A Very Personal Post — On Weight Loss, Determination, Motivation, Finding What Works For Me, And Making Peace With My Pants Nemesis
Today I want to talk about the most vulnerable topic for me — weight and weight loss. If you’ve followed me for years, you know that my weight issues have been an ongoing struggle for me. It’s been a sensitive area for me for the last two decades. My real struggle with weight began shortly after Matt and I got married 24 years ago, and I’m not quite sure what happened, but I completely lost control of my weight.
I think there were several factors involved. First, four months after Matt and I got married, my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. Since my parents lived in Waco, Texas, and Matt and I lived in Oregon, the last time I saw my dad was at our wedding. His death sent me into a complete tailspin, and when I’m stressed or sad, I turn to food. Just a year-and-a-half after that, Matt was diagnosed with M.S. We had only been married for two years, still getting used to married life, when we received this news. That led to another tailspin.
A couple of years later, Matt and I decided to move to Waco from Oregon. We had gotten married in Oregon and started our married life in Oregon, but I was born in Waco, had lived here most of my life, and I wanted to be closer to my mom after the death of my dad. We lived in a rental home in a Waco suburb for the first year, and then we bought our condo right by the campus of Baylor University. And along with a college campus comes the convenience of just about every fast food restaurant imaginable. We were there for seven years, surrounded by cheap (at the time), convenient food and drinks (namely, Dr. Pepper), and we took full advantage of it. And as you can imagine, my weight ballooned out of control.
I don’t even have many pictures of me at my heaviest because I would avoid the camera at all costs. And if someone did happen to take a picture of me, I wouldn’t look at it. I took every measure to avoid the reality. I can’t even bring myself to tell you how much I weighed at my heaviest. It’s a number that seems unfathomable to me now. It’s a number that I can’t even bring myself to say to my mom or my closest friends. I struggle to say it even to Matt, although he knows. He lived it with me. It’s a number that should never be associated with a woman who’s only five feet tall. So for now, it’s a number that resides only in my head. Maybe when I reach the end of this journey, I’ll be able to bring myself to say/write the number.
But let me just say that when I was at my heaviest, and I would calculate the total number of pounds I needed to lose in order to reach my goal weight, that number was over 100 pounds. It was over 110 pounds. It was higher than that by quite a bit. And if you’ve never experienced that yourself, I can’t even explain to you how insurmountable it feels to see that number well over 100 pounds.
Over the years, I’ve tried many diets — HCG, keto, carnivore. Each one of those has had a measure of success. I lost weight with each one, but then I’d lose focus and the weight would start creeping up again. The good news is that I haven’t been one of those stories that we all hear about people who go on a diet, lose weight, and then go off the diet and gain all of the weight back plus some. That hasn’t been my story. But my story hasn’t been one of overall success, either.
Instead of gaining all of the weight back plus some, I’ve managed to keep some of the weight off with each attempt over the years. But with all three of my major attempts over the last eight or so years, I would say that I gained about half of the weight back each time.
Anyway, all of that to say that on July 12th, something changed. I can’t really pinpoint exactly what changed in my mind, but something snapped in me and I found my determination. I think part of it was seeing how hard Matt is trying now. He’s going to the gym three times a week, and while it’s incredibly challenging for him, he persists. I think it’s also the realization that I need to do this not only for myself, but also for Matt. I can’t be the best caretaker for him if I’m not taking care of myself.
So on July 12th, I found my determination to make huge changes starting the next day. And since Monday, July 13th, I have lost 23.5 pounds. I am now at the lowest weight I’ve been in probably two decades. I’m feeling so determined and so motivated right now. I’m not using any kind of pills, injections (no GLP-1 for me, although I have no judgment for those who want and need to use those things), no calorie counting, no carb counting, no restricting myself to just eating animal protein…nothing like that.
I’ll tell you how I’ve done it in a minute (and no, I’m not selling anything), although I don’t think that’s the real story here. The real story is that something in my mind changed, and mindset is the biggest battle when it comes to this struggle. At least, that’s been true for me. My biggest battle has been inside my mind.
And the best and most exciting thing is that when I now look at the number of pounds that I have to lose to reach my goal weight, it’s not over 100 anymore. It’s well under 100. That number is now 66. That number feels so doable, so manageable. And considering that I lost the first 23.5 pounds in 45 days, 66 pounds now seems more like a motivating challenge than an insurmountable mountain.
