Let’s Talk About Perfectionism (And How It Has Affected Me And My House Projects)
Why am I talking about perfectionism today? Because perfectionism is something that I’ve dealt with for as long as I can remember, but it’s recently come to my attention (via a snarky commenter on a recent post who thought she was setting me straight) that non-perfectionists may not truly now what perfectionism is, or how it affects people who deal with perfectionism.
In this person’s snarky comments (where she also insinuated that I have terrible work ethic, that I should finish my own projects before expecting a handyman to finish them for me (lol…what?), and that I should be able to install a shutter on a stone house in just a few minutes with a nail 😂), she said, “Rolling my eyes hard at the “I’m a perfectionist” mantra when you’re leaving things unfinished for so long…”
While I could laugh at the other nonsense, that part of her comment honestly confused the heck out of me. That made as much sense as saying to a person who suffers from agoraphobia, “Rolling my eyes hard at the “I’m an agoraphobic” mantra when you haven’t even left your house for year.” Ummm…yeah. The fear of leaving one’s house is a tell-tale sign of agoraphobia. And what are the tell-tale signs of perfectionism? The fear of starting a new project, procrastination, having unfinished projects, and taking way longer than necessary (i.e., much longer than non-perfectionists) to finish a project.
I guess people like my snarky commenter believe that a perfectionist is someone whose house is literally perfect — all the projects are done, everything is clean, nothing is ever out of place. Perfectionists live in perfect surroundings, right?
Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth! And you don’t even have to take my word for it. There are literally thousands of articles on sites like Psychology Today and Good Therapy that explain what perfectionism is, and how it affects people. It’s almost never good. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a single article that describes a perfectionist as a person who has it all together, whose projects are all finished, whose house is perfect, whose work product is perfect, etc. That’s just simply not what perfectionism is.
I’ve struggled with perfectionism for as long as I can remember. Do I like things to be perfect? Absolutely! Do I expect the things I do and what others do for me to be perfect? YES!! And therein lies the problem. There’s no such thing as perfection. No matter how hard we try, none of us will do things perfectly. And that desire for perfection along with the knowledge (and fear and dread) that things will never be perfect is where the tension lies for perfectionists like myself.
There are two main ways that my perfectionism has affected me throughout my life, and I can assure you that both of them are frustrating even to me, and hard to live with at times.
Struggling to get started on projects:
I can very easily get stuck in the planning phase of a project. I come up with a plan, scrap that plan, start over on the plan, tweak the plan, find new ideas to incorporate into the plan, start over on the plan again, and on, and on, and on the cycle goes. Why? Because of fear that I might start the project with an imperfect plan in hand, and then end up with a terrible result.
So I get stuck in the planning phase, and that phase can last weeks, or months, or even years, depending on the project. What it looks like to the rest of the world is simple, straightforward procrastination or laziness. And while it may look like that, what the world doesn’t see is the turmoil going on inside the minds of us perfectionists. We want to start on the project. We want to get it done. But the fear of not getting it just right prevents us from jumping in with both feet and just getting started.
Struggling to finish projects:
Struggling to finish projects is the result of fear or dread that the perfect vision that I see in my head won’t be the reality when I’m actually finished with the project. And that reality is almost unbearable.
I notice this about myself with almost every project I do. I’ve always called it my “90% rule”. I’ve noticed that my consistent behavior is that when I get to the 90% complete mark on just about any project, I want to walk away and start on something new.
It’s not because I don’t have the attention span to complete it, and it’s not a lack of discipline. It’s a result of perfectionism. I always have this perfect vision in my mind of what a project will look like when it’s finished, and the idea that the actual finished project may not live up to that image in my mind causes me so much stress and dread that I just want to walk away.
Here’s an example from just this week. I was working on the studio floor, trying to finish up the second half of the painted checkerboard floor.
Just like I did on the first half of the room, I drew my line down the center of the room (perpendicular to the front wall of cabinets and the back French doors), and then working from the previously finished half of the room and the center perpendicular line, I traced the squares on the side of the room next to the breakfast room.
But then I absolutely could not make myself start on the other side. Why? Because of an overwhelming sense of dread that the areas against the wall on the other side wouldn’t come out perfectly even with the ones on this side…
I sat there on the floor and planned and pondered and wondered how I could get them perfectly the same. I knew I couldn’t, and that led to an absolute sense of dread. As a result of that feeling, my natural response was to avoid it altogether. I didn’t want to finish tracing the squares. I wanted to walk away, avoid it completely, and start on another project.
