I’m Done Waiting

Last night I was feeling very discouraged. I got in my car around 7:30 to head to Subway to get some dinner, and just kind of sat there in my car in my driveway, feeling defeated. After sitting there a few minutes on the verge of tears, I finally started my car and headed out. And somewhere along the way, between home and Subway and back, I had an epiphany. Or maybe that’s the wrong word. I’m not sure, but let me back up and explain from the beginning…

When my step-father Jon was in the hospital, and then hospice, and then passed away in June, I took about three weeks off of blogging and working on the house. I finally came back to the blog, but only kind of. And as you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t really gotten back into house projects since then.

I’m not really sure what’s going on. I miss Jon terribly, but I don’t really think that’s all it is. Or maybe it is. I don’t know. All I do know is that I just haven’t felt like working on my house. I feel overwhelmed with the big projects, disinterested in the little projects, and a huge sense of dread at the thought of spending any time or effort on any of it.

So I waste my days away. And I’ve been waiting.

Waiting for my sense of excitement and motivation to return. Waiting for my love of DIY to return. Waiting for something house-related to just…happen. Well, it’s been two months, and nothing’s happening.

I thought hiring people to do some of the work would help, but seeing that I can’t find any reliable help, it has only led to more discouragement, which has only exacerbated my feelings of being overwhelmed and disinterested in house stuff.

Which brought me to yesterday. Wait…I got ahead of myself again.

Okay, I already told you that on Monday, I finally got in touch with the original floor leveling guy, Jimmy, who came out about two-and-a-half weeks ago to look at the breakfast room floor. Jimmy is the one who had pneumonia. He’s also the one who was very helpful, freely shared lots of great information, but told me that the work my floor needed done isn’t something that his company actually does.

BUT, Jimmy said that he knew a guy who does the kind of work I needed, and that he would call or text me with the contact info. But then Jimmy got pneumonia, and I never heard from him. So finally on Monday, about two-and-a-half weeks after I initially met with Jimmy, I finally got the new guy’s contact info.

Once I got the new flooring guy’s contact info, I called him immediately. He said he’d come that evening (Monday) and look at the floor. He never showed, and when I called, he said he wouldn’t be able to make it and would have to come the next day (Tuesday) around mid-afternoon.

So Tuesday afternoon, I waited, and then around 3:30 I decided to call him. He said he was in Austin, and would come buy when he got back into town, which would be around 6:30. So I made sure to be home at 6:30…waiting. And I waited. He finally arrived around 8:00, left his car running in the driveway, and spent as little time as possible looking at my breakfast room floor.

He looked at it, and when I told him what I wanted done, he began to tell me why it wouldn’t work. He came up with alternative solutions, all of which would require a threshold in the floor, a small step in the floor, or an actual incline from one room to another. Ummmm….no. That’s not gonna work for me, and I hate it when people tell me what I want done isn’t possible when I know for a fact that it IS possible.

But he said that the person I really need to talk to is his cousin (cousin? nephew? uncle? whatever.) and that he’d bring him by the next morning to take a look at it and tell me what could, and needed to, be done.

Well, that was yesterday morning. Wednesday morning. And can you guess what happened?

Thaaaaaat’s right. They were a no show. No call. No text. No smoke signals. No nothin’.

So that’s what led me to being in my car, on the verge of tears, as I drove off to Subway for some dinner last night. I felt so defeated, thinking, ‘What am I going to do?! I can’t find anyone actually reliable who wants to actually do any work. This room is never going to get done!

But as I drove, the fog began to lift. And I began to realize the actual root of all of this negativity. It was the waiting.

For two months now, I’ve been waiting until I feel excited about working on my house again. I’ve been waiting until I feel inspired. I’ve been waiting for motivation to hit me.

Well, you know what? Living a life driven by feeling isn’t really something that adults can do. It’s not sustainable. “Well, I just don’t feeeeeel like paying my bills!” Ha! Too bad. Suck it up, Buttercup!

So I kind of gave myself a little pep talk and a swift kick in the butt (figuratively, of course), and realized that the waiting is just not working. It doesn’t matter how I feeeel. The work needs to get done, and I need to get off my butt.

And then there’s the waiting for other people to do the work for me. WHAT? When have I ever?! And why am I now?

And most importantly, why in the world have I convinced myself that the breakfast room is WAY beyond anything I can do on my own? It’s pouring some concrete (I’ve done that), laying down a plywood subfloor (I’ve done that), installing hardwood flooring (I’ve done that), installing windows (never done it, but watched, and it’s not difficult), drywalling (hate it, but I’ve done plenty of it), building a non-load-bearing wall (I’ve done that, too), and wiring some lights (been there, done that).

So why have I convinced myself I can’t?! It was just about 16 months ago that I was knee deep in this mess…

hallway bathroom - tiled walls demolition 7

bathroom demolition - 1

bathroom demolition - 8

So why have I gone from that fearless woman who tore out that old bathroom down to the floor joists where I could literally see the dirt below my house without freaking out, to this person today who is overwhelmed by a little concrete and drywall?

Well, I don’t know, quite honestly. I don’t know where she is, or why she left. But what I do believe strongly is that if I just get in there, jump in with both feet, and just get my hands dirty, she’ll probably come back. And what I do know for sure is that I’m done waiting.

 

 

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125 Comments

  1. way to go Kristi! Can’t wait to follow you on this journey. I BELIEVE, no erase that, I KNOW you can do this!! Very excited for you.

