This post has nothing to do with decorating or DIY, and it’s only peripherally related to my blog. Just wanted you to know that up front, especially for those of you who click over from a reader like Bloglovin’ or an email subscription, so that you won’t feel tricked if you decide to click over today and find no DIY in this post. 🙂
Have you ever wondered why you never see pictures of me on my blog? Pretty much the only picture is that small one in the right sidebar, and the one on my “About” page. Those are, in fact, the same picture. Other than that, I avoid getting in front of the camera as much as I can. I even hate taking pictures of my hands and wrists. The reason?
I know it often makes people uncomfortable when someone says something like that about themselves. But it’s true, and there’s no way to sugar coat that. (Mmmmm…sugar!)
The fact is that I absolutely hate the way I look. Over the last 15 years (or more), I’ve let my weight so totally balloon out of control (“balloon” is a very fitting word here) that I avoid mirrors, cameras, and basically any and all reflective surfaces, just so that I don’t have to look at myself, because catching a glimpse of that reflection is incredibly depressing. And if I can’t stand to look at myself in pictures, there’s no way in heck I’m going to post them on my blog.
I even hate taking pictures of my hands, because I have fat hands, and fat wrists, and fat arms. I just hate putting any of that “out there” for the world to see. So instead, I stay hidden behind the camera as much as possible.
My weight has held me back for so long now, especially with this blog. I’d love to be one of those bloggers who can actually be a part of the projects they do in pictures, but as long as I’m fat, that will never happen. One thing I’ve wanted to do for so long now is make videos of projects, DIY tutorials, power tool help, and just other random and fun things, but as long as I’m fat, that will never happen.
I have so many dreams for my blog that will just never come to fruition as long as I’m fat. And I hate that. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to become imprisoned and held back by my own hatred of my appearance. And I hate that I’ve allowed my weight to spiral out of control like I have.
So I decided to do something about it. The last time I was really serious about doing something about my weight was in 2012. Matt and I had a great year, and I lost 50 pounds that year. Since then, I gained back 23.5 pounds and have fallen back into some of our old habits, though not all of them, thank goodness! Having a kitchen out of commission for so long didn’t help, but I certainly could have made better food choices during that time.
Anyway, I’m back on, and I’m serious this time. I’m very determined. And I don’t plan to stop this time until I reach my goal.
What is that goal? Well, I’d like to lose 100 pounds.
(See? I told you I was fat!!!)
I started last Tuesday, and as of this morning, I was down 11.5 pounds. I’m off to a good start, and seeing that weight loss encourages me to continue.
As this is a DIY and decorating blog, and not a lifestyle blog or healthy living blog, this will be the only time I’ll write about this here on the main blog. But for any of you who may be interested in following my journey, I’ll be documenting my journey on a separate section of the blog. I’ll also add a button on the sidebar so that it’s easy to find. I won’t be posting links to those posts on my Facebook page, or sending out new posts via email or RSS, or anything like that. Because again, I’m a DIY blogger. Period. And I have no intention of changing that. But I also know that so many others struggle with the same issue, and I wanted to document my journey for those who might find encouragement in it. I also wanted to document it for myself, so that I can look back and find encouragement as well, if and when I hit a bump in the road.
For those of you not interested in following along, hopefully you’ll still see the results in the way of increased photos of me included in my projects, and possibly even some videos. I really want to do videos. But I need to take care of this first.