I wanted to walk away and just be perfectly happy with the perfect vision I had in my head of what the floor should look like in a perfect world. So what did I do? I sat on the floor, phone on hand, and listened to an audio book while scrolling Instagram for about 30 minutes. Maybe longer. I really don’t know because I kind of lost track of time. I just wanted to avoid the situation and get lost in a perfect world I could create in my mind. In other words, I procrastinated.
After a period of time, I finally made myself get up and finish tracing those squares, with a pit in my stomach the whole time because I knew there was no way to get it perfect. And afterwards, was it perfect? No! Of course not! Perfection is not something that’s ever attainable, and that bothers me tremendously. But that’s the reality of living in the real world as opposed to living with the perfect images in my mind.
So that’s perfectionism. It can be brutal sometimes. It’s not a peaceful way to go through life.
The good news for me is that blogging for the last 16 years has been one of the most therapeutic ways for me to deal with my own perfectionism, and to find healthier ways to deal with it (like allowing myself to redo projects as many times as needed in order for me to be happy with the outcome). And I do think I’ve gotten better, and found more peace in my mind, as a result of blogging.
The fact is that if I weren’t a blogger who shared my projects very publicly, there’s probably no way I could have turned these rooms…
…into these finished rooms…
If I were just trying to do this on my own and privately, every single project in every single room of my house would be left 90% complete because that’s where my mind just naturally checks out and moves on to something new. That way, I would never be forced to live with the discrepancies between the reality of my finished (and imperfect) projects and the perfect visions I had in my head. If everything were left at 90% complete, I could have the fun of working with my hands and doing fun things, while at the same time, avoiding a whole lot of dread and disappointment when my projects don’t turn out perfect (which they never do, because again, perfection isn’t actually attainable).
So while my perfectionism did cause me to take longer on the floor than was necessary, and check out for a bit while I avoided the uncomfortable reality of the imperfection of the floor design, do you know what made me not walk away completely from that floor project this week?
You. You did. All of the people who read my blog, who want to see progress on my projects, and who expect (eventually) to see a finished product. That accountability that this blog and all of you bring to my life has helped me tremendously in my own struggle with perfectionism. I still live with it, and some of my projects do take longer as a result of it. But at least I do eventually get them done (or most of them, at least), and I have a house filled with beautiful (to me) rooms that I can be proud of. I wouldn’t have that without the accountability that blogging has brought to my life.
Addicted 2 Decorating is where I share my DIY and decorating journey as I remodel and decorate the 1948 fixer upper that my husband, Matt, and I bought in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do physical work, so I do the majority of the work on the house by myself. You can learn more about me here.
Oh, Kristi, you brought tears to my eyes. You just described my entire life and you did it beautifully. We are kindred spirits on the perfectionism front and unfortunately, I don’t have followers to keep me moving forward. It’s truly a joy and inspiration to watch you push past the perfectionism and complete these projects. Looking back at all those amazing photos and what you have accomplished is amazing! Thanks for taking us along on your journey — even the tough parts.
I’m so sorry people are so disgusting. That’s why if I did do a blog (I never will) I would turn the comments off because who really wants to read what some cretin wrote. I know you like the kind and helpful comments (a few which I have posted!) but those one or two sad, pathetic, unkind know-it-alls don’t seem worth the effort. Keep on doing it your way, and know that, fortunately, there are a lot more sweet souls than a**holes.
I struggle with perfectionism as well and can relate to the analysis paralysis and self judgment. I just finished a huge house remodel and there are several things that I was not happy with. I was hung up on wanting my house to be perfect for just a few min and then it could slowly decline to a more “Normal” state. That just won’t happen due to time, $200K over budget, not working and having two teens and 4 cats that undo whatever I do. The colors you use are beautiful and to me show a bit of a risk taker mentality. I live the land of neutrals as I worry I would get sick of a bright color sooner so be proud of yourself for that and the amazing work you do!
Yay, for you! You do what suits you best. I love seeing your projects come together. Keep up the good work!
Some people who leave snarky or even ugly comments need to get a life , as they must have too much time on their hands. Good grief
For sure! Also those kinds of comments say more about the writer than about you.
Parasocial relationships are always sort of odd, but the abusive ones are downright bizarre.
Oh Kristi, I understand perfectly. I live with a perfectionist, and I watch him struggle to do projects. Right now he is working on our deck. It was going to be a weekend project — three years ago! The only reason he is pushing to finish it now is because we have to sell this house to move to one we just bought. I have lived with 90% projects for 40 years. If it’s not finished, there’s still a chance of getting it perfect, right? If I ask about something, I’m a nag, even if it’s been months since he’s touched it. I’ve learned to just go in and do the projects I can do on my own, without asking his permission. I will say, that my husband’s perfectionism has made me a better person. Where I’d be happy with a less than perfect finished project, I now try harder to get them closer to perfect, just to please him! He’s always happy with my work when it’s complete. He doesn’t see my flaws, because they aren’t his.