    1. I know you can do it! You are the one that inspired me to buy an old fixer upper in Bellville, TX! watching you gave me the inspiration and courage to tackle things on my own! Keep up the awesome work!

  2. This post makes me want to laugh and cry! Probably because I can see myself in your shoes. Blessings to you as you find your courage and motivation to jump back in there…and my your fearless self emerge even more amazing than ever!

  3. You are amazing dear lady! I will pray for you that you will be strengthened and made able to bear all that you must do.

  4. Atta girl!

    You’re not a news-junkie, are you? Because I know that all this Presidential Election coverage has been sucking the will to live from lots of people I know.

  5. …and we’ll all be here cheering you on! Come on Kristi you can do it! Can’t wait to see some more of your creative work! You are inspiring!

  6. Kristi- You have expressed the feelings so many of us have had after a traumatic moment in our life. It is extremely difficult to get motivated. In my case it was getting motivated to write again after my father died. It felt like there was this invisible hump that I was just too unmotivated and emotionally spent to step over.

    I think you are on the right track, like Nike says “Just do it!” I found that If I just started, the satisfaction I felt after a baby step spurred me on to the next and next. And now I write again everyday!.

    You are incredibly talented and remember you have a whole community of cheerleaders cheering you on each day. Like many others, seeing your blog post each day in my in box gives me a much needed and welcome creative escape. One step at a time. You can do it! We are with you!

  7. Thank you, Kristi. I am so where you are, and I so needed this hear this message. I’m jumping in; see you at the finish of this next project.

  8. you go girl you can do this…….you’re a superstar…….it’s like eating an elephant……..one bite at a time!!!!

  9. Hi, Kristi:) To begin with, I love your blog!I like the process of making a decision, the way you transform every object that you touch and, most of all, the way you make one by one, the rooms part of your home!

    Well, today`s article was different… I need to work on a project that is very, very important to me, but, somehow, lately, I did not feel like working on it. And today, I read this post and you gave me a kick in the butt (figuratevely, o course :D)! THANK YOU!

    I wish you best of luck, I can`t wait to see what comes next for me and for you!

  10. Yay, Kristi! I know you needed time to mourn your dear stepdad and support your mom, and that is not negative at all, it’s human. You are right, that feelings shouldn’t totally determine what we do. This is how certain segments of society view women and I don’t think you want to be lumped into that stereotype. At the same time, I believe there is an ebb and flow to our creative energies, and maybe there are reasons why those ebbs occur. I also believe that when we just get started on a project we are likely to generate good thoughts and a sense of accomplishment that the steps are being ticked off. And good energy means good work. You can do this. And btw, you do not want that terrible “contractor”, or his nephew or cousin. Obviously he doesn’t want your business and he has treated you badly, starting with the pneumonia lies. He either believes your job is too small for him to bother with and is jerking you around for ups and extras, or his business is doing so poorly he can’t fulfill commitments. Either way, see those red flags and run the other way.

    1. You go girl! I second Michelles opinion. A little kindness to yourself, allowing yourself the space and time to grieve are all good things. That said, AT SOME POINT, (and you seem to have found that point!) your self-awareness and understanding are going to tell you its time to pull up your big girl britches and get moving! Excited to see where you go from here. Blessings.

  11. Kristi, I’m in Florida and can’t be part of what I’m going to suggest, though I would dearly love to. You have an army of admirers, some of them dyi folks who would jump at the chance to lend a hand, help feed the crew, or learn a thing or two and some of them just may be near enough to volunteer, if you allow it. I know there are all kinds of possible issues with doing something like this but we have a tradition in this country of barn raisings and baby showers to help each other out. In fact we had a couple of similar events in the building of our home. It’s lots of fun and no blogger on the internet has a greater group of supporters than you do! It just might be the shot in the arm you could use right now too!

    1. Julie, this is Julie. I was having the same exact thought as you. I’m in North Carolina and would love to help but too far away. I was thinking that if one of your reader’s who knows something about using a saw, putting up drywall, etc would be willing to volunteer to help you and maybe you could learn from each other.

    2. Oh how I wish I lived in Texas! So many times I’ve wanted to just drop what I’m doing and head over to your house and give you a hand. But East Tennessee is too far away to do that. Having said that, (and I know it’s no consolation to you), here’s my advice: You, dear Kristi, need a ‘Robert’. My Robert lives across the street, is retired, and is a ‘jack-of-all-trades’. Whenever I do a job around the house that needs more expertise than I have or I need an extra set of hands, I just call Robert. He’s helped me so many times, and at first refused payment, until I told him I couldn’t ask him to help without some kind of payment. Cash works well for big projects and home cooked anything for the smaller (just need an extra set of hands)
      kind of jobs. When I owned and operated a small coffee shop/cafe in another small town, Nolen, the retired ex-mayor, would come every morning and help cook and set up before I opened. He would then spend the rest of his morning eating a free breakfast and drinking coffee with all the other retired older men from the community.

      The point I’m trying to make is, perhaps you could find a ‘Robert’ to help you out. There are plenty of older, retired men who still have lots of good work left in them. They are eager to work, do a good job, are dependable and just love to still feel needed. Do you know a ‘Robert’ who you could employ to help you with the more difficult or tedious, or time-consuming jobs around the house? Maybe a neighbor, someone from church, or a friend/relative of a friend/relative. Kristi, you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Maybe you could find a ‘Robert’ and share some of the burden.

