living room that generally looks all put together like this…
…turns into this when we host Thanksgiving.
And while it looks quite a bit different when we host our Wednesday evening group (since we don’t need a TV for that), we do have to move furniture around to make room. The sofa gets pushed back against the credenza, just like you see in the photos above. Matt’s recliner gets brought in. The two purple chairs get pushed back. The side table with the lamp by the sofa gets moved out of the room. And then extra chairs (stacking chairs) are brought in.
All of that to say that I try to maintain my attitude of thankfulness for what we have. I want to be content with where we are right now, because at any moment, something could happen to completely derail our plans for adding on to our house. And if that were to happen, I don’t want to be devastated. I don’t want to put so much hope into things that I would let my joy of hosting and being with people be stolen because I have to go on indefinitely being a little bit inconvenienced each time we host people in our home.
At the same time, I find myself longing for that addition that would allow us to have a permanent dining room, a much larger living room, way more room for more people, and a much larger bedroom (with very safe and convenient egress in case of emergency) for us.
It’s challenging living in this in between space — the space between gratitude for what we have and longing for more and better. And sometimes I feel guilty when I find myself longing for more and better when we’ve been so blessed and have been given so much as is.
So where are we on the addition? Waiting. We’re still waiting. When I met with the architect a couple of months ago, I knew I’d have to get at the end of the line just like everyone else, and it could be a bit of a wait. I think he’s finally working on our plans, so it could still be a couple of weeks before they’re finished. So…we wait.
And then after that? We’ll probably have to get at the end of more lines and do a whole lot more waiting. And that brings me right back to gratitude and contentment…and patience. I’m trying! I really am. 😀 But some days are more difficult than others in that area. In the meantime, I’ll continue to find joy in hosting people in our home, sharing our home with others, seeing people sit on our sofa with plates filled with food, and pushing furniture around as needed to make room for people.
Addicted 2 Decorating is where I share my DIY and decorating journey as I remodel and decorate the 1948 fixer upper that my husband, Matt, and I bought in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do physical work, so I do the majority of the work on the house by myself. You can learn more about me here.
You did a great job of hosting. We thoroughly enjoyed our Thanksgiving day in your beautiful home. I love you, and I’m so proud of you, Kristi!
Mom
Mom, you raised an awesome girl! Kate S, mom of 8
This is why I love your blog:
“Sofas can be cleaned, but even if I had to live with a food stained sofa, relationships with other people are so much more important than things.”
I also learn a few things, though I’m no DIYer like you 😜
And I made that exact meal for friends a couple of weeks ago! Slightly different version on the tater tot casserole (my recipe uses breakfast sausage) and those cinnamon rolls are to die for (and they likely will kill me 😂😂😂)
blessings on you and your dear family in the Advent and Christmas seasons.
You have given me food for thought. As a younger person, my house was meticulous and I was ready for company. Now that I am a senior I have other priorities and feel self-conscious if my house looks lived in when I have guests so I avoid hosting. Furniture does get old but that has never bothered me in someone else’s house. I am always so grateful for an invitation. I have to let my perfection go.
Well, fortunately, you have a lot of other projects to keep you busy in the meantime.
You are doing wonderfully just in caring for and being present for Matt, in getting your home all designed and remodeled and beautified so that it works for you and Matt, and now taking on hostess and hosting duties! It is a lot and you should be very proud of everything you have accomplished so far. The rest will come in good time. Blessings to you!
Agree with everything said above. Wondering if when you get your studio finished it would be easier to set that up as a dining area when guests come? Maybe with folding chairs as well as the folding table?
Could you use the music room as a temporary dining room?
As someone who does do a lot of hospitality … i can assure you this is NORMAL.
Even when you do have your beautiful new addition and dining room … there will STILL be times when you’re moving furniture, setting up trestle tables & adjusting your life to make room for people … and different set ups.
As a friend of mine says – everyone wants community but no one wants to do the work it entails. It is a lot of work.
Well done you for doing it!
Agree! The art of hosting is really just the art of opening your home and letting go of Instagram-perfect expectations. We all need more connection and community. Thanks for sharing.
So true, Claire. While having lots of room is wonderful, you will want to make it cozy enough for your everyday life. So you’re still setting up tables and chairs to accommodate the big crowd. Knowing that Kristi will have regular small group nights, I’m sure it will be a priority to make that work easily. Other random large events will likely mean making larger adjustments.
Someone once explained that hospitality and entertaining are very different things. I strive to offer hospitality and set the other stuff aside.
I enjoyed reading your very open and honest post about “learning” to be a more relaxed hostess and your thankfulness for friends and loved ones. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
You are coping with the holidays and company like my parents did back in the late ’50’s-’60’s! Seemed like the whole house was turned upside down and inside out! But we managed with everyone helping out. I will warn you that your addition may go as far as summer before completion! We have built all three of our houses – two were done by independent builders, and one by a big builder in a big subdivision. They all took an average of five months, but our last was one we needed an architect for, and he took a total of almost 4 months between having originals to doing remakes twice to satisfy the HOA. So don’t be surprised if you hear several changes in the time frames between the drawings and the builder. Good luck!
When I see a blog post from you, that’s where my attention goes as quickly as I can! Love reading about your plans, your projects, your painting, all of it! And it is all so much richer when you share your emotions, your thinking, and your growing. This is a thought provoking post. I need to take a tip from you and be more open, more seeking of relationships. Thanks for this.
You have a gift.
Could the music room be used as a temporary dining room? If the settee and end tables could be stored or used somewhere else, you could leave a table and chairs set up in that room.
The music room needs to stay clear to work as a pass through for Matt’s wheelchair. Kristi has said this multiple times.
When your desire for bigger/better is for more than just an “I want”, it takes the “me” out and replaces it with “how can I better serve”. Your heart is definitely in the right place.