I know you don’t have the option of someone jumping in, hence the need for a handyman. Then you also have someone to blame if it isn’t perfect! I’m glad the blog pushes you to complete things, because you do fantastic work. Even if it isn’t always perfect in your eyes, it looks perfect to everyone else!
Honey, that snarky commenter was ignorant. And you (with this post) clarified the issue for them in a very charitable manner, as a natural-born leader and teacher would. You’re awesome and obviously answer to a Higher Authority! I am sorry you received the snark and am grateful that grace and graciousness are alive and well in this world, thanks to you.
I too am a perfectionist and have not made the strides you have toward excellence. But I never never never give up. God isn’t through with me yet, and the perfection of our souls lies in His hands.
Blessings, Kristi!
*towards
LOL
Beautifully said…
Oh, my goodness, you just described me!! I’ve never before read about perfectionism put as well as you have done here. Thank you! Take as long as you want or can to finish your projects for I love every part of it all!! I started following you way back in the early condo days. I like you as a person and your work that much!! What non-perfectionists (I like to call them “it’ll do people” don’t realize is that those of us who are perfectionists live in a world of nothing is ever right. We are visuals. Everywhere we go, we see all details. We don’t search out details on purpose, it’s involuntary. Of those details, many, and sometimes all, would be done differently if we had been consulted. Some may think that way sometimes, but we do all of the time. Anyway, from one perfectionist to another, carry on, you’re doing great!!
Yep, team perfectionist. I’m getting better because it certainly helps to know and understand why I do what I do. Or more accurately, why I DON’T do! Actually completing something helps me to understand that the picture in my head will never match what I see in real life and after living with it for a while I wonder why I obsessed over it so long. I’m not a blogger but I am a hospitality person so my motivation to get things done is to have people over. I’m sorry that someone thoughtlessly chose to make those remarks. I try to choose grace since I know some thoughtless words have come out of my mouth also.
I identify with every word you have put down defining perfectionism. Spoken so true and so well. I agree with every word you have put down on this.
Oh my Kristi! I don’t understand people who feel the need to comment in such an awful fashion! If she doesn’t like or appreciate what you do then scroll on!! I have to say that I fall into the category of ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. If you ask for an opinion, I will gladly give it in a kind way. Please know that so many of us are in total awe of you and all the you do and don’t let these awful trolls dishearten you!
You hit the mark with this post! I, too, am a perfectionist and totally it. Perfectionists deal with a lot of angst.
I’m not only a perfectionist, but I have ADHD as well. It’s a serious struggle. I can fully relate and as a homeschool mom it’s really easy to tell myself I don’t have time, when it’s really that it becomes overwhelming and it’s an excuse to avoid finishing. The accountability piece is huge!
Your post really resonated with me. I come from a long line of perfectionists (we call it the Gemma Gene) on one hand it stems from a desire to have pride in your work but it also means nothing is ever exactly (my personal) perfection . I went to college for fashion design at a time when Project Runway was at its peak. Tim Gunn’s “Make it work” is a personal mantra because most of my class and work projects have a time deadline and when I cant make it perfect I have to make it work. At home, my projects tend to linger, recently in the last few years we’ve been fortunate to start hiring out for some jobs and in a way it has soothed my perfectionism because i take myself out of “the messy middle” and just focus on the before-after transformation, but i also notice all the errors or missteps. When i do the project myself there’s a constant push-pull of just get the job done, vs i should really redo that and i always feel like everything is 90% there or if i just shop one more store i’ll find the exact right piece. All that to say is I see you and i can relate.
Thank you for this remarkable explanation. I am going to share it with my daughter who also struggles with getting beyong the 90% mark and gets grief from all of her friends who just want her to finish so she can move on and “be happy”. I think this will help her to understand and accept herself a bit more.