  12. You are my idol! I’m really serious! Everyday is a total amazement to me as I read your accomplisments, you are one of the most talented people but sensitive. ..kind …patient…brilliant…. I cant say enough! I think you needed some real rest and some time off and ……..we never allow ourselves that time ……doing nothing seems like a waste of time
    but …really …it’s not!
    We over work, over do, over think and burn out…….your batteries are now recharged !
    You needed to grieve……it’s something we all need to do when we loose a loved one…your human…remember?
    Go get em! I’m with you all, the way on your journey! Your fantastic ? A for e! Sending you strength hugs and blessings!

  13. So glad you decided to tackle it yourself……I have a strong strong feeling that you would be waiting and waiting and waiting for someone else to even get started on your floor leveling….they are totally unreliable!!!

  14. That-a-girl! You know it’s possible, make it so! I too dislike greatly when someone tells me what I want isn’t an option. I have come to realize that many contractors/workmen/women are just going to a job. No passion means they can’t see beyond their own toes. Don’t let that stop you! We all know you can do it and the end result will be well worth the toil and trouble.

  15. You know, the sad part is that some of that would like to jump in with you and HELP just live to far away to do just that. Know we are there with you all the way and know you got this. GO KRISTY!

  16. My experience after my mother died was just feeling “lost” – kind of in a fog – not even wandering. Perhaps that’s where you’ve been – I think it’s part of grief. Be gentle with yourself and that Kristi who disappeared for a while. I think you are right – she will be back rubbing her hands just waiting to clean up the mess after problem solving the solutions. Someone once told me “action begets motivation” and I find it to be very true. It’s getting the action started that can be challenging but it sounds like you are on your way.

  17. Going to have to push yourself some days, but you sure can do that :-). Prayers for you and your dear spouse…. As one writer put it (Sheldon VanAuken I think…) “all will be well, all manner of things will be well, all will be most well!” God bless you.

  18. I’ve come to realize after many years of enduring a mysterious “amotivational syndrome” that my funk is related to endorphins and serotonin. I find that when I start exercising regularly (by that I mean non strenuous short walks) and I cut out all sugar, I start to look forward to things again. I’m excited to get out of bed at 4am and kick the day’s butt. It takes a few days, but it works. When I stop the walking, I can feel my state (physical and mental) sagging. It could be that the physical exertion involved in the type of work you do will have the same effect – start moving and I’ll bet you’ll feel more motivated.

  19. Not only can you do it, but you can do it BETTER! I was worried how you would handle inept contractors. Now I know! LOL. Go for it girl. Take before pictures to prove to other contractors it could be done!

  20. You got this ! We are there in spirit only because we can’t be Texas.

    And because we also are living vicariously through you! Your doing an amazing job!

  21. I bet that feeling is coming back! When I’ve tried things that I told myself I couldn’t do…but jumped in anyway, I found out I was actually pretty good at it. And that feels pretty darn good. Good luck! You are adulting just fine!

  22. I know exactly how you feel about contractors and such not showing. I just don’t get it, is there just too much work for too few people, so they can treat the public like that and still stay in business? Most people that I explain this to, don’t seem to get it…they say, well, just call someone else. It’s just not that simple. After awhile it seems like a lesson in futility. If only they would just call and say, can’t make it today – at least you would know not to wait!

    We finally decided to do it ourselves as well, and amazingly along the way we found a guy who DID show up and would bid just the little parts that either we didn’t want to do or couldn’t – like get in the attic. AND amazingly he would do the work the very next day – no waiting for weeks because he was booked! I then hired an electrician on Craigslist – I know, I know! Craigslist notorious for no-shows, but he was fabulous AND coming from a nearby town to boot! He bid the job from pics sent to his phone and came the next day, spent the night in a hotel at his expense and finished the following day (I tipped him the price of his room – he was that amazing!). He was a thousand cheaper than my local no-show and he actually knew how to use a phone. LOL He texted me every step of the way. There are still good working people out there – I think we just have to keep looking even when we have given up!

    So, I’m glad to see you diving in and hopefully along the way if you need a little help here and there, the right person will come along. Maybe it’s nature’s way of telling us – you can do it! 🙂

    You’ve got this!

  23. I get it. Losing someone close to you changes your outlook a little. You wanted things done faster, closer to complete and thought bringing in professionals would do that for you. It didn’t. You found, probably not for the first time, that DIY gets things done faster, cheaper, and your way instead of what some “expert” says is the “right” way. You have kicked yourself in the butt, now give yourself a hug too. Its okay to lose focus and energy for a while. Part of the human condition is the ups and downs. When the hard work is done and you are moving on to making the breakfast room all yours you will be high giving yourself and enjoying that sense of accomplishment and the excitement of the home stretch 🙂

  24. Sending lots of encouragement and a huge HUG! We are all in your corner! Can’t wait to watch you MAKE IT HAPPEN!

  25. I have learned if the contractor can’t be on time or call they don’t value their reputation or have any pride in their company. So they probably don’t do quality work in your home. If the attitude of the contractor is bad ,I don’t want negative attitude in my home. That’s when I know I will take over and do a good job just to prove that contractor wrong. I have fired a drunk electrician that was a subcontractor from the general when he blew all the circuit breakers tryin to put in a can light. Trust your instincts they got you this far. Most contractors couldn’t figure out the things you have solved. They have tunnel vision to their specialties and can’t solve a problem out of their specialties. Good luck

  26. When you first described what you were told had to be done, I thought, ok, she can do that. Then I was shocked when you were going to hire it out. No doubt you can do this job. It might take a bit longer, but so what, you have already wasted two months waiting someone to fix it. Concentrate on the floor, find someone to do the drywall. Lots of guys will come and do that in the evening for some under the table money. Ask around, check out the boards at HD and Lowes or lumbar yards if you have one. There is always someone looking to make some extra bucks. Good luck.

