This Is The Type Of Man I Married
I’ve shared with y’all many times before about how hands off Matt is with our house. And I’m not just talking about the fact that he has MS and can’t physically help me with any projects. I’m also talking about the fact that he almost never has any input about the house. Ever since we built our first house in Albany, Oregon, twenty-one years ago, his attitude has been that the house is mine to do with as I wish. And the longer we were married, and the more I proved myself (e.g., I wasn’t going to haphazardly take out a load bearing wall and destroy the house or anything like that), the more hands off he has become.
But even though I know that about him, I still didn’t realize the extent to which he would let me do whatever I want to do until a couple of days ago. I was talking to him about all the different possibilities for our house that I’ve discussed here on the blog. One of those possibilities was to turn the current pantry into a workout area, or turn it into an area for him to use however he wants (but it would have to accommodate his Theracycle).
So I was showing him the floor plan and showing him how the doorway to that room will no longer be through the breakfast room/sitting room, but instead, it will eventually be through the kitchen. It’s the empty room shown below.
So I was showing this to him and explaining that he could do whatever he wanted to do with that area. His Theracycle could go in there, and we could put a TV in there for him. And he looked at me and said, “Yeah, but I won’t be able to get into that room.”
I was so confused. I mean, the room isn’t huge. After the kitchen is built, it’ll be 7′ x 11′. It’s a small area, but there’s plenty of room for his Theracycle and whatever else he would want in there. So I tried to explain that. I also explained that we can make the doorway 36 inches wide, which he can get through very easily.
He said, “Yeah, but it’ll be through the kitchen, so I won’t be able to get to it.”
I was even more confused. How were we miscommunicating? Were we looking at the same floor plan? What was he seeing on that floor plan that I wasn’t? I kept looking at it and studying it and trying to figure out what he was seeing that would hinder him from entering that room. I couldn’t see any obstructions. Why was he not understanding what I was trying to explain? And why in the world did he think he wouldn’t be able to access this room?
So I asked him to help me understand why he wouldn’t be able to access this room, and he responded, “Because of the slab foundation. The new kitchen will be a slab foundation, right? That means that there’s going to be a step down into the kitchen, so I won’t be able to get in there.”
Oh. My. Goodness. This whole time that we’ve been talking about and planning our new kitchen, Matt has thought that having a slab foundation (which is what two different contractors have suggested) means that it will have to be ground level, which means that it will be lower than the rest of the pier and beam house. I couldn’t believe it! I explained to him that under no circumstances would our new kitchen be inaccessible to him. Even if it’s a slab, it will be high enough so that the floor will be continuous from the current house into the new kitchen.
I said, “Are you telling me that in all of this time that we’ve been talking about a new kitchen addition, you thought that I was going to build a kitchen that you wouldn’t be able to access? That’s what you thought, and you weren’t going to say anything to me about that?!”
He just looked at me, grinned, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Nope.”
My goodness, that dear, sweet man would literally let me do anything I want to this house. Getting opinions out of him is like pulling teeth. And even when he thinks I’m going to do something that would be a huge inconvenience to him, he’s still okay with it. I mean, I knew that he has always wanted me to be able to do what I want to do with our house, and as long as I’m happy with it, he’s happy with it. I just never realized until that moment to what extent he was willing to let me do whatever I want.
I feel very thankful to be married to someone who lets me do pretty much anything I want in our house, and decorate however I want (and redecorate, and redecorate, and redecorate as many times as I want). Over the years, I’ve heard from many women in the comment sections of my posts whose husbands are very involved in the decision making regarding the house and the decor, and I’ve heard from other women whose husbands won’t let them change a single thing in the house.
So I recognize just how lucky I am to have a spouse who lets me do whatever I want to do, and I try not to take advantage of that. But rest assured that I always try to take into consideration how my decisions will affect Matt. The last thing I’d want to do is make life more inconvenient for him that it already is. And no, there will not be a step down into our new kitchen. 😀
Addicted 2 Decorating is where I share my DIY and decorating journey as I remodel and decorate the 1948 fixer upper that my husband, Matt, and I bought in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do physical work, so I do the majority of the work on the house by myself. You can learn more about me here.
YOU ARE BLESSED!!!!
Yes she definitely is!
What a sweetheart Matt is! I hope he knows what a blessing of a husband to you he is, as you are a blessing to him! I admire you both for dealing with a very difficult situation with such grace. Your relationship, to the degree it can be observed by your followers, seems pretty wonderful. I pray for you both, that the Lord will keep you strong and safe!
I’M 82 and my dear husband of 63 years has been the same way. He has been through my different stages of decorating and remodel wants. When we got married it was Danish modern, we went through “Country”, Southwestern, Beach, and now it’s rather Traditional. We both are lucky women.
“Nope.”
Oh, my gosh, Matt. You are a dear, sweet man. 🙂
What a treasure he is. Cheers to you both.
My husband was the same. He was onboard with discussing it and he often had insights of a practical nature. We listened to each other. Once the plan was in motion he was always involved. He was a tidy worker about everything and an enthusiastic participant. We learned as we went along.