Wow…I never thought of it in this way, and I feel for you that things can be so difficult. I didn’t really recognize this…I thought sometimes you just get burned out on such a big project, you need a break. Or, you change your mind because you find a way you like better. Little things that are off bother me, but I guess I roll with it a lot better than you, because I probably have to…I can’t do things as well as you. But your struggle is something I don’t think I realized. Seems the writer of that was clueless as well, but in a different way. I gave you grace for being human…she gave you criticism. I’m glad this blog helps you…it is all OUR pleasure to follow! 😍
You might want to see this 33 second video of DUDE DAD. He knows all about leaving projects at 90%! 🙂
https://youtu.be/PUF2FuP3Ml8
That’s so funny! What’s even funnier is that I’m sitting here by Matt and I played that video. I didn’t tell him any context, and he has no idea what I blogged about today. But after the video, he laughed and said, “This is SO you!” 😀
I meant to write to you these days about this topic, it’s such a coincidence! I was working on a little cupboard my father made for my mum for her spices – probably way back before I was born – and I took it home when I had to clear out their flat after my mum passed earlier this year. I have contemplated your work the last few days when sanding and preparing the cupboard for a new look: First of all, because I’m immensely grateful to you that I know what to do to it in the first place (I used my dad’s sander for the first time, as well as a hot air thingy to get rid of some of the paint). But secondly, I pondered your way of doing things and projects in comparison to how I work and how my father worked. He was definitely no perfectionist, whereas I am. So this cupboard redo feels like a labour of love and some sort of grief service (but in a good way!!) to my parents. But again, I am so very very grateful to you for having the info at my fingertips how to improve on his work so that it gets closer to meeting my sense of beauty and will later on be a welcome addition to my house, not only a remnant of theirs!
Thank you very much for sharing your work with all ups and downs, the fantastic projects and results – and today, for sharing your thoughts on perfectionism which hit home with me quite badly and will make me ponder this for a while. Your blog and stories and info is a gift to all of your readers – definitely to me!
You are giving this troll way too much time & space in your head. Be you, do things your way. There will always be people who want to tear others down. Block her and move on with those of us who love you and what you’ve accomplished. none of us need that kind of negativity is our lives.
YOU are amazing! You don’t let anything stop you. You are inspiring and real. That is why I am here! Along with your humor and beautiful projects. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise lady!
As a Christian, who has a strong perfectionist streak, I understand what you are experiencing. I am now 73 and have learned over the years to give myself grace when projects or situations don’t develop as I wish they would. We give grace to others easily but often find it difficult to give ourselves grace. When we are frozen in the middle of something- it is often beneficial to ask God to help us see things through His nonjudgmental eyes. We judge ourselves in situations or projects must harder than anyone else would.
May I assume that the snarky commenter has been banished to Siberia?! 😄
So here’s the weird thing. Somehow I am the opposite of perfectionist. I start projects too quickly, make decisions too fast (OFTEN regret them) and look at a finished project and figure it is “good enough” (often it is not). Thankfully the better half is better at realistically looking at planning, executing and evaluating projects. We are all different… a good thing 😊
Ok get to work! Your blog is the only blog I have ever read, so keep up the good work.
Kristie,
Thank you for this post on perfection! I like you have this issue. When I start a sewing project, it takes me longer to make the first cut than it does to finish the project. The same when I start a project with wood. I love to refinish “older antique” furniture.
I am like you about my home. If it doesn’t feel right I have to change it!
You are and inspiration to me, and I thank you.
You described me to a tee. It’s a daily struggle.
It has been an honor and a pleasure to follow you all these years and see your projects through their various iterations! I’ve also learned a TON from you (I only have pleated curtains in my house because of your tutorial).
We love you Kristy.
I just realized that my SIL is a perfectionist. It dawned on me as I read your post. He’s a great guy and joy to have in the family (LOL, and he married a girl who had seven brothers!!)- but I never could figure out why he gets every project to 90%. Thank you ma’am!
Best essay on perfectionism ever. Thank you!!
Hi Kristi,
I have long enjoyed your blog and marvel at how you persist through projects until you achieve wonderful results. Your perfectionism is part of who you are and what you achieve.
I also have the perfectionist “gene” and was helped by a story from the rug makers from Morocco who weave an imperfection into each carpet, thereby acknowledging that only Allah ( God) is perfect.
Remembering this story has helped me accept the work of my own human hands.
Continue your awesome projects!
Just do what makes YOU happy. Your home is bright and colorful and simply gorgeous.
Never worry about what others have to say. Just take care of yourself and Matt. 🙂
Amen, sister. Your agoraphobia analogy was (pardon this word) perfect. I snort-laughed at the snarky “projects unfinished” line. (Not out loud, but my mind’s reaction was totally a snort-laugh.) Thank you for such a great explanation and a reminder of the power of accountability.
Much love from the East Coast!
PS. I’m supposed to be doing something else right now. I MIGHT be procrastinating…
Kristi, you are just too awesome for words. Be you, nobody else can be you, and keep plodding along, we will all get to the same place someday.