  27. I’m so with you, emotionally. I rent. I have mobility issues (not to the point I need devices, but to the point I see that down the road). And rented this place because the landlord said he would take care of the lawn. And remodel the bathroom. And put down a kitchen floor. He has done none of those things. I have to live here. My friends say not to waste my money on a house that I don’t own. I have to LIVE here! So I started inch by inch hacking through the jungle of plants outside. I am tired of waiting for someone to help me. Nobody is ever going to help me. So I will do it, even if it hurts. Thank you for being an inspiration to people you don’t even know. Because you are. And you can do this. And I can’t wait to see the photos and read the story.

  28. Some people don’t like dealing with strong independent females. I dealt with that MULTIPLE times, regarding small jobs at our old house, new house, solicitors, movers, getting my oil changed, or they overplay in attempt to appeal to female emotions (like when my husband and I were car shopping for HIS car) as well as realtors (both male and female- they try to play to my “emotions” but then yield to “the man” for making big decisions. It’s insulting and it’s not just about traditional or non-traditional relationship roles. There are still people that think that women aren’t worth the time and are either disrespectful or altogether dismissive that we can make decisions.

    But I’m a full blown cynic regarding humanity.

    Bottom line? I’m so happy that you realized you have the power and knowledge to achieve what you need to get done. I can’t wait to follow you along on your newest journey.
    Blessings to you. You truly inspire me on so many levels Kristi. Seriously. You.ARE. AMAZING!

  29. Heya!

    Have you considered just hiring some help as in just pure muscle, that might help you keep a pace you’re satisfied with if you tackle this by yourself? It’s funny isn’t it how random things like contractors not turning up lead us to the bigger problems we might be dealing with.

    Good luck!

    1. That’s a great idea. It would be someone to share the load with and speed things up as well as someone the talk to (I don’t imagine that Matt sits there and converses with you as the dust is flying) No doubt Kristi can do it, but maybe with the thought of a helper shortening the time and work load it would look all the more entertaining.

  30. Bite that bullet! I have every faith you can do this. Wish I lived close, I’d come help….or at least cheerlead! 😉

  31. Every time I tell myself that I cannot do something, it is beyond my abilities, you write something on your blog that makes me step back and take another look and say Yes I Can. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do your breakfast room. You will do it logically, one step at a time and it will look fabulous.

  32. Been there, felt like that, even made a few mess-ups when I first forced myself to start moving again… but I do believe the solution is to start moving again (and ignore any messes you may happen to make, it’s just the transition phase from standing still to running again). Good for you! We’ll be cheering you on!

    And I think the reason behind this is sadness really, makes you “not in the mood” for anything, and after sitting around for a while everything seems huge… In my case, many times I’m feeling a “oh dear, this is too big for me” even while I’m doing things, but then I get a “look at it, it’s great, I don’t have time for your nonsense” as a self-response. If you are not actually doing something, you can’t get this response. But you can look at your previous thriumphs, like you did. Keep those in mind, and keep doing great things!!!

  33. Go for it!! I recently suffered the loss/failure of my business. Not comparable to a family member, but still traumatic to me and a low point in my life. Your blog has been one of the things that has helped me through. To see another strong woman, who shares my passions, work hard and make it happen has been a small high point in many of my stressful days. For two solid months, I couldn’t muster the energy to care about anything beyond getting through the day, never mind get excited about a project. But it comes back… I’m daydreaming and sketching plans and researching supplies again. I’ve even started a couple of smaller things to get me back in the swing. I hope your recent epiphany is the turning point for you and you start feeling the excitement flow back into your veins. But even if you need more time, know that you are inspiring others out here to push aside the crap that life throws at us and BUILD SOMETHING 🙂

  34. I totally understand…we are in the process of trying to do some things to our house….we had the outside trim painted..npw we are having the upstairs bathroom retiled…next we are having ceramic tile in the living room, foyer and office..it feels like we’ve been waiting forever and been in limbo forever…we are also installing a bathroom in an attic studio apt over our garage…then I need something done to my cabinets….its almost overwhelming..keep up the good work…sometimes we have to just pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and have another go at it….you are so talented…you give so many of us hope…thank you for that…God bless u..

  35. Have you looked on Angie’s List by any chance? We all know you can do whatever your mind is set on, but I still believe if you continue to try and find experienced help with some of your work, you’ll shine even more….knowing other things are being done while you do your magic. Help is out there for you, I just feel it. Hugs

  36. Kristi – I believe you are/were in mourning and experiencing a situational depression which is completely and totally understandable and also necessary for mental healing. Our society is always in such a rush and we don’t really give people the time they need to grieve and process the death of a loved one. You did what you needed to do which was take a break. Now you’re ready to get going again and that’s awesome! I am guessing that the more you get done the better you will feel. Cheers to you! Go for it! Whatever you do it will be beautiful! Kate

  37. I’ve had similar problems with workers – maybe skilled but undependable. Maybe if at least some unemployed people learned good house-craft skills and were DEPENDABLE, they’d prosper beyond their wildest dreams because there is a HUGE ocean of frustrated homeowners out there who need work done and maybe lack YOUR skills. It’s great you already know how to do all this work. GO FOR IT! Get this problem room out of your hair. (and get those holes in the floor down to the dirt plugged up so that you don’t end up with a rodent problem!)