I have been a widow for over 18 years and I miss him everyday. We had 46 years of marriage and raised two sons. We said, “I love you” every day and it was not a “love you, bye” signoff. Cherished memories for me.
Oh my goodness. As good as he is letting you go with your ideas, we are all aware that you also take his needs and comfort into every decision as well. I kept looking at the floorplan trying to see why he said that…😂 I’m glad he now knows that is NOT an issue and that you would never do that if it was. So cute. Now have fun deciding what to do going forward. You still have choices and decisions…I hate them at times. We are going through all that right now as well…and, my husband and I don’t always see it the same, and more than once I said…do what you want then…stop asking me! UGH.
Kristi, you and Matt have something very beautiful in your marriage. You love each other with a very sacrificial kind of love that is God breathed. May the Lord continue to bless you both! ☺️
PLEASE DONT SAY HE LETS YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT! YOU TWO ARE A COUPLE MEANING YOU SHARE THINGS. NEITHER OF YOU WORKS FOR THE OTHER. YOU MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER. THE TWO OF YOU HAVE AGREED THAT YOU ARE THE DECORATOR AND HE LIKES WHAT YOU DO. AND YOU DO A WONDERFUL JOB OF IT.
Whoa! The all-caps!😬
I’ve noticed that some people type in caps because they can’t see the smaller print so well. (mostly older adults)
Why would the contractors recommend a slab for the new kitchen? Is it just that they are more familiar with that type of foundation? You’ve been very clear that you prefer the pier and beam so I’m wondering why you are potentially ok with your new kitchen being on a slab (and making it much more difficult to rearrange if you ever want to).
I was just wondering the same thing! Why would contractors recommend a slab foundation? Cost, perhaps? But that savings will be eaten up (and then some) if any plumbing lines ever need to be moved or a leak develops in the future and the slab has to be jackhammered up. I’d get some estimates on digging out a crawlspace extension and doing pier-and-beam foundation, just to be able to put real numbers to the project for comparison purposes.
I can’t believe a contractor wouldn’t have actually recommended the pier and beam foundation.
So a thing I’ve had to be reminded from my husband is, he really doesn’t have an opinion until asked. When he’s asked, to weigh in on something, that is when he gets invested. For example if I’m not settled on a certain idea I ask an opinion (but there’s my momentum in a certain solution). I’ve got to be ready to follow the opinion shared. It’s very frustrating to be asked, answer, then seemingly ignored because the original person didn’t explain the thoughts fully or already decided.
Love this post!
Have to say, these are my favorite posts. You both are blessed.
I’m like Matt my wife can do anything she wants with our house except paint it pink
Haha! Matt’s one rule for me in our 22 years of marriage has been “no pink walls.” 😃
Kristi,
You are blessed. Matt is an angel because he thinks of your happiness before his. I know how good you feel about having such a wonderful man to share your life with. Both you and Matt are for each other….all the way.
Now back years ago my husband chose not to participate in most of our home updates or decorating because he would think it was too expensive. I would go on ahead with my update choice…and bless his heart he would get on the phone and ask family and friends to come see what we both decided to do. I feel blessed to have him.
Sweet man!
Kristi you have a very unselfish husband and I know you feel very blessed.
My husband is very much like yours, including the MS, but milder. I, too, and am enormously grateful, as I’ve seen other husbands like the ones you’ve described. We are two lucky gals.
So sweet!
Bless his heart.
What we have here is a failure to communicate! Quote from old movie w/Paul Newman!’ Glad he/you finally broke through!🙏🥰😂
I can’t believe he didn’t say a word! I have one of those husbands that has to be in control of everything – to the point that I have stopped doing almost everything, because he had something to say about how I did things! After almost 50 years, I always say that it’s his house, and I just live here! I gave up fighting him a long time ago. Most of the time, I just don’t care, or I let him find out he made a mistake. We actually just ordered new living room furniture, and he allowed me to choose everything! Maybe he’s finally starting to get tired of making all the decisions!
❤️❤️❤️
Years ago I ordered bedroom furniture. It was high end. My husband never saw it before I ordered it, he was fine with whatever I selected. Well, when it arrived the canopy bed would not fit up the stairs and it was not returnable. It went into the living room. The armoire wouldn’t make the turn into our bedroom so it went straight ahead into another bedroom. The next morning I woke up with a massive migraine. My husband had a plan to remove part of the wall along the stairway so the bed could go up. He did this and then put the wall back up. The armoire was too tall and wide to fit through the door so he removed the top mouldings to the studs and the armoire fit through with 1/4 in. to spare! Then replaced the mouldings. He stated that the furniture would remain in that room whenever we moved. Well, 16 years later we had a house built with a two story foyer that the furniture would easily go up! My husband removed the door casing and stairway wall to bring the furniture down then replace them. After having that furniture 41 years, I still love it. Sign me, Thankful!
This broke my internet!
At least he is paying attention. Have a good week.
My husband too! I have brilliant ideas that I clearly picture in my head. I describe them to my husband, and he gives me the go ahead. I dive in, and as I’m wrapping up the project, he come through, sees it and says “Ooooohhh! That’s SO much better than I was picturing! I thought you were crazy, but it’s your house!” 😆 I’m honored that he trusts me.