After 27 years of being an Army wife, and 16 moves, I dreamed, we dreamed of what our retirement would look like. Clipped out magazine pictures, imagined all that we would do and accomplish and then it happened, we bought our farm, 110 acres, an older farmhouse, and barns to restore. My, our vision, is not always what happens with budgets, labor, and abilities. So, after 12 years of this project, and still feel like we have at least that much more to go…I find “Lead” therapy a good thing. We live in the mountains, far away from civilization and I can take a box of ammo and go shoot at a target until I feel that what we’ve accomplished is close enough. Sometimes good, is good enough…but I know what you struggle with. The cool thing about the 16 moves was that each time I had a different house to decorate, and my husband always joked that he only gave me $12 for a budget and I worked miracles, but the fact of the matter was that you make things work for you at the time you are living through them. I, we are tripping over my 90% blockages right now, but that is getting fixed slowly as one of our barns was lost in a recent windstorm and we are having another one built in its place…but the storage of those items is a topic currently for colorful conversations. Ever forward. Keep doing you.
The problem with people in general these days is that they think it’s ok to judge other people based on how they live their life. I’m a firm believer in you do you and I’ll do me. We must stop with all the judgy behaviors!
Ahh.. To be perfect in an imperfect world..My plight in life . I envision one thing and sometimes the reality is almost a cruel joke. I’ve learn to be content with snippets of perfect, even if it’s just for that moment in time. Kristi, be happy that you have documented your home’s journey. Let those before & after shots put a smile on your face!
You described perfectionism so well! I also struggle with it. It is difficult for me to dive in and start a project for fear of it not turning out perfect. I have been working on 3 Euro pillows for a guest room for 4 months! I have been sewing for over 60 years. I majored in clothing and textile design at Michigan State University. I am beating myself up because these pillows should be fairly easy and not take too much time. A lovely silk fabric with a lip cord trim and wide ruffle. I have ripped out stitches and redone them numerous times. The not quite perfect places are on the back side of the pillow which will go in a bedroom that is rarely used. I’m sure 99.9% of people who looked at the pillows would never notice.
I love your work!!! Wish I had the time and resources to DIY!!
I’m a perfectionist, too, at heart, but I’ve gotten much better at really finishing things without beating myself up if it’s not “perfect.” My personal rule is that I have to finish a project to the best of my ability, and if I do so, then I’m generally pleased. I’ve come to understand that it’ll never be perfect, so I strive for something that’s 90% good. If I hit the 90% good quality mark (this is purely subjective in my head, of course), then I’m satisfied. I’ve finished loads of projects now (most of them successful), and even one that is literally failing and will need to be fixed by a professional. I’m not sorry I tried it, though, as I learned a lot on it, even if it didn’t end up fully working. I still see the flaws in my work and begrudge them, but I’ve learned to let go overall. I’m doing more than the average person, and for that, I should be pleased with my own abilities.
All I can say, is that I’m always in awe of what you accomplish. I too, put off starting projects, as I feel that I need to be in a certain frame of mind, as well as my plan of action well set. I always enjoy seeing your progress on projects, but certainly understand when things get put on hold for a bit.
I love your work and I’m glad you want everything perfect ….. shows you VALUE your work and that makes us appreciate all you do! Your work is beautiful.
Don’t listen to snarky people….they aren’t happy with themselves. That’s why they make those comments
I love all your projects and am in total awe of what you accomplish; how you’ve turned your extremely ugly duckling into an incredibly gorgeous swan. I love how you do you and don’t care what others think. It’s bold and brave to not jump on the latest trend or cookie cutter style. Your house has so much personality without being over the top or brash. You jump in fearlessly and if things don’t turn out as you envision them, you don’t give up, but rethink and continue on. I think most artists are perfectionists. But you persevere. I think negative, hostile people harbor a jealousy because they don’t possess the creativity of others so they tear them down instead.
I read every post and love how you include such detail on the progression of your many projects. I appreciate all the time you take to share your projects with us all.
Oh my goodness! You described me perfectly! 😁 it’s so hard to let go and just get it done. I love your blog…been with you since your Condo days. Don’t let nasty comments get under your skin. Just “do YOU” cuz most of us love ya! Blessings to you and Matt! 💜
My husband struggles with perfectionism, though it has improved time, mostly because I’m there to light a fire under his butt if he gets stuck in the planning phase for too long. Lol. Seriously, though, there is some truth to that. On the other hand, he has taught me that the planning phase truly is important, and sometimes it’s not a good thing to jump into things head first without some advance planning and research and considering different options.
Kristi, you articulated perfectly 😉 how we perfectionists operate! I’m 64 and still trying to conquer my affliction. The struggle, indecision, second guessing, procrastination and sheer dread every time I start a project. I’m going to adopt your 90% rule, because I do that too. Every time I finish a project, I’m amazed at how well it came out and how easy it was. I’m trying to convince myself to just do it for future projects, that it isn’t necessary to put myself through the agony. It’s too bad someone felt she needed to criticize you for something she didn’t understand. On the other hand, good for her that she doesn’t have this issue. Keep up the good work 👏
You’re making me cry with your honesty. Thank you for being an open book for us, your readers. I never think of myself as a perfectionist, but now I see why I have trouble finishing projects I start. I learn from you with every post. Pity that cranky creature who did not understand any of this, and had the arrogance to offer ignorant “advice.” Keep going!
