You guys, I did it! My first building project video! Many of you have been asking me for building project videos for years now, so when I built the second work table for my studio, I took a video of the whole process for you. You can see it here…
And be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel! Videos are a new thing for me, but it’s possible that I might start sharing some videos on my YouTube channel that won’t be shared on the blog.
Anyway y’all, this building project video was a huge step for me. I’ve been blogging for over 12 years now, and only recently have I become a little bit comfortable with showing pictures of myself on my blog. Then when I decided to start doing videos, the thought of being in front of the camera was awful to me, so I tried to keep it to video of my hands, or only shoulders and face shots of myself.
The thought of full-body video — this body that has been my biggest enemy and my biggest insecurity for the last two decades — being shown on a video for all the world to see was absolutely terrifying to me. And I knew that if I ever did start doing building project videos, I would have to be on them. And it wouldn’t just be me from the shoulders up. It would be ALL of me.
Putting yourself out there on a blog and sharing your ideas, your projects, your successes and failures, is daunting enough. Well, it used to be. It’s not anymore. It took me a few years of blogging before I became secure enough in my DIY abilities to just put it all out there, including my failures, and own them. It’s even more daunting when you realize that there are places on this world wide web where mean-spirited people gather for the specific purpose of gossiping about, tearing down, and ridiculing bloggers. It took me another few years to realize that those people’s opinions didn’t matter to me at all, and reading them served absolutely no positive purpose in my life.
And yet, the last thing I wanted to do was put my biggest insecurity on display. You can tell yourself that other people’s opinions don’t matter, and in general, mean and insulting opinions from people online really don’t matter to me anymore. But when it comes to my biggest insecurity — my weight — I just knew that reading anything negative about that would cut me to the bone. But why was I worried? I don’t read that stuff anymore, and haven’t in years. And as far as my regular readers go, y’all are lovely and encouraging people.
But just the very thought that it could be out there somewhere on some corner of the internet, or that I might be faced with it in a YouTube comment (where people find it so easy to say vile things while sitting behind a screen that they’d never say to a person’s face) scared me enough to keep myself hidden and not give fodder to anyone who might find delight in pointing out and laughing about my biggest insecurity.
But you know what? I finally realized that I give those people (which, to a large extent, are people who I’ve made up in my head — some unknown “them”) way too much power over my life. And I’ve given my negative thoughts and insecurity way too much power over my life as well. Yes, I struggle with my weight. No, I’m not comfortable with what I see reflected in a full-length mirror. But darn it, I have things I want to share with the world, and I’m tired of letting those insecurities hold me back.
As hard as it may be, I’m determined to STOP letting insecurity hold me back. I’m determined to put myself out there, to share my ideas, to share my skills, and to share my successes and failures. I’m determined to get in front of the camera more, and to stop hiding behind a camera where it seems safe.
And you know what? Those who find delight in gossiping about, ridiculing, and laughing at others really don’t matter. They are their own worst enemies, and that has nothing to do with me.
So from now on, I won’t give “them” (whether real or imagined) power over my life anymore. And I’ll silence that voice in my head that continually reinforces my insecurities, and replace it with positive thoughts. And most of all, I’m determined to push all of my insecurities aside and put myself out there — ALL of me from now on.