Two night ago, I was in my closet trying on random pieces of clothing to see how things were fitting me now that I’m at my lowest weight in two decades. I was having fun trying on pants and seeing how they’re not tight in the waist anymore, and trying on shirts and seeing how they’re fitting so much looser in the shoulders and arms these days.
And then I saw the pants. My pants nemesis. I’ve had this particular pair of pants for ten years now, and I’ve never once worn them. This is a pair of pants that I bought a Walmart ten years ago, and I just bought them based on the size, but I didn’t try them on. (FYI, I was delusional if I thought this was my size ten years ago.) When I brought them home and attempted to try them on, I couldn’t even get them on over my hips. But for some reason, I held onto them rather than returning them.
With each of my three major weight loss attempts over the last eight years or so, when I reached that bottom weight I attained with each attempt, I tried the pants on again. I could get them on, but they were super tight everywhere. They were so tight in the waist that I couldn’t breathe. They were so tight in the stomach that I didn’t think I could even sit down in them. They were so tight in the thighs that they showed way too much. They were even tight in the knees and calves.
But I still held onto them for some reason. So two nights ago when I was trhing on clothes, I saw those pants. My nemesis for the last 10 years. I pulled them out and decided to try them on, but before I did, I readied myself to be disappointed…again. I pulled them on, and THEY FIT!!!! They actually fit me! After ten years of warring with these pants, they finally fit me.
I was so excited that I almost cried. I wore them all day yesterday — to lunch with my mom, to my church group last night. And I felt so proud of myself. Yes, I’m still overweight. Yes, I still have 66 pounds to lose to reach my goal. But this was a major hurdle, and a major win.
And I’m just feeling good. And motivated. And determined. Here’s me last night at 10:00 before I went to bed.
Compare that to me in January 2023. My face just looked puffy and swollen. And it was! Eating poorly causes inflammation, and it showed a lot in my face.
And here’s me in July 2019. More inflammation and about 40 pounds heavier.
I’m so encouraged by the difference I see in myself.
I just had to get over the hurdle, and the biggest one for me was in my mind. And I had to find inspiration, and for me, the biggest one is making sure that I’m in my best shape for Matt. And I had to find my determination, and there’s nothing that steels my determination more than seeing that number of pounds to reach my goal be at the lowest number in two decades.
Only 66 pounds to go. I can do this.
UPDATE: I just realized that I forgot to mention how I lost 23.5 pounds in 45 days. I almost hate to even go here because the “how” really isn’t the thing I want to focus on. But I know that when it comes to the topic of weight loss, “How?” is always the first question people have.
Let me just say that I don’t think there’s any real magical answer. Everyone is different, and everyone has to find what works for them. So when I tell you how I did it (and how I will continue doing it), I’m not suggesting this for others. I’m not saying, “This is THE answer, so if you need to lose weight, this is how you should do it.” I’ve simply found the answer for me. You have to find the answer for you. Your answer might be exactly what I’m doing, or it could be keto, or it could be a carnivore diet, or it could be a vegan diet, or it could be calorie-counting, or it could be GLP-1’s, or it could be something else.
The main point is that we’re all different. But the main hurdle for most of us is in our mind. We have to get the mindset right. We have to find the motivation. We have to find that determination. And obviously, that’s not just in weight loss. That pertains to any goal that seems insurmountable right now.
Anyway, because I know people want to know the answer to “How?”, the answer for me has been fasting. Lots and lots of extended fasting. Most of my fasts have been two-day and three-day fasts at a time, but I wanted to challenge myself even more, so I just finished up a six-day fast.
I read Dr. Jason Fung’s book The Complete Guide to Fasting a few years ago, and then set it aside and thought, “I could never do that.” But for some reason, on July 12th, something changed in my mind, and I decided to put what I had read into practice. And for me, it has been incredibly easy. I can’t even explain it.
Before July 13th when I started, any time I would think to myself, “I’m going to do a 24-hour fast tomorrow,” I would have so much determination and willpower the night before. But I’d wake up the next morning and think, “There’s no way I can do this.” So I struggled. On the rare occasions that I actually followed through with the fast, I would think about food all day long and make myself absolutely miserable. That usually resulted in me ending the fast early, and then ending it with food that I shouldn’t be eating, which would have the opposite result that a fast should have.
But ever since July 13th, things have changed. Again, it’s like a switch was turned on in my mind. I now look forward to my fasts. And when I’m doing a fast, I don’t even give food a thought. And I still have to cook meals for Matt, but it doesn’t bother me a single bit.