  38. I’ve always suspected that some of these home repair people don’t want to do anything until they’re really thirsty or the repo man comes sniffing around that red pickup with the tool chest on the back.

  39. I been waiting to hear you were going to do it yourself. Since you hate the drywall mudding part why not get a hold of the guys who did your dining room ceiling and let them know you’ll be needing them again to do the part you hate. Call your window guys too. You liked their work and if you become their repeat customer they should treat you good. That will take some strain off you. You tear out & replace then let them do their thing & then you can move along to getting the rest done like you want. That drywall & window work would probally save you a month in time. Maybe get all your rooms done & insulation done , then move on to actual decorating once all the construction in the existing house is done.

  40. I am with you Kristi! I lost my sister in April after 6 months in hospice. I just can’t get the mo-jo to start anything. I’m not into your kind of projects though. You are way more talented then me!! I need to re-upholster a couch and bought an air-compressor on the Amazon Prime day. I need to get a brad nailer and pick out fabric. Ugh! That is my problem picking fabric. Decision making is my down fall when feeling like this. I am going to pull up my book straps or put on my big girl pants and start the process TODAY. You go girl! I admire you. Thanks.

  41. Dear Kristi, Obviously from all the comments you have a legion of supportive fans, everywhere..!! I’m guessing there are few as old (86) as me or much more enthusiastic or “with you ” as I. I’m excited when I see a new post and FEEL along with you in your Ups and Downs.
    Recently I ,too, have been in a real funk and even thinking at times I’d lived long enough and was ready to move on to my next “PLACE” ,wherever that may be . Today , you touched me with your honesty, and all the wonderful, encouraging , and positive comments,.!!!
    It was for me not only admiration but an “AHA ” moment , Yes ,even at my advanced age, One needs a purpose and ability to feel hopeful !! Thank you ,dear girl,
    For totally different reasons, I have temporarily lost my enthusiasm for living, Always with a new project waiting, several of yours (simple ones of course ) however I recently haven’t even wanted to do ANYTHING ,except escape in a book. Not at all my usual self.
    Enough!! My situation isn’t as over whelming as I thought once I read your post my thinking began to shift !
    So again dear Kristi, I thank you and add my admiration and support to those fans of yours , out there, everywhere ,
    Never forget what an inspiration you are to so many, not ally your skills as a decorator but your beautiful spirit.. Good bless you and all those you love. REMEMBER how YOU, are loved by so many !!!

  42. I think you have needed this time to recoup, regroup, and recharge! I don’t call it wasted time at all!! I think subconsciously you knew you needed this time, and now have it figured out, so can start fresh and kick (figuratively) all those contractors behinds out of your mind! Even if you need some help down the road, you can do this. Just don’t ever forget, you need YOU time as well 🙂

  43. YAY! I’m so excited to read about this new adventure. You are such and inspiration to me. There are lots of things I want to fix up around my house and you give me the encouragement to go out and do it. Good luck!!!

  44. Hey, give yourself some slack. You are still grieving. There is a numbness that follows the death of a loved one that can last sometimes 6 months. Feelings of indecision and lack of motivation.
    Give your self more time. Hugs . Lost my daughter 3 yrs ago to ovarian cacer and I have days when I want to cry all day

  45. That first step is always the hardest!! I have been putting off a “need to get done project” for 7 months now and finally set a deadline. I started it and am now finished after 3 days!! Sometimes jumping in with both feet forces us to swim and then we get somewhere. Good luck with your projects, I so look forward to participating vicariously in the process.

  46. It is so frustrated dealing with builders/remodelers, even the honest and skilled ones. Dumb stuff goes wrong and given their experience you can’t understand why they don’t head off some of the dumb things. I just had a master bath remodeled, used the same cabinets but had the cabinet height raised by an excellent cabinet guy (my idea and a great one, I must say), replaced an in-floor sunken Roman tub with an acrylic free standing tub, covered floors, shower and half walls with a pretty creamy large format honed limestone tile. It is so bright and fresh, I love it, but guess what we have to sell because of a job change so true to form we are once again selling an improved home and moving on. Right now most of the “dumb stuff” is coming from the glass subs. When the shower curb was fully tiled/grouted, the glass guy came by but it was about cutting holes in mirrors to install lighting. Right then I realized that he COULD also measure for the shower glass and get it ordered so as to minimize delay. I caught him before he left and reminded him I need glass shower walls/door but he cheerily put me off. So now EVERYTHING is done but we have no shower glass/door. General Contractor prevailed upon them to get here sooner than the 8/17 date they gave him and it happened yesterday, but – guess what – they got here, unpackaged the glass and it was not notched where they needed it notched! So who knows now? Probably some time in September. Why did he not measure for glass when I asked? Why did they not get into the packaging at their shop when it arrived and detect the problem? Because they are busy, I am sure. Because they can afford to make mistakes because they don’t have enough competition.

    I subscribe to a couple of online journals meant for professionals and there are frequently articles about how us homeowners are such a pain, we are cheap, etc. We need a place to let the pros know what a pain they are. When they say they are coming at 8 am so we work out but don’t shower because we don’t want to be in the shower when they come. Then they don’t show up until 9:30 am. Then they do some work and find a problem, the faucet or the ceiling exhaust fan doesn’t fit, it’s always something, I’ve gotten so that I try to head it off and then brace for it to happen anyway. And then you don’t shower because there are strangers working in your house. You are just kind of paralyzed in your daily activity, food prep, laundry, errands because you are on call for decisions or you need to catch them making mistakes. Like the time recently when I caught nice plumbers using that ugly “base plate” under my cool new modern faucets. You know, the ones you “have to” use when you have too many holes? But I have brand new counters drilled with just one hole and I’m finally going to satisfy my craving for that clean one hole application? And these geniuses are putting that gunk-collecting plate in there? And they are nice and eager to please and I was nice but they still acted kind of wounded and said they used it “because it is there.”

