I’m not a hoarder. I don’t generally form any kind of emotional attachment to things. In fact, I could probably count on one hand the number of possessions I have that actually have any kind of emotional/sentimental meaning to me. Everything else could be loaded up on a truck and taken away, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.
So no, I’m not a hoarder. What I am is an incredibly messy and disorganized person (although you know I’ve been trying to become more organized.) I can generally handle my messes during a project because I know it’s just a temporary state. My messes do start to get to me when I near the end of a project and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By that time, I’m anxious to dive into the cleaning, organizing and putting away so that I can enjoy my newly-finished project or room.
But sometimes the messes get so out of control that they seem way too big to manage. And when they get like that, I don’t feel excited to dive into the cleaning and organizing. I just want to shut the door on the mess and bury my head in the sand.
And that’s the point where I am with the studio.
The studio has definitely been messy in the past, but it’s NEVER been like this. This is the result of ten weeks of working on the pantry.
Ten weeks of building cabinets. Ten weeks of installing trim.
Ten weeks of making custom resin tiles and installing them.
Ten weeks of building and creating and sanding and painting.
Ten weeks of pulling out just about every tool I own and using it, and not putting it away because “I might need that again later today, so I’ll just put it right here for now.”
Ten weeks of trying to keep construction debris bagged up, but failing to actually remove it from the room, so the bags just get piled up.
Ten weeks is all it took to turn this big empty room into this unbearable mess.
And now I just feel stuck. Unmotivated. Overwhelmed. Stressed.
So as much as I’d love to just close the door and forget about the mess, I can’t and won’t let myself do that. The pantry has been done for weeks. Now my bathroom is finished. It’s time to focus on this studio and get it done.
And I know that as I start to clear out, clean up, and organize, this heavy weight and the feeling of discouragement that I feel will start to turn around quickly. But that first step is so hard.
It’s all about that first step. And that’s where the accountability comes in. I need y’all…again.
Right now, I’m giving you my word that I won’t procrastinate on this anymore. I will begin today. I will see progress today. And I am giving myself until the end of the weekend to have this room completely cleared out and ready for work to begin.
Right now, the thought of getting started makes me want to cry. But I’d be willing to bet that even by the end of the day today, I’ll be feeling much more positive, motivated, and even excited. I’m counting on it.