I’m determined. I’m focused. And I have a much different mindset now. For me, it all started with that battle going on in my mind.
Addicted 2 Decorating is where I share my DIY and decorating journey as I remodel and decorate the 1948 fixer upper that my husband, Matt, and I bought in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do physical work, so I do the majority of the work on the house by myself. You can learn more about me here.
Oh Kirsti – you have never quit or given up on any of your projects – you have got this!! – and quite frankly – if you did not lose another pound- you would still look great. Congratulations on the weight loss though – it is never easy.
You spelled OUNCE wrong.
😆
Great job and determination, Kristi! It is a struggle and battle but as much as you want to be healthier for Matt, remember to do it for yourself also. Congrats and keep it up!
Yes, you CAN do this!
I am so freaking proud of you! You look fabulous. It’s funny, my doctor told me once that the first thing I needed to fix was my brain. Seems he was right. You are beautiful Kristi!
GOOD FOR YOU! My sister fasts
Wow…I’m so happy for you. And proud that those pants are so roomy on you…not tight at all. I love that story. Been there, done that. I too was more than 100 pounds over, and now 100 pounds down, but have about 30-40 more pounds I would like to lose. I feel a lot better, but these last pounds have been impossible for me. Not sure what I can do at this point. I hope I find what you did…determination, a plan, and GO FOR IT! I’m so happy for you…do it now…I am much older than you, so it won’t be easy, and it doesn’t look as good either…☹️. The longer you wait, the more loose skin you will have…the NEXT problem. Keep going girl…we know you can pretty much do anything you put your mind to…this is just another one of those projects. Best wishes.
Bravo, Kristi!!! I’m still in the battle, sadly, but know I will get there. Your story is very encouraging. Thanks for sharing.
I’m glad you found something that works. People here are using the word “battle” and that’s what it always was for me. In 2023, I lost 60 lbs through diet and exercise, and in 2026, my weight was starting the inevitable creep back up. I went on a GLP-1 and lost the remaining 23 pounds. I’m in maintenance. What struck me most about your post were value judgments you made about yourself because you couldn’t lose weight (also been there, done that). The American Medical Association has been saying for over 10 years (!) that obesity is a biological, chronic, progressive disease and is no one’s fault. I’ve finally taken that to heart, and share it with others, because we have lived in a cruel world and have internalized those judgments needlessly.
You can do this! You have had such hard life challenges to get through and taking good care of yourself through it all is important. I hope you are so proud of yourself!!
I am so happy for you! I have been fasting for about 8 years, originally losing about 30lbs and now using a 30hr fast once a week for maintainance. Like you I had to make the mental switch but then it was easy! And I really do feel good! If I get off track…on vacations etc I find it easy to get back on track! Best of luck to you! You look beautiful!!
You look fabulous 🤩 congratulations! When I lost 75 lbs all my clothes were falling off and I went to The Plus size section of Kohl’s to get something that fit. I was trying to figure out what size I needed, when a sales lady asked me if I needed help. I told her I had lost weight and I was not sure what size I needed. She looked me up and down and said ” YOU NEED TO GO TO THE LADIES DEPARTMENT !!!I was so shocked 😲!! I said Noooooo, she said YES! Best day ever!!💗
God bless her and you♡
Thank you. You are an inspiration in so many ways. Congratulations on all your achieved goals and for never letting difficulty stand in your way. You research, dig in and get it done and now your weight journey is inspiring me, too.
How do you fast? What do you do without? Is that healthy? Where does the energy to do all that work come from?
I just stop eating and also stop drinking anything that has calories (no protein, carbohydrates, or fat). The only thing I drink when I fast is tea sweetened with stevia (because tea is my last remaining vice that I refuse to give up), water, and water with LMNT electrolytes.
Fasting is INCREDIBLY healthy. There’s so much research now about how fasting helps restore health for people with diabetes, insulin resistance, high blood pressure, and a whole plethora of ailments and diseases that Americans struggle with today…even cancer! Dr. Thomas Seyfreid’s research on the effects of fasting (and low carb/ketogenic diets) on cancer is pretty amazing and encouraging.
The energy comes from stored fat. Fat is energy. If you’re not feeding your body sugar and carbs, which it uses as glucose for energy for your body, it will start burning fat, which it burns as ketones. Ketones are a cleaner, more efficient fuel for your body, so I don’t experience any lack of energy when I fast. Some functions in your body still require glucose and can’t use ketones, but the human body can create the glucose it needs even if you’re not eating sugar and carbs.