    That’s another thing: they don’t seem that “into” remodel even though it’s What They Do. They don’t peruse Houzz. I get it, it’s kind of a socio-economic thing but when you find someone with some design sense, no matter how acquired, curiosity, creativity, that would be great.

    Thanks for the forum for my rant, Kristi, I want to be more like you, I want to do the stuff. And folks, don’t bother with telling me “yours is a first-world problem.” Virtually all remodel is first world.

      1. I just got my first shower in the remodeled bathroom and it was great. Maybe now that I’m not so over run with contractor/subs I’ll be cleaner and less cranky, LOL! If the new bathroom makes the house sell faster than the months it has been taking in Columbus GA, all the better!

  47. Kristi, if anyone can do this…..you can do it. You are so talented and you know how to do things right, which inspires us to do things as well. We are all so proud of you and looking forward to following your breakfast room journey with you. GO Kristi!!!!!!

  48. You’re so skilled and talented I have no doubt you can DIY this with your usual amazing results. The death of a family member or close friend is always demoralizing but I believe if you “just get in there, jump in with both feet, and just get (your) hands dirty, (you’ll) probably come back.” I’d start with something fun like a mood board that you can put up somewhere for motivation. Put up a printable list of the tasks needed to get there with it and scratch things off as you accomplish them. Before you know it, you’ll have the breakfast room of your dreams.
    Plus, if a contractor can’t be bothered to show up in a timely manner to try to get the work, they’re unlikely to do the work on time once they have it and you’ll be even more frustrated with them.
    PS – Love the “Suck it up, Buttercup!” line. Gonna have to remember that one.

  49. I didn’t see a way to contact you by email so I hope you see this comment. Yesterday on Carla Aston’s blog, she wrote a great post about leveling floors. Carla is an interior designer working in the area north of Houston, and the woman knows a LOT! I was going to send you the link to the post, but — I don’t see an email for you. Also, when I copied the link, there was something about it containing affiliate marketing ads, so I let it go till I read your post today.

    You can probably find Carla with no problems if you just do a Google search.

    The other piece of advice I would like to offer (unsolicited of course😉) is something my mother told me years ago when my world fell apart. “Take it one day at a time.” I think you are overwhelmed, and it is very easy to lose focus and enthusiasm. In fact it would be be surprising if you didn’t. One of my psych courses in college was called Stress Management, and it is probably the main thing I constantly use from all my “book learning” many years later. The main point that stuck with me was breaking big jobs down into manageable small increments. It has saved my sanity many times. This is just another version of my mother’s folk wisdom.

    I have no doubt you CAN do this job yourself, but maybe if you step back a little and think of it this way, it might help you get past that feeling of inertia. Your creativity and drive will return. Good luck!

    1. I googled and found it. Thanks for letting me know about her blog! Her situation was very different — filling in a sunken living room. Interestingly, that would seem a bit less daunting to me. But it was very interesting to read about the process.

  50. The fireworks are filling the sky, and I hear a choir of “Hallelujuahs” swelling up into the air. The real Kristi has returned! You have recaptured your vim, vigor, and vitality. Can hardly wait to see what happens next.

  51. Dear Kristi
    I love your comment!
    All my life I have been a dedicated loyal groupie. If someone else was there to hold my hand I was 120% but on my own not a lot of self confidence and it allowed me to deny myself successes that oils have been mine. Nothing big but I was always as you say waiting. Well I am now 68yrars old and there are new challenges in my life that if I donot do them life will not be as fun. Nothing big but just enriching but when I look at them I would say oh that isn’t that important. But it is. These are regrets in my life that can be remedied with my new mantra.
    PUSH THRU!
    I used it three times yesterday and it made it so much easier. So I totally see your point and applaud you for it. The waiting habit can drain you of all joy and you do it to yourself. So glad I found my Mantra; PUSH THRU!
    You and your work are so inspiring. One of you very best posts ever!

  52. Be VERY wary of a contractor who stands you up once. RUN, not walk from the same one that stands you up twice. There are too many hard working and honest contractors out there that will give you their opinions and with your GUT instinct hire them ONLY after you have researched and called their references.
    I have built and rehabbed too many houses not to learn from my mistakes and we all make them.

  53. All these people have said it but I’ll say it again. YOU GO GIRL!!! I knew something was off but you can shake this off! I know I will be rooting and praying for you.

  54. I think grief affects us all differently and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if part of your funk wasn’t based somewhat in your grief. You got side tracked, that’s all.

    Jump in there and get dirty! We’re all here cheering you on! 🙂

  55. Kristi;

    Grieving a loved one takes time, is different for everyone, and depression can be just like what you are describing if you are a naturally positive person (which I believe you are). Depression isn’t only the severe kind, it can manifest as apathy. I lost my mom 13 months ago and there are still times when I don’t feel like my usual positive cheerful self, but they are getting less often. Take it one day at a time and you’ll get there. Your energy and enthusiasm will return over time. The days are long, but the years fly by.

    Hugs!