I’m a perfectionist, but have never had the 90% finish a project problem, I can hardly wait to see it finished. I love to try new things and probably take longer than most to complete it and often feel like I’d like to try again to see if I could do better. I do struggle with working with others because other non perfectionist aren’t into to details which makes me want to do everything myself so I know it will be done well.
My daughter teaches preschool and had a little girl who would work so hard and get so upset when her project didn’t look exactly like the sample. My daughter thought Oh, you poor thing, you’re a perfectionist. It’s definitely a tough trait to live with and probably not easy for the people that live with us.
Crying reading this — for you, for me, for others who struggle with this. It is a huge struggle and you have explained this so very well. Somehow you are managing perfectionism very well and accomplishing a lot. It is inspiring and it is encouraging. Please keep on keeping on and telling us about it, so we can keep on keeping on too.
Don’t let the snarky person get in your head. You don’t have to explain anything to her or the rest of us. Frankly, after what I saw you do with your new master bathroom, there’s no doubt in my mind you can do anything you set your mind to. You build CABINETS!!!!!!!! My goodness, lady, you are a craftswoman! Don’t let people take away your peace and joy in your work or your life. Keep on trucking to your end goals. You can do it!!!!
I hope you know that in addition to the accountability and our eager
anticipation of your completed project reveals, there is also genuine
affection and caring. It’s that weird internet thing. When someone is
courageous and generously open with their readers, we feel like they are our friend even though we’ve never met. So yes we do celebrate with you when a project or a room gets done, but we are also happy when you go out with your handsome husband or take time off to watch movies and “do nothing.” The accountability is helpful, but I hope you know how much we care about you too.
You’ve gotten more done in the life of your blog than anyone who’s reading. I don’t think anyone could ever accuse you of being lazy, or whatever the implication is. I wish I could do half of what you do! But I am sure glad I can read about it and learn, be inspired and proud to know a woman who can do a lot more in home renovation than most men I know can.
Geesh, if someone is so pained to read your process, it’s not like you’re holding a gun to their head.
People!
Good morning Kristi,
I am 70 yo and live in Sydney. I have struggled with all the above issues all my life. Nothing is ever good enough. I blamed my children, my husband but most of all I loath myself for being all talk and no action. I admit that I have a multitude of projects that I have all the stuff I need to complete them but as I try to do one it is never as easy as it looks on Youtube at all. I said to my very good friends that once I had a craft room I would get organised they helped me get that room. Then after I cleaned and got rid of stuff I didn’t need my eldest son became very ill and had to move back home. So the craft room is a bedroom again. Then paid $600 to have an access attic ladder installed for use of extra space I can’t get the stuff up the ladder to store in the ceiling.
Don’t beat yourself over this woman, she should not put you down as look at your achievements over 10 years it is definitely has the WOW factor
Kristi, Your humanity and honesty are what keeps me here. There are many DIYers to follow but somehow when I read you blog, I see myself, afraid to start, unsure, then trying to be courageous and go for it. You are very talented and that 9-square comparison is all you have look at, to see that your work is amazing and so creative. Keep on doing you, sharing the joys, challenges and perseverance we have all come to know and love. And as far as completing projects? I am a writer and REVISION is the name of the game. I can start out with a great story and then time and thoughtful critique lead me in another direction. And in the end, my creation is better than I could have imagined. This is the journey. Thank you for taking us on yours. 🙂
I am not a perfectionist, but have been married to one for almost 50 years. Long ago, I read this: Perfectionism leads to procrastination which leads to paralysis. This helped me live with and appreciate the struggle of achieving the unattainable. Somehow through building a house, and many many DIY projects, we make it work.
Kudos to you for the brilliant explanation.
What I have learned is that if it takes a certain amount of time to get to 95% perfection, it takes an extra 50% or even twice the time to get to 99% perfection, and the 100% does not exist. And nobody but me can tell the difference anyway. Helps! lol
Glad we are helping keep you going! (Maybe I should be starting a blog too, but I also lack focus, so I wouldn’t keep up with it!)
I absolutely love following your projects ! I share your pain in striving for perfection. You are far braver than I am.
I love, love, love all of your endeavors! I wish that I had half of your vision and talent and yes we all need the help of handyman or an experienced tradesperson at times. I enjoy seeing the before and after pictures of the beautiful home you are creating!
Chin up and keep sailing on your many projects!
