Good morning, friends! I don’t have a great DIY project for you today, or a roundup of inspiring ideas. I don’t even have anything witty or entertaining to share. Today, I just have my thoughts to offer you.
I’m 38 years old. (Did you know that about me?) Yep, 38. And yet I still find myself wondering what I want to do with my life when I grow up. I feel restless…conflicted…and confused. Is this normal? Don’t most people have things figured out at my age? What the heck is wrong with me?!
Perhaps it’s because there are so many things I want to do, and yet I find roadblocks everywhere I look. Am I creating those roadblocks in my own mind? Am I making excuses?
I’ve got this great blog that’s like my baby. I love it, I nurture it, and I get so excited when I see it grow. I have such dreams and goals for my blog…so many great ideas and projects I’d love to share. And yet, I find myself working much longer hours now than I ever have in my life, and yet making less money now than I did right out of college. Do I just not know how to do this whole blogging thing correctly? How do other bloggers with blogs similar in size to mine seemingly have these full, rich lives filled with family, free time, vacations, etc., while seemingly making plenty of cash to afford a few luxuries here and there?! Clearly I’m doing something wrong here.
I felt like I was really starting to click with my blogging schedule. I was really enjoying it, loving working on projects, and really loving featuring other bloggers’ projects on Thursday and Friday of each week. Clicking along and loving it, that is…
…until I got an email.
That’s all it took to completely take the wind out of my sails.
What is it with us bloggers? Why is it that we can get loads and loads of positive, encouraging comments, but then it just takes one negative comment to completely ruin our entire day? Why is it that I can have an inbox filled with emails from happy readers who are thrilled with my blog, love my projects, and just wanted to write to say “thank you”, and yet all it takes to completely derail me is one email from a reader telling me that she used to love my blog, but now, not so much.
Seriously, what is that about? I know I’m not the only blogger who gets totally bent out of shape by the negative even though it’s only one drop in the sea positive, encouraging feedback. But why? It’s frustrating, and I hate that about myself, and I don’t want to be like that…but I am.
This reader said that she used to love my blog, and she comes to my blog to see my projects, but she no longer enjoys it because I feature too many projects from other bloggers. She wants to see more original projects from me.
Seriously. I wanted to cry. And I probably did. My first thought was that I’ve already reduced the number of hours I sleep every night from eight to about six-and-a-half, and I’ve given up almost all of my free time (not just to work on stuff for my blog, but also in our pursuit of health, and going from the convenience of eating fast food for every single meal, to now preparing three meals a day at home for us–and I’m not talking about sandwiches and chips here–plus having to care for a wheelchair-bound husband with MS). So perhaps if I give up sleeping, eating, and that one hour per day of down time that I allow myself to watch a show, I can have time to do finish more projects for my blog. Maybe.
And welcome to the pity party that I’ve been throwing for myself for the last few days.
I know. It’s not pretty.
The irony? I received that email last week on the very day that I posted the most popular DIY project that I’ve ever posted on my blog. And I’ve been in a funk ever since, and have completely lost all motivation to work on more projects.
I’m not really sure where to go from here with these ramblings.
Just wanted you to know where I am right now. Some days I want to quit. I want to sell my blog. I want to crawl into a hole and be left alone.
But I won’t. Tomorrow is a new day.