  56. I loved reading all the comments, and well, everyone is cheering you on. You go girl. I can’t wait to see what you do. After that bathroom remodel, I know you can do anything. You are my DIY hero.

  57. Kristi I go through being uninspired and unmotivated many times after I’ve been traveling or had to stop for house guests for a few days. You went through a very traumatic time in losing Jon. It is certainly understandable why you have been uninspired and unmotivated. You have been grieving. But I found if I just get started on a project, it is amazing how quickly inspiration and motivation comes back and I return to working at my usual pace. You will find it too! All you have to do is get going…in the words of Dora…the show my grandkids sometimes watch….Vamonos…Lets get to it…I know that YOU CAN DO IT! 😀

  58. Kristi,

    I am so sorry you have been feeling that way. You have the golden touch when it comes to DIY. We all need a break once in a while especially after the loss of your dear bonus Dad. Time to remember all the special times together, time to cry and time to heal. When my Mom passed away, I did that for weeks and weeks and didn’t get started on anything else – I just couldn’t get into it. After that, I decided busy was going to help and redid my kitchen.

    Sooooooooooooooo—-

    You go get busy and make that house into your special dream. We all know you can do it and do it better than anyone you hire. YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION!!! Jon is watching and feeling so proud of you as we all are!

    JoAnne

  59. Miss Kristi,
    I have been following and enjoying your blog since I found you pouring concrete for your kitchen countertops…..I am always humbled and amazed at how talented you are and how you have never been afraid to try anything. You start projects with both guns blazing and even when you change your mind half way thru or something isn’t going right, you chalk it up to experience, and it ends up just perfect.

    As most of the other ladies have stated above…..YOU GO GURL!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!

    Jayme

  60. I’m smiling for you, Kristi. Always give yourself time to grieve, and you have. You know in your heart that Jon will always be just a thought away and as time passes you’ll find how to keep him close in a different way. Stepping back into your own life journey will bring your creativity to the surface, and as you go on with your life just remember to take time out to calmly breathe and say to yourself without any doubts, “I’ve got this” because you can do it!

    You’ll be alright, give it time.

  61. Grief is a terrible, tricky box of mismatched nuts and screws. Sometimes the screws are openly all over the floor and you know the pain will be there when you take a step. Sometimes you can’t find THE one you need when you need it. And sometimes you have no clue what that was for or why you possess it. Grief has a way of sucking the life right out of you, and not letting you breathe. When you have the gumption to jump back in, do it! There is no manual for it. Feel what you feel, respect it and do what you can.

  62. Kristi,

    Waiting is a no go. About time you find out!
    I live far away from Texas, but allow me 10-15 hours on a plane, and I gladly come and help you out. Truly.
    Between us, if you have plumbing skills, please post them… as I am done with waiting for plumbers to return my calls!!!!
    Am glad you picked up. Courage, ma fille!

  63. Hi Kristi,

    Why have you been waiting? It’s because you’re sad about your Bonus Dad. It’s because, when something so significant and meaningful like a parent passing happens, it drains our life force, and makes everything else go back into the perspective it really is in. Suddenly superficial nonsense like doing a house reno. loses all significance, no matter how much we were thinking it was worthwhile previously. It’s just a normal process, but shakes our worlds to the core.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, Kristi. This still doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. You could just get quotes from more reliable tradesmen.

    Take care of yourself Kristi.
    Liz x

  64. I’m super excited to see your fix on the floor, I’ve wondered how you were going to work that out from day 1. So if my voyeuristic, eager-to-see-it-being-done energy can add to your actually-having-to-do-it energy, you’re halfway there already. ;D Wouldn’t THAT be great!

  65. Sometimes you need a little introspective to get back on track… been quite a year for you. (Although most of us think you’ve made great strides.)

    Anyway: cue the “Rocky” theme song!

  66. Well, I’m sitting here in Honolulu…reading your latest post. Came here as the last adventure in the first half of a challenging year. Challenging because after 20 years, I’m single again. And a solo homeowner (free free free to make some changes and unchallenged decisions about my house) Your email notifications about the latest adventures are truly something I look forward to all the time. Only have one suggestion about your “lack of feeling like it”. Next time you find yourself in that place, send up a BAT SIGNAL! I’ll bet if you put a call out to a few friends (or maybe your loyal followers here), you could do a girls weekend/find my mojo session and that would help pull you up out of that funk. Of course your bat signal would probably be a power tool…Hugs from my temporary locale

  67. You are so damned inspiring! That last paragraph just described why I love your blog… “I don’t know where she is, or why she left. But what I do believe strongly is that if I just get in there, jump in with both feet, and just get my hands dirty, she’ll probably come back. And what I do know for sure is that I’m done waiting.” YESSS!!!

  68. Girl what you need is a day laborer to help you do what you know can be done and your way. If you had a helper things may go a little faster and surely it would be cheaper than hiring a contractor to do the job. Wishing you lots of energy and inner motivation. Sometimes these hot southern months just zap our strength. I always seem to get going faster and better when things cool down and the dreadful humidity lowers a bit.

  69. It’s OK to grieve. Things are different now. But you’re right that life must go on too. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

  70. Jon is looking from above saying, “ATTA GIRL!!!” I’m sure he’d want you to get back to your old self (or now it’s your ‘new old self’, as you’ll never be the same again). After losing my dad last year, I am slowly finding my joy again. Not every day do I care….about anything. I miss him dearly, but like you, must carry on – particularly since we’re not the type to curl-up in the fetal position for ever and ever. I can also relate to your dealings with trying to find reliable help to do projects! We need to have our kitchen remodeled, but I’m not looking forward to going through what you’ve just experienced (and although we’re pretty good at diy, kitchen remodel is not one we’re gonna tackle!) Best of luck to you in the days to come. One foot in front of the other….