I really relate to your communication today about perfectionism. I, too, am a perfectionist and it isn’t an easy cross to bear. I, too, have a problem completing projects but hadn’t really recognized why until you explained it.
BTW I already felt a kinship with you as my father had MS long before there was any drugs. It was just a steady decline. My 5’2” mother was the one who was the primary caregiver from first canes to eventual wheelchair. I bring this up as I now am now the primary caregiver to my husband with 8 years of Parkinson’s which is advancing steadily. As a perfectionist and a control freak, it is tough. No amount of planning can change this bleak future. My time for projects is no longer my own as perhaps only you understand. I look forward to reading about your latest projects and I truly admire your can do attitude. You’re fearless in my book.
This explains so much! I have wondered sometimes how it seems you’re right on the cusp of finishing a room and you take three steps back to redo a perfectly good thing! You taught your readers how to make a perfectly good ‘thing’’ only to rip it out and make another perfectly perfectly good ’thing’! Now I understand better.
I have followed you for years you perfectly imperfect perfectionist! You inspire me to strive for perfection which balances out my “it’s good enough” nature!
Your blog is the only one that I read every time you post. I have been following you since your condo days and am in awe of what you are capable of doing. Just seeing the before and after photos shows what a beautiful and inviting home you have created.
As a fellow perfectionist I found your explanation invaluable and now see that I inherited this trait from my late father. It can be difficult at times to get started or be happy with the end result but like others have said doing our best is what matters most. Congratulations on an amazingly helpful blog… and certainly don’t be too concerned with what someone who obviously got out of the wrong side of the bed has to say about your work. I for one LOVE it!!
This must be so hard to live with. My Fella’s brother is a little this way in that he’s neat to the extreme. And afraid of just about everything. I’m glad you’re making progress with your, um, condition(?) and it’s nice of you to acknowledge our small part in your progress.
The thing is, it’s hard for people in general to really know what it’s like in someone else’s skin. And wether a physical or psychological condition one can’t understand it until one has lived it. I’m always cognizant of your need for symmetry, and perfectionism that I hesitate to reply and when I do I measure my words. I hope I haven’t drifted into judgement at any time.
Thank you for explaining exactly what you go through to get your projects complete. It honestly didn’t occur to me the struggle that perfectionists experience. I love what you’re doing in your home.
I get it. I really do. But I can say that as I’ve aged (I’m 75) I deal with it a little better. I don’t even try to do things anymore because I know they won’t be perfect. I’m never satisfied so I give up before I start. Good luck. You work ethic is amazing, your creativity is inspiring, and your skill level is phenomenal!
I too am a perfectionist. I enjoy reading your blog because of your perfectionism. I loved the movie “Mary Poppins.” When she measured herself, she read the tape measure which read “Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.” No one realizes it is so difficult to deal with. Writing papers in graduate school was the worst.
You have done an absolute phenomenal job. I could never achieve the level or dedication that you have given to your amazing home. Please do not let the people who don’t even know which end to hold on to a hammer get to you.
You are truly an amazing person with vision that not everyone can ever truly comprehend.
Keep up the fantastic work.
Thank you for sharing your personal struggles! I have OCD tendencies and struggle in a much different way than you. Your blog has not only introduced new ways of doing projects, inspiring me to think outside of my personal boxes, but also helped me deal with some of my issues. Seeing the beauty you create, while leaving a mess in your wake, helps me realize that keeping everything neat and tidy isn’t always the answer. Watching/reading your blog, someone who is like the flipside of my own issues, helps me be more accepting of myself and push myself to focus more on what I am trying to accomplish than what I have to do to get there! Thank you for being so open and honest about what you do and why you do it!
Hi Kristi,
I completely identify with your struggle for perfectionism. Thank you for putting it in perspective for me and others. I thought it was just me who struggled with this need for perfection, while in the meantime things are anything but perfect. I think by being vulnerable and putting yourself out there on this topic you’ve helped a lot of people. XOXO
Kristi, I am also afflicted with perfectionism and it drives me crazy. I plan and plan and research a project, hoping to predict all obstacles before I meet them. You are correct – it never works! haha But it’s ok, mostly the stuff I do is fine and looks good, just like yours. I’m in awe with what you have achieved on your own.
I would like to share with you an experience I had many years ago while touring the Kemper Art Museum in Kansas City. There was a beautiful exhibit of Navajo Indian artifacts, which included many rugs. We were told that the weavers purposefully wove errors into their symmetrical patterns because they believed that only God was truly perfect. We then began to really search for the errors, and in some rugs, could not find them. The tour guide saw us doing this and suggested we instead look at the rug itself and not the error, for in its entirety we would see the intended beauty. I think of this often when I embark on a project, if only to pre-forgive myself for mistakes I am about to make. 🙂
Kristi, I call that sort of thing very ‘judgey’. There’s no call for such nastiness. I’m sorry you had to experience that. You are much more gracious than they are and probably happier too. Keep on doing what you do.