Congrats! I have lost 54 pounds doing intermittent fasting…only eating between 12-6. The first 40 pounds came off fast but I had to add calorie counting to continue losing weight. I use the Lose It app.
I’m happy for you!
Wow! What an accomplishment! I know you are proud and you are really looking healthier. I am in the same boat you are/were, I need to lose nearly 100 lbs. At 75 and 3 chronic illnesses (none to do with my weight) I am not sure I have the willpower at this age I am not convinced it will be worth it. Anyway not to make this ALL about me, I just want to say I am very proud of you and fasting when you work as hard as you do is amazing. God Bless to you, Matt and the fur balls.
I’m so happy for you! There are a lot of people who will say you have to do it for you, not other people. But while you are doing this to be there for Matt, you realize that you cannot pour from an empty pitcher.
That photo in THOSE pants with that cute top is wonderful. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now that your photo on the sidebar of the blog is beautiful.
Best wishes.
I too have been meaning to leave a comment that you look absolutely gorgeous in the picture below at the end of the comment section. I always enjoy seeing it when I get to the end of reading everybody’s comments.
20 years ago I was reading 6 to 10 decorating blogs a day. Today yours is the only one I read. Not only because you post regularly, which so many of the others don’t, but also because you share the challenges, setbacks, and successes of your DIY work. Several projects in my house have been inspired by you. Just want you to know you are valued and very much appreciated by your readers.
This post brought me so much joy and encouragement. I’m so happy for you! I’ve been discouraged lately, not because of weight, but with equally heavy things. Your victory with those pants is so relatable. You look great in them by the way, which is wonderful to see, but it’s even better to know how great you feel in them. I love seeing the things you accomplish, and knowing that they weren’t without setbacks makes them all the more inspiring. Thank you for sharing this!
Bravo! You look absolutely radiant and might I even say a bit “glow-y”! I’m fairly certain all that building of the porches, gave you a darn good month long work out that you most likely were’nt planning on?!!! Let’s face it, those blocks are heavy! Not to mention the bags of mortar you were slinging around! Ma’am you definitely worked out! Suns out ….guns out! LOL !! Honestly though, I too am still in the struggle bus. Im ashamed yet proud to say Ive gained a TON of weight with 2 pregnancies, never seemed to lose any of it. Kept gaining? Had a weight loss surgery about 17 yrs ago, then broke my ankle immediately following that which immobilized me for 4 months, all but halting any type of exercise. I did continue to lose but very very slowly and lost any hope after that and started my bad eating habits again. Years later I discovered keto…..lost 70lbs over approx 2 yrs, then covid lock down. ugh! Being locked down was drag and I just lost my momentum. But didnt gain it all back, some tho. I do suffer from insulin resistance. This I know. Im now 60 yrs and have been on GP1 for about a year, I am 40 lbs from my goal….. I have never been this close to that weight since my 20’s !!! NOT EVER! My highest weight was 440….gross! I have lost an entire overweight person and I never want to see her or her granny panties that could be used as a car cover again! I just want to be healthy, mobile enough to enjoy my grand daughter, and play in my garden! Fasting is a great way good health…I do it on occaision! Best of Health to you and Matt
I’ll be 75 in October a since arriving in Az in June 2019, I’ve put on 30 lbs.
I’m still not at my heaviest ever but definitely flirting with it. And like you and most every female out there, my weight gain affects my mind as much as my body. I didn’t qualify for GLP-1 under Medicare so it would have been out of pocket for me. But I told myself I’d use some of my savings and try it out. The more I researched it the more frightened I became; side effects especially for seniors, can be serious and my #1 thought was, “Will I ever get off of it and if so will I pack the weight back on?” I decided against it.
This said I’m very curious about your journey, and how you feel, the highs, lows and all of it. Thanks for this update, and your honesty and openness.
Doing that on a public platform takes courage, and I applaud you!
Continued success😀💃🏼💃🏼
You look wonderful! My husband also did fasting but he stuck with OMAD (one meal a day) and it worked wonders for him. Keep it up, we’re all rooting for you!
This is wonderful!! I agree that for me my mind is my worst enemy. I’ve swallowed all the lies- literally.
God Bless.
Good for you, Kristi!! You can do it!! I’ve lost 110 pounds in the last year. I’m so glad I stuck with what worked for me. It is worth it.