  71. Hi Kristi: I’ve learned so much from you, but today’s lesson has me grinning. “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP” is my new mantra. With all the craziness going on in the world, it’s wonderful to read something and laugh out loud. On a different note, don’t underestimate what the death of someone you hold dear can mean. I lost four friends, including my closest friend of 44 years, in just 5 months, and it’s taken longer than I care to admit to get back my mojo. Treat yourself very well, applaud each step forward and use the swiss cheese approach–tiny bites between the holes and soon enough, no more cheese.

  72. Sounds to me like “Stella got her groove back!” You had your pity party and now it’s time to get going! If you want it done right, just do it yourself! Perhaps some of your no mojo is due to the loss of your step father. It’s hard to get back to being normal when things are not. Allow yourself the time to go slow and just remember to give your Mom an extra hug too- if you feel like some thing is missing, can you even imagine how she feels? Sometimes throwing yourself into something is the best medicine. Theres nothing like a project!

  73. That’s our girl!! Just remember there is a light at the end if the tunnel! It’s going to seem endless in the beginning, but before you know it you will be enjoying your beautiful room and be so proud of your work!!💚

  74. I don’t read blogs….or comment on blogs. I find myself reading your blog thoughts…you seem so real…about life…you’re kinda awesome and if you lived nearby I’d consider you a great inspiring friend. Thanks for the uplift!!!

  75. I know when you lose a loved one, you have to go through the process. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a kick in the butt. Know that you are one special lady!! I could not imagine doing everything you have done on your house. I know that you can do it!! Look forward to seeing the pictures on your blog.

  76. You can do it, simply find your mojo and suprise yourself. Once you start you will be on a winning streak again. Sending love your way from Australia.xxxx

  77. I just read your “about you” on your blog and it describes what you are going through right now. It sounds like you are in your happy place when you are knee deep in construction. Go for it, you can do it and you have proven it to us before! 🙂

  78. You have an army behind you, just not beside you…I am sitting here heart heavy with your situation. Grief, disappointment in others, a project we don’t want to tackle…we have all been there and so understand what you are going through…but you are such an inspiration of ability and strength at working through all these situations. Life is not always fair or fun, but you have this! Prayin for you, wishing for you a helper. and knowing you will always get the job done…

  79. Grief just wears a person out. It took me 4 years to find myself thinking “I’m glad to be alive” just randomly as I drove home from work or to the store. Your loss is so fresh and I can’t imagine its weight with all you have to do. Recognizing this is such a big step. It will happen. Forgive the days you are paralyzed and can’t move and do one more thing on the days you can move. This world needs you, so take a breath and know you’ve got this. xoxoxo Kathy

  80. This is so awesome! I know I will just be recapturing all that has been said here already, but I can not wait to see where this new perspective takes you!!! (At first I was afraid you were getting ready to say goodbye to the blog! Please don’t do that!) Now go get ’em!!

  81. Rooting for you Kristi. A lot of folks have attributed your feelings to grief, and that may be the case. Another thought is just that you are overwhelmed. When that happens, it is hard to be motivated and hard to take the next step. Take care.

  82. Thank you for sharing your deep thoughts and feelings. You are so strong, courageous and honest. I think you are amazing in that you are creating and modifying your house into a beautiful home that will be fully utilized by you and your loving and supportive husband Matt. You are such a busy lady who has proven time and again how you can power through the most challenging projects. You have a lot on your plate. Just pick away slowly at that full plate. Pick one little thing at a time. No matter how menial the task seems and you are thinking to yourself you don’t have the energy to do it, I promise that you will have a feeling of accomplishment. When you complete it, give yourself a big pat on the back and enjoy that sense of accomplishment.
    On the other hand Kristi, you deserve to pamper yourself. Go to the spa if that’s your thing, hang out with a best friend or grab a book that you have been meaning to read. Be good to yourself Kristi, you deserve it! 🙂

  83. Kristi,
    I just found your blog last night while on Pinterest and I really like your style. You did an excellent job on your bathroom. I loved the wood ceiling the most. I am commenting bc I was put in charge of finding people to complete two projects in our basement this summer. It was soooooooooo frustrating as people would come over, take measurements, and then I would never hear from them again! Then, I found HomeAdvisor.com. I was skeptical but gave it a try. My experience was so positive that I have been gushing to everyone about it. It was the kind of experience that you should expect from people coming to do work on your home. This is not to discourage you from doing this project yourself. I just wanted to share this site bc it was so helpful to us. Good luck.

  84. Hi Kristi,
    I Have a statement that I would like to share with you. I have this posted by my computer.
    “It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. … If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers” (Gordon B. Hinckley)

    Sometimes when I have to much to do, I read this statement and it does all work out. I just work on getting the easier things done first. And I feel like I have been successful that day. Life is great!

  85. Girlfrien’, I so wish we lived close by. We could motivate each other (and talk smack about the loser contractors we’ve tried out too)? I agree with your assessment of the situation. A little bit of grief, a little bit of burn out plus a few bad contracting experiences added up to 0 motivation.

    Happy to hear you’re finding your mojo again. You’re a lot more daring than I in the projects you tackle so It’s fun and inspiring to see yours come to fruition.