Kristi: this book just came to my awareness: “The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide to Liberating Everyday Genius,” by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, Psy.D. Not that you need a guide for liberation because your genius is out a clearly visible, but because it explained to me that ADHD/OCD – perfectionism, etc., – are symptoms of genius, not flaws to be hidden.
Blessings!
Mic drop 🩷
I am primary carer for my disabled husband. These days that’s about all I manage to accomplish in any day and I am incredibly fortunate I have sufficient pension to not have to do paid work on top of my caring role. Kristi, the amount of diy work you achieve in an average week is awesome, without even factoring in the time and energy needed to fulfil your carer role. Give yourself credit for this full time role in addition to your diy and renovation work! And give yourself time to rest and refresh and revise your plans to suit you, not some random judgmental person on the internet.
Kristi, you have just described the story of my life. Many years ago I gave myself a title of “Frustrated Perfectionist”. It gives me permission to be who I am but no excuses to myself or anyone for my (crazy to others) issues while I think, rethink, & overthink all my projects. Yes! Frustrating but who we are.
I once took a yoga class, and the instructor said “Empty your mind” and all I could do was mentally critique the molding and finishes of the studio ceiling. I could not turn it off. Uneven, too many gaps, wrong angle….I think there are a lot more of us out there than we know. We all do the best we can.
This is such a nice post, Kristi! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, and for the record, your house looks perfect to me!
I used to struggle with perfectionism. One day I heard someone say, “done is better than perfect”. Hearing that phrase resonated so deeply within me, that it changed something fundamental in my mind and my behavior. Before hearing that phrase I thought perfect was best. How could there be anything better? Done is BETTER than perfect? What a freeing idea.
I began to believe it, and it has been my mantra since. I know everyone is different, and there are different degrees of perfectionism. It is definitely a burden -a blessing and a curse, and maybe a little more on the curse side… But, it can also play a part in the creation of truly beautiful things, like the rooms in your home Kristi -they are exceptional. Struggling with perfectionism has likely contributed to the quality of your work. Not having the accountability of a blog, allowed my perfectionism to leave an ugly trail of many unfinished projects. I decided I just don’t want anymore unfinished projects and that I did actually prefer done to perfect.
I just now finished refreshing my back porch. I didn’t get the planters I preferred, but I got some that I like, and it’s done! For me, that’s better than perfect. This simple idea has taken a lot of time settle within me, and I’m glad I have worked on accepting imperfection.
Do I still struggle with perfectionism? Sure. I’m struggling for the perfect wording in this comment right now. I have reviewed it 2-3 times and made changes. But I now force myself to think about how I want to complete things, and how I regret when I don’t finish things like writing a letter to friend and mailing it. Everyone walks their own path. What has worked for me may not work for you. I just wanted to share a little bit of my journey just in case the idea of, done being better than perfect, is new to someone.
For me, finishing and posting this very imperfect comment on a blog is better than sweating over it, revising it many times, saving it to work on later… or the worst, not posting at all. I hope this idea helps someone like it helped me.
I love this. And I’m very glad you finished your comment and posted it!
I love this post. Your before and after pictures of what you’ve accomplished are jaw-dropping amazing! I learned some time ago about a habit of long ago quilters who would intentionally turn a piece of fabric over somewhere on the quilt top as a sign that no one and nothing is perfect except God. When I’m doing something that I can see isn’t going to be just perfect, I remind myself of that, give glory to God and finish up.
Snarky people make me glad I don’t have a blog any more. I think there isn’t much that is more frustrating than being an imperfect perfectionist. Shifting my thinking a little to strive for excellence rather than perfection has helped me with this.
Oh my. This made me tear up, Kristi. I so admire all you have accomplished and was feeling great sympathy for you in regard to what your harsh and ignorant critic was saying. But when you got to “ you. you did”, that’s when I lost it. You go, girl. Thanks for the education on perfectionism, too. We love you. You know that.
Ever since you did your blog update, I started getting your posts in my email again. Just thought I would mention it. I am sorry people are so rude and you got a comment that pinched a nerve. Just know there are many followers here, and you do amazing work.
I am a recovering perfectionist… then a few years back, one of my favorite writers {S.A.R.K.} started writing about her same struggle. She came up with a theory of “perfect imperfection” ~ what a brilliant idea!!!
You keep doing what you do ~ don’t listen to those who would put you down.
Hugs ~ bobbie