Yes, it starts in the head! All of it.
I had this same experience once with an issue i was harboring that I couldn’t get past. I was talking to my sister about it and she pointed out ONE thing that I hadn’t considered even though I had been carrying that burden all my adult life up to that point.
And voila. My brain switched and it was done. Not forgiven, it was replaced with peace about the issue. Forever.
Same thing with my fear of flying over water. I don’t like flying but I do it and don’t have too much anxiety. But never fly anywhere requiring flying over water because … I was too paranoid. Then in the depths of a terrible depression I went to visit friends. I was living in FL and they are in TX. I had never traveled to see them from FL before and simply didn’t think about the route because … well my brain was focused on other stuff. When I landed the first thing she said was “How did you do over the Gulf?” And I was gobsmacked.
It was all in my head and that was the day I said I CAN refocus. I AM in charge of my thoughts. My brain can do this. Three months later I spent a month in Germany with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years!
So you go KL! You are beautiful at any weight, BTW, because you’re a true beauty not a fake one. But do what is best for your health. That is simply smart and the way to be.
Loving all your progress on all fronts. And the cat / dog photobombing.
XO
Dr. Fung îs fantastic if not a little repetitive. I slide off the wagon from time to time but return to his book and youtube when needed. My cholesterol and blood sugars get incredibly bad with only an extra 20lbs. I’ve managed to keep everything under control for the last 10 years or so without fussing too much about “the diet.”
I find sticking to a plan much easier when I’m super busy. You seem to have been very busy this summer and ploughed right through a lot of outdoor projects even when it was so hot outside. I don’t have an answer, but maybe someone here would, because the difficult part (to me) is when I’m not busy and then my choices become terrible. You’d think it would be easier to make better choices with more time, but it’s not (for me).
Congrats on finding something that is working for you. I just listened to “Super Gut” by William Davis, and think I have found why my keto and other diet attempts haven’t been completely successful, and it all comes down to the gut microbiome. I grew up steeped in sugar, so my biome was a mess. I’ve been working on that with the SCD diet, but “Super Gut” has added a new layer of understanding and more ways to improve my gut health. Anyway, like you say, the solution is different for each person. But if you have an interest in your gut microbiome, I highly recommend this book.
I had been wondering what happened after you stopped talking about you weight loss when you gave up sugar for a year but thought it would be rude to ask. Losing 23.5 lbs. in 45 days is an incredible accomplishment! I agree with you that there isn’t a one size fits all weight loss plan. I will say the best plan is one that works for the individual and one that they can stick to. I am wondering why you aren’t smiling ear to ear in the photo wearing the pants you had held onto for 10 years! I wish you continued success in your weight loss journey.
It’s surreal to see a picture of you. You’re like a long lost sister who’s been writing me letters for the past 15 years and now seeing you in your pants was a beautiful thing to see! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a struggle 90% of us have.
I’m very happy for you and wish you continued success on you weight loss journey. I really hear you when you talk about stress eating. Whenever I feel stressed or anxious, I too reach for food. This morning I had an appointment with my internal medicine doctor and follow up blood work. Not only had I put on 10 lbs, but my A1C had gone from normal to elevated. This was my wakeup call that it’s time to get life and my weight under control. The only thing that has ever worked for me when I wanted to lose weight was to write down what I’m eating so I just pulled out a small notebook to start doing just that. It helps keep me away from junk food and also lets me see where I could make some substitutions to get the calories and carbs down. Let’s do this!!!
That’s great progress!
I will say that the only way I’ve ever been able to lose weight and keep it off is through medication. I don’t take a GLP-1 but another weight loss drug and it has been life-changing. It’s amazing how easy it is to lose weight when you experience hunger the same way that people who don’t have weight issues experience it.
All that to say if you find yourself stalling out it’s worth talking to your doctor about.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Fitting into something you have always dreamed of fitting into is such a great feeling and success. I think you look great but if you want to lose more I get it. I always say “I am just going to lose 5 pounds” that way it seems doable. Good luck on your next 5 pound loss. You got this!
I fully agree with your point about mind set. It’s like one day I woke up and a switch flipped. It, not only, became doable. It became fun, motivating and enjoyable. Something I was proud of. Bless you in your journey. (I lost 70 lbs with a combination of intermittent fasting and Mounjaro. I am diabetic).
Let me just say that you are a beautiful woman and a beautiful human being with a pure heart. It is so generous of you to share this very personal information in the hopes that it might